Neighbours Teenager WWYD

[NaviSprite]

I’m probably being a bit oversensitive but I’ve noticed since moving to the house I now live in (moved in Feb this year - mid terrace but good size) that next doors elder teenage son has taken some kind of offence to my existence.

I’m trying to just let it go as typical teenage arsy-ness and I’ve not lived here long enough to feel comfortable raising it with him or his parents.

I am also aware that - after suffering the loss of my third child earlier this year to stillbirth - I am a bit more sensitive to things than I used to be.

So it’s not constant from the lad, but since we moved here he has:

Trapped my disabled cat in a corner and fired a pellet gun at her. He didn’t know I was in my back garden (he was in his) whilst doing this and the minute I asked if he’d seen her he got very meek. I think his parents had a massive go at him after I’d asked if I could come and collect her (I didn’t mention anything at this point to the parents as I’d only lived here for a few weeks at that stage and didn’t know enough about them). I think this was the start of his dislike towards me.

He has since repeatedly referred to me as the c*nt next door when he’s on the back garden late at night speaking to whoever over the phone (on loudspeaker) and said he’s going to “get her fucking cat next time”.

Throws his fag ends into my back garden - moreso when I’m out there - I’ve had to stop DS eating them twice when he’s found one I’ve missed (eyes like a hawk my DS haha).

Then today. I took DD and DS onto our back garden to play after their lunch and he was hanging out of his bedroom window having a cigarette as usual. I am aware I do talk in a higher pitched voice when playing with my toddlers - I don’t force it, it just happens. Not to a nails on chalkboard level but the usual upbeat, encouraging sort of way that a lot of parents talk to their small children. He starts hurling abuse at me (loud enough for me to hear it but not so loud as his parents hear him) about the way I speak - and I quote here - “doing my fucking head in, the way you talk if fucking stupid”. Said in the usual monosyllabic grunts of a teenaged lad. I ignored him as best I could and continued to play with my twins but I have to admit after that I didn’t speak with them as much.

It’s ridiculous that it has left me so annoyed and I should let it go as it’s not really worth getting into a feud over (I’ve had some pretty aggressive neighbours in life and not looking to repeat the cycle) but I’m wondering if it’s going to get worse and given how vulnerable my mental state is at the moment since losing my baby in April, I just don’t know how to go about sorting this.

DH has been looking for a chance to have words with the lad since the pellet gun incident and I told him not to rise to it as - whilst the parents seem like fair and decent people - if he (DH) starts having a go they’ll defend their son, just as most parents would and it could lead to more trouble than it’s worth! But at the same time I can’t abide being spoken to like I’m something this kid stepped in and him treating my back garden as a flipping ashtray.

I posted last week about going to get the results from the hospital regarding my loss and this seems so stupid considering what me and DH are going through - I’m in a bit of a loop with myself between just ignore him and carry on and feeling that I can’t handle his blatant animosity towards me.

Argh give my head a wobble please MN.

This is really serious. The cat incident is downright horrific. I’d be getting cameras installed too and making sure my cat never got out. I feel for the younger son too; goodness knows what he has to put up with.

If i were in this situation and he took a shot at our cat then i'd take the fucking air rifle off him physically and if i couldnt wrap it round his scrawny neck I'd stick a shotgun where the sun don't shine and you can guess the rest!

This prat needs some serious taking in hand, else it won't be long before he's banged up doing time and will have a fully fledged criminal carrer:(

If someone did that to my cat I wouldn't be answerable for my actions. Your poor cat, that was an evil thing to do - if anything like that happens again you have to go to the police.

Please keep your cat inside away from this freak who would hurt animals

If I knew someone had done that to any cat I'd call the fucking police, let alone pop round to have a chat with his mum.

You definitely, definitely need to talk to his parents. At the very least.

If someone told me that my teenage son was attacking a cat with a pellet gun I would be terrified. I'd seek professional help. It's indicative of a chilling lack of empathy. I'm sure most parents would feel the same way.

I'm really surprised you didn't call the police in the first instance, but for the love of god please call then straight away if he ever does this again. Your poor cat :(

I would complain to his parents on every single occasion until they get fed up of hearing it and then complain some more. I would have also reported him to the police and the RSPCA for the cat incident.

