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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours Teenager WWYD

95 replies

NaviSprite · 19/08/2019 21:49

I’m probably being a bit oversensitive but I’ve noticed since moving to the house I now live in (moved in Feb this year - mid terrace but good size) that next doors elder teenage son has taken some kind of offence to my existence.

I’m trying to just let it go as typical teenage arsy-ness and I’ve not lived here long enough to feel comfortable raising it with him or his parents.

I am also aware that - after suffering the loss of my third child earlier this year to stillbirth - I am a bit more sensitive to things than I used to be.

So it’s not constant from the lad, but since we moved here he has:

Trapped my disabled cat in a corner and fired a pellet gun at her. He didn’t know I was in my back garden (he was in his) whilst doing this and the minute I asked if he’d seen her he got very meek. I think his parents had a massive go at him after I’d asked if I could come and collect her (I didn’t mention anything at this point to the parents as I’d only lived here for a few weeks at that stage and didn’t know enough about them). I think this was the start of his dislike towards me.

He has since repeatedly referred to me as the c*nt next door when he’s on the back garden late at night speaking to whoever over the phone (on loudspeaker) and said he’s going to “get her fucking cat next time”.

Throws his fag ends into my back garden - moreso when I’m out there - I’ve had to stop DS eating them twice when he’s found one I’ve missed (eyes like a hawk my DS haha).

Then today. I took DD and DS onto our back garden to play after their lunch and he was hanging out of his bedroom window having a cigarette as usual. I am aware I do talk in a higher pitched voice when playing with my toddlers - I don’t force it, it just happens. Not to a nails on chalkboard level but the usual upbeat, encouraging sort of way that a lot of parents talk to their small children. He starts hurling abuse at me (loud enough for me to hear it but not so loud as his parents hear him) about the way I speak - and I quote here - “doing my fucking head in, the way you talk if fucking stupid”. Said in the usual monosyllabic grunts of a teenaged lad. I ignored him as best I could and continued to play with my twins but I have to admit after that I didn’t speak with them as much.

It’s ridiculous that it has left me so annoyed and I should let it go as it’s not really worth getting into a feud over (I’ve had some pretty aggressive neighbours in life and not looking to repeat the cycle) but I’m wondering if it’s going to get worse and given how vulnerable my mental state is at the moment since losing my baby in April, I just don’t know how to go about sorting this.

DH has been looking for a chance to have words with the lad since the pellet gun incident and I told him not to rise to it as - whilst the parents seem like fair and decent people - if he (DH) starts having a go they’ll defend their son, just as most parents would and it could lead to more trouble than it’s worth! But at the same time I can’t abide being spoken to like I’m something this kid stepped in and him treating my back garden as a flipping ashtray.

I posted last week about going to get the results from the hospital regarding my loss and this seems so stupid considering what me and DH are going through - I’m in a bit of a loop with myself between just ignore him and carry on and feeling that I can’t handle his blatant animosity towards me.

Argh give my head a wobble please MN.

OP posts:
Firewall · 19/08/2019 22:53

I think you should look into getting some cameras for the back and front of your house. A lot of our neighbours have ring floodlight cameras quite high up on their house to catch burglaries etc front and back, so it may be worth getting a couple so they would also catch any conversation or incidences that occur. It would allow you to document and save any thing that occurs for evidence.

saraclara · 19/08/2019 22:55

If his brother is apologising for him, there must be pretty significant stuff going on at home as well.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 19/08/2019 22:55

That's dreadful about your poor cat.

And Flowers for your loss.

I thought this --> So exhibits one of the major signifiers of potential to develop psychopathy as well.

Does the note the younger brother put through your door give any indication as to what happened? I.e. Did the younger brother hear him swearing at you? Did you keep the note? If the note makes it clear what the older boy did, then I would speak (nicely and calmly) to the parents (over a cuppa?) and show them the note. Otherwise, I would record the teen once so you have some evidence when you speak to the parents.

I would try and do it as nicely as possible, and if they aren't horrified and apologetic, then I would tell them very calmly and firmly that next time you'll be contacting the police.

Good luck!

Cherrysoup · 19/08/2019 22:58

Defo speak to the parents and tell them again about the cat, plus the law re firearms, although Under the Firearms Act 1968, as amended by the Anti-social Behaviour Act 2003 and the Violent Crime Reduction Act 2006, it is an offence to have an air weapon (loaded or not) in a public place without a reasonable excuse. is tricky. Our neighbour asked the police today about shooting rats and was told it's OK in his garden.

I think I would tell them that you're keeping a log and will involve the police next time. If he harasses you again, go round, speak to the parents and go crazy.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Flowers

BrightYellowDaffodil · 19/08/2019 22:59

The cat issue alone would have had me gunning for the little shit.

Keep a diary of everything. Speak to the parents - they may well think that little darling can do no wrong, but it's a step that needs taking. Then I'd be speaking to the local police for advice (but also to put it on their radar) with a view to taking it further if this continues. It's harassment and animal abuse and it's absolutely not fucking on. With any luck the local constabulary will pop round for 'a word' which would hopefully give him the scare he needs - he sounds like the typical cowardly little bully that needs a short sharp shock.

freddiethegreat · 19/08/2019 23:00

@HarrietSchulenberg - I had the same momentary fear. Again - not my son.

To be fair, I think the worst my son ever did was shout and bang - aimed at me, not the neighbours - at anti-social times. But my neighbours really lost it over it - hurling abuse at me, putting in a complaint to Environmental Health. (As I said to Environmental Health - he has SEN, albeit invisible and none of the multiple professionals involved know how to keep him calm when he melts down, but happy to take any advice. She backed off. He calmed down in time.) Oh & he played chicken in front of their car more than once. Wouldn’t harm an animal.

