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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's strange he won't tell anyone we are engaged.

87 replies

misssCa · 19/08/2019 20:08

Saturday - we got engaged.

Saturday afternoon - I told my family.

Now Monday and he still hasn't told anyone not even his mother who he has seen three times since the engagement. Twice for a couple of hours and another for just a couple of minutes.

Surely he would want to share the excitement? I couldn't contain myself and I was so excited to tell my family. He just doesn't seem to be bothered about letting them know at all.

Is this normal? Was it just silly of me to tell people so soon?

Fully prepared to be in the wrong here.

OP posts:
managedmis · 19/08/2019 20:49

He saw his mother 3 times since Saturday?

Wishimaywishimight · 19/08/2019 20:50

He forgot?? Very strange - an engagement is happy news, usually people are excited to share it!

Cryalot2 · 19/08/2019 20:51

It is possible that he wants to tell them when you are there with him.
Some folk are different. If every other part of relationship seems fine I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
Congratulations by the way .

AngelasAshes · 19/08/2019 20:51

We actually got married and didn’t tell anyone for a year.
Various reasons for that. One being we did not want a fuss or a wedding.

greenlynx · 19/08/2019 20:51

I didn’t tell my parents straight away because I wanted to cut fuss and drama period as much as possible. Don’t get me wrong I had nothing to hide and they were excited for us but when we actually told the news my Mum started planning straight away and after that there was no space for anyone’s else planning even mine. So I delayed as long as possible and I was very loving sharing every moment type of daughter.
Also I do believe that you need a suitable moment for this announcement.

littlepeaegg · 19/08/2019 20:53

Very odd, I'd be feeling very insecure

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/08/2019 20:54

Def seems suss

Aberhonddu · 19/08/2019 21:00

This doesn't look good op, my Son phoned me at 7.30am on a Saturday morning to tell me that he had proposed and been accepted, he apologised for phoning so early but they had posted it on Facebook and he wanted to tell me before I saw all the congratulation messages.
I think that it's really strange that he hasn't told his family.in your shoes I'd be wondering if he really meant to propose marriage

eggsandwich · 19/08/2019 21:03

When you next see his family will they not notice your ring?

If he suggests you remove it before going round there so he can supposedly tell them first would make me very uneasy.

CruCru · 19/08/2019 21:07

Is there a really good reason for not wanting to tell them this absolute minute? Something like his mum’s dad is dying or his sister has just been dumped by her fiancé in the last two days?

If not, then it is a bit weird.

VenusTiger · 19/08/2019 21:08

He probably wants to tell them when he’s with you as it’s your news too. Either that or there’s a problem in his family, like illness or something and he wants to wait for the right time so as not to be all about him.

Waytooearly · 19/08/2019 21:08

I postponed telling my parents when I got engaged because I knew some family members would bring fuss and flap, and try to take over planning.

If you're not a centre-of-attention person it can be excruciating.

Is it a situation that he's got a tricky family?

Honeyroar · 19/08/2019 21:09

It's all very strange. I'd have said he didn't really want to get engaged, but if he'd got a ring and properly proposed it doesn't add up. How old is he? Does he often "unde react"?

TimeForNewStart · 19/08/2019 21:11

Either...

  1. He doesn’t really want to marry you.
  1. He is the sort of person who likes to process things internally before dealing with the outside world. Which is the sort of personality trait that you should probably be aware of before agreeing to marry someone.
Iwantacookie · 19/08/2019 21:13

I've technically been engaged for about a year. He didn't propose we just decided to get married for legal reasons. We haven't told anyone because we just want to do it just the 2 of us and if we start telling families we might get guilt tripped into having guests and making it into a big deal.
Only he knows why and you need to ask him.
Good luck.

Bowsy5 · 19/08/2019 21:15

A bit strange alright!

PuffHuffle5 · 19/08/2019 21:20

How did he propose?

bee222 · 19/08/2019 21:21

I wouldn't think this is weird.
If I got engaged it just wouldn't occur to me to tell people for at least a week or so.
Maybe he just wants some quiet time with you to enjoy this news without friends and family starting with all the fuss and attention.

Okurrrrrrrr · 19/08/2019 21:21

Let us know how it goes talking to him OP. Agree it sounds very odd. I also think you should start talking about dates/venues etc and gauge his reaction

Pieceofpurplesky · 19/08/2019 21:23

Maybe he did genuinely forget or does not like how he thinks people will react?

YouJustDoYou · 19/08/2019 21:36

Maybe he regrets asking.

RedCowboyBoots · 19/08/2019 21:40

I think a lot of the responses on here are very alarmist, OP. The fat lady has not even begun her vocal warm-up yet!

It is unusual but that doesn't mean it's untoward. Tell him you're making it Facebook official on Wednesday. Then it'll be up to him how they find out.

whattodowith · 19/08/2019 21:40

Everyone is different. DH and I didn’t really bother with the whole engagement process, found it quite antiquated and silly. I didn’t get an engagement ring, we just decided to get married and it was extremely lowkey. It’s how we roll, we’re quite private. A friend of mine chose her own engagement ring and they didn’t tell anyone until they’d planned the wedding.

Is he usually a private person?

Skittlenommer · 19/08/2019 21:45

We didn’t tell anyone for a week because we just wanted to enjoy it by ourselves for a little while before everyone found out. Sometimes people need a little time to process it before letting everyone else know!

DustyJigsaw · 19/08/2019 21:45

It maybe due to him feeling emotional about it, and doesn't want to show this emotion to his mum, particularly if she has been a difficult or critical parent.

I think it actually is to do with his relationship with his mum and nothing to do with you, as he wouldn't have asked you in the first place.

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