He’s clearly a psycho kid. Speak to his parents but be prepared it could escalate he’s clearly a nut job. He lacks empathy so it’s likely he will seek revenge, stay safe.

I am so sorry for your loss.
The neighbour shituation isnt pretty for sure...
this defo isnt regular teenboy(even stroppy type)behaviour. His failed attempt at cruelty to cat hasnt triggered a conscience..-realisation that you caught him-has led to further utter arseholery and he is behaving in manner of menacing tormentor.
The little brother note,might well be "sweet and thoughtful" ....to be honest i find that bloody odd too tho.
do you have an outside hose at all?or a supersoaker type water pistol?..its not gonna maybe help much,probably wont resolve it. you dont and shouldnt have to knock and tell his parents anything. next time hes hanging about gobshiting on loudspeaker calling you a cunt and smoking whilst doing operation cat threat -you turn the tap and hit him with a full "cleansing"soggy fags are shit. throw him a packet of dry rice to attempt to dry his phone out ..cos you arent ACTUALLY a cunt.unexpected water isnt gony please him,but its not as bad as smakin him upside the head with a baseball bat. i wouldnt be able todoit without laughin...if his folks are knockin and/or furious-soak them too.

Seriously, I think you’ve been more than reasonable given what he’s done. I’d have a chat with his parents. It they aren’t receptive and won’t deal with it, tell them that you’ll report him to the police. FWIW if I caught someone doing that to my cat I’d have taken the gun off them and battered them to death with it.

@ShawshanksRedemption He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

He absolutely is.

I would 100% tell his parents about him aiming the pellet gun at your cat because if he succeeds he is breaking the law.

From the law you’ve quoted below your post, it doesn’t seem he even needs to succeed in hitting the poor animal in order to commit an offence.

I have read your other posts, OP, and you’re going through a very tough time: this is the very last thing you need. If you can, I would definitely be trying to record hard evidence to get this little bastard.

Sorry I went quiet, managed to get some sleep last night and then the usual early morning start with my toddlers followed by a very busy morning!

I’m not sure if there are any SEN requirements for the kid (I say kid but 17-18 is more like young adult I guess but he’s clearly a very immature 17-18) but even if there were I would think his antisocial behaviour is not a part of them. I too have worried about the hold he may have over the rest of his family as he’s a, well, stout build and fairly tall.

On the one occasion (that I’ve heard anyway) the parents don’t back down when telling him off but I don’t think it’s really sinking in with him.

When I say ‘typical teenage behaviour’ I cast too broad a net, but from the background I come from which involved a lot of what seemed like borderline sociopathic teens to young adults, I’ve seen this behaviour before (pretty rough early life which is why I don’t want this young ‘man’ near me or my children in the coming years but have to find a solution that doesn’t involve moving as we can’t afford to)

I’ve seen how bad they can get and then I’ve seen some who have grown up since and become more well rounded adults.

I am in Social Housing, we needed the help after I was made redundant around the time I had fallen pregnant with my twins. The rest of the neighbourhood is really nice. Mostly families and the odd older couple and they all get on well with each other and have been nice to us since moving here.

My DH has never experienced this sort of situation and thinks a good strong word will sort the teen out... but DH is rather slight of build and whilst he has a great booming voice when he wants to, I see the size of the teen by comparison and worry if he lashes out physically, DH will come to harm but I don’t know how to articulate this to my DH without offending him.

I did make a report to the police following the attack on my cat as I was heartbroken and fuming - but at this stage requested it be logged (I have the CR number) and if any further attempts at violence towards any animal in the area are made I will be following it up with them. As mentioned previously cat is kept indoors (she wasn’t meant to be outside in the first place but got past me on that particular day 😩).

As for the younger brothers note, I think they share a bedroom and so he was there whilst the older one was yelling at me. I heard a few muffled sounds of the younger one during the tirade but couldn’t make out what he was saying. I feel for him a bit because if he’s got the level of thought to apologise on behalf of his brother in a note late at night, it suggests he didn’t want the older teen to know he’s apologising for him?