In any case, I agree with others that you have to approach the parents. Even if they can’t stop him, fair warning before the police & all that. He does sound like he has quite serious issues. Good luck. But also bless the younger one & his apology letter. Sweet.

Ichangedmynameonce · 19/08/2019 23:01

Just wanted to say OP, you sound great and really level headed. We are having a prob with neighbours and their noisy teen, not as bad as yours sounds (and I haven't experienced your loss) and I'm not feeling at all as level headed as you sound.
Good luck

Iwasatglastothisyear · 19/08/2019 23:02

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you've managed to find someone to talk to about how you're feeling?

Secondly, you do not deserve to be spoken to like that by anyone, least of all a neighbour.

Is the house rented? If so, you could consider talking to the letting agent. You could also consider contacting the rspca and informing them that this little s**te has abused your cat.

Seeing as the younger son posted a note (I thought that was sweet, bless him) I'd imagine the family are aware of what's going on already. He does sound rather disturbed though.
Do you have any other neighbours you could ask about this boys behaviour and see if there's a pattern?

I'm so sorry you have to put up with this Sad

CSIblonde · 19/08/2019 23:05

Cruelty to animals is a massive red flag for a sociopathic diagnosis. They start with animals as they're easy targets & progress & escalate to hurting humans. I'd be bloody worried tbh & get cheap CCTV cameras & the window stickers saying CC TV displayed very prominently in your front window both for safety & for evidence purposes. Do have a tactful with the parents. And keep your cat inside.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 19/08/2019 23:06

What a hateful wee scrote.

I’m afraid I wouldnt have hesitated to call the police after the pellet gun attack. That’s exactly the sort of person the police need to know about.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 19/08/2019 23:08

Bloody hell that is NOT normal teenage behaviour. He shot your cat! Surely that's illegal. And he is harassing you, noone should be called a cunt in their own home! (Or anywhere I guess but you know what I mean).
Keep a log. If the parents seem approachable and the other brother does as well then they are hopefully decent and may be able to reign him in. You could also try filming him? If he knows you're building a case against him he may stop as I have a feeling if the parents have a word he will just ramp it up when they're not there

Iamacrapmom · 19/08/2019 23:08

So sorry for your loss. If this boy is making you lose sleep at night and he's upsetting you you need to talk to his parents. Good luck

Shopkinsdoll · 19/08/2019 23:12

Sounds very similar to our autistic 10 year old neighbor. We had to get the police involved. I nearly had a breakdown with his behaviour to me and our family. It was awful and he was only 9 at the time. God help when he’s 15.

Lou573 · 19/08/2019 23:13

Talk to the parents and calmly explain that while you don’t want to, it’s got to the stage that you’ll have to involve the police as your cat is in danger and you are being harassed. They’ll be keen to avoid that I’m sure and may well be able to deal with it in the first instance.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 19/08/2019 23:15

Agree with the others this is not normal teenage behaviour.
Tell the parents, tell the police and fgs keep your cat away from the disturbed little shit.

Italiangreyhound · 19/08/2019 23:22

He sounds like a very dangerous man. Certainly, to your cat. I am so sorry. This is not typical teenage behaviour.

FattyPeddledFuriously999 · 19/08/2019 23:30

OMG I would have called the police never mind his parents if he'd done that to my cat. Little shit, hope he gets what's coming to him, I can't abide animal cruelty.

AllSweetnessAndLight · 19/08/2019 23:30

Definitely tell the parents. If I was the parents, I would want to know. I'm sorry you are going through such a horrible time and losing your baby. SadFlowers

justasking111 · 19/08/2019 23:35

Just wondering if the parents are scared of him to be honest.

Daffodils07 · 19/08/2019 23:41

My eldest is 18, he wouldnt dare act or speak to anyone like this.
Totally unacceptable! I would be mortified if it was my child.
I would have a calm word with his parents and if it doesn't get resolved then police.
Keep a written diary of everything he does.

WaxOnFeckOff · 19/08/2019 23:44

Not normal. Don't take that shit. You either need to tell him yourself in no uncertain terms, speak to his parents or the police or, and I hesitate to say this, get a bigger male than him to have a word...

He needs put in his place, he's like a young buck who thinks he is in charge and basically needs an alpha person to slap him back down.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 19/08/2019 23:49

Under the Firearms Act 1968, as amended by the Anti-social Behaviour Act 2003 and the Violent Crime Reduction Act 2006, it is an offence to have an air weapon (loaded or not) in a public place without a reasonable excuse.

Except a private garden is not a public place. We had similar with a neighbour with an air pistol (we could hear the whizz/dings) and the police said no offence was committed unless the bullet left the property. It was deemed irrelevant that he was practicing to shoot foxes in a neighbouring property.

Owlypants · 19/08/2019 23:57

Report him to RSPCA/SSPCA he shouldn't be allowed near pets. I don't usually condone violence but if anyone hurt my cat i'd probably end up in jail. Definitely don't let him get away with making your life a nightmare, keep reporting to council and keep a record of abuse

Winterlife · 20/08/2019 00:01

Record him on your phone re the voice, so he can't deny it. Pick up all the cigarette butts and return them to his parents.

I would do this, but I'd do it after some time, when you have a mountain of evidence.

Victoriapestis01 · 20/08/2019 00:03

I would convert your op into a letter to them, invite them round, hand it to them, and say (in a friendly way) that you want to discuss it, and that you’ve written it out because you find it upsetting and want to make sure you explain clearly, without getting tearful.

Also, make it clear that you are frightened and worrying about using your garden.

His behaviour sounds really worrying, and I imagine they know there is something wrong. I doubt he’s any better in family life.