Anyway, I’ve nipped over there this morning with a letter to his parents. Just reintroducing myself and asking if they would let me know a convenient time for them to come over for a conversation. I cited yesterday’s situation as neutrally as I could and said I don’t know the family or the teen and would like to use this opportunity to understand his attitude towards me in particular and try and sort it out between us as I’m still not sure what I’ve done, in his mind, to warrant his treatment and abuse.

I’ve noticed he’s not really like this with anybody else in the area, well, not that I’ve seen anyway. But then I did challenge him directly after he’d shot pellets at my cat, I didn’t rage out like I probably should have, but told him she was disabled therefore unable to jump fences well, as such had climbed some debris that was in our back garden at that stage and fallen into his. Their fencing is so tall with no gaps underneath that she couldn’t escape. She was not there to taunt him as she’s a cat!

Then when I got her out of the garden after his parents had let me into said garden I heard the Dad yelling at him “so what if the cat had a bit of a shit, it’s what cats do, it wasn’t a personal attack on you” to the older one. I apologised for her having pooed in their back garden and offered to clean it up for them. They laughed (nicely) and said no-need.

I used to be really good at handling odd behaviour from antisocial neighbours. I had it for several years at my previous address but he was an older alcoholic, I think being neighbour to him for so long has skewed my views somewhat?

We shall see how the parents respond to my request for them to pop over - I just hope it’s not pissed anybody else off! I waited until the offender (as it were) went out on his moped for a bit to pop the letter through the door.

Op I think what you are doing is exactly the right approach. calm and measured. but he isnt a teen, hes an adult and if he is over 18 then you will need to be talking directly to him and not through his parents. perhaps you can establish this when you talk to them later on. sometimes filming people and then showing it to them, brings it home to them how bad their behaviour is and the effect that it is having on others. next time he starts get out your phone and film him. I too would be considering cctv. its horrible to have to deal with things like this. good luck and I hope that the parents respond positively.

Sounds like the parents will be receptive OP, so at least that’s one battle you won’t need to have.

@NaviSprite - you are brilliant, & dealing with this awful situation with clarity & aplomb.

Best wishes with the parents xx

Well done for keeping your cool and trying for diplomacy first. If that fails then 101 definitely. The parents and brother sound so far to be made of far better stuff then him so hopefully they will take on board.

And he's a foul beast isn't he? Very worrying he thinks its ok to torture animals and hurl abuse at people, especially when with children.

I'm so sorry for your loss too

I would speak to the parents they may not know he is behaving like this. I would be ashamed of my ds if he behaved like this to anyone and would want to know so the situation could be corrected

Sounds like you’ve made the right move. Let us know what happens

I wouldn’t mention the loss of your baby to them. It would be awful if they told the son & he used it as a weakness to taunt you. 🙁 Sorry for your sad loss.

Talk to the parents but record the sound on your phone (in your pocket) so you have a record. Tell them what you have told us, that he seems to have a vendetta against you - my hunch is that he drove the last residents out and is known to police so it won't be a shock - I'm not blaming the parents, there's no support even if they are begging, some teens are just anti social psychopaths (and some grow out of it)

Lots of good advice here. I would add that you may want to consider moving.

Ps if they are social housing you can report it to the landlord with a log of the abuse - they take it seriously especially if he's over 18. Our neighbours in a former house were council tenants and they got kicked out because I reported their dangerous dog going crazy to get through my fence every time my kids were in the garden and them smoking pot 24/7 playing loud music etc.

Then when I got her out of the garden after his parents had let me into said garden I heard the Dad yelling at him “so what if the cat had a bit of a shit, it’s what cats do, it wasn’t a personal attack on you” to the older one.

That's quite encouraging, really - it does sound as if the parents might be responsive if you explain what's happening. I suspect they are aware what a nightmare is, even if they aren't aware that he's directly targeting you.

Good luck, OP. It's awful that you're having to deal with this sort of stress. Nobody should have to feel intimidated in their own home.

I'm glad your DH is supportive in offering to go round there - even if you'd rather he actually didn't! FWIW, my brother once lived next door to a family with a teenage son who was also quite a problem (albeit more frequently a problem to his own mother and sister than the other residents) and my brother was one of the few people he seemed to be a bit scared of, even though my brother was several inches shorter.