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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's strange he won't tell anyone we are engaged.

87 replies

misssCa · 19/08/2019 20:08

Saturday - we got engaged.

Saturday afternoon - I told my family.

Now Monday and he still hasn't told anyone not even his mother who he has seen three times since the engagement. Twice for a couple of hours and another for just a couple of minutes.

Surely he would want to share the excitement? I couldn't contain myself and I was so excited to tell my family. He just doesn't seem to be bothered about letting them know at all.

Is this normal? Was it just silly of me to tell people so soon?

Fully prepared to be in the wrong here.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 19/08/2019 20:25

I can think of one very big reason why he wouldn't tell his family.
Because they know something about him that you don't
I'm afraid that was my thoughts too.

You've been together two year now OP. Do you live together full-time? As in 7 days a week, almost every week. Have you got shared finances?

I could understand not telling all friends instantly, but not telling his family after seeing them multiple times is shady

theoriginalmadambee · 19/08/2019 20:25

Just asked dh, his first thought was that your dp is scared of any drama when telling. Or is he so laid back, he cannot see an issue.

Surely ask him, tell him how non-comitted this makes you feel.

ineedaholidaynow · 19/08/2019 20:26

Why doesn’t he just phone her now?

Aquamarine1029 · 19/08/2019 20:27

This is not a good sign. Something is going on with him, although it's hard to know what.

Original poster
misssCa · 19/08/2019 20:27

He’s calling currently at work. We live together. He should be back in about 10 minutes. I’ve been waiting all day to discuss this but wanted to make sure I wasn’t being daft.

OP posts:
PullingMySocksUp · 19/08/2019 20:27

I suppose he might want you to be there too when he tells them?

PuffHuffle5 · 19/08/2019 20:28

I’m gonna give him the benifit of the doubt here and say maybe he just doesn’t want the fuss? As soon as you tell someone you’re engaged it’s ‘congratulations!’ from all directions and some people are a bit uncomfortable with that - like how some people prefer not to make a big deal out of their birthday. Is he usually quite a private person?

EagleAndTheHawk · 19/08/2019 20:30

I don't think it means anything bad.

When I got engaged, my DP told his family but I didn't tell mine for about 4/5 months and I saw them every day.

1Morewineplease · 19/08/2019 20:31

Hold your horses dear... confront him as to why he hasn’t told his mum. You should both be shouting your news from the rooftops... yet you both seem to be skulking. You both really need to talk. Good luck!

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2019 20:33

Perhaps he wants to tell his parents when you are together to show off the ring.

Topsecretidentity · 19/08/2019 20:35

I didn't tell mine straight away either. I knew they wouldn't be pleased and wanted to enjoy the moment for myself before dealing with the drama. Is there a possibility that your DF's family might not see your engagement as happy news?

category12 · 19/08/2019 20:35

Weird.

ineedaholidaynow · 19/08/2019 20:36

Eagle why did you take so long to tell your family? How would they have felt if they found out from someone else?

SuzieQ10 · 19/08/2019 20:38

Has he been married or engaged previously?

Sedlescombe · 19/08/2019 20:39

Ok I’m being generous here. Is there an upcoming family event he might be saving the announcement for.

31RueCambon · 19/08/2019 20:40

Good point. Will his mum say "is this engagement going to lead to a wedding?"

Apolloanddaphne · 19/08/2019 20:41

Seems a bit odd. Unless he is just embarrassed by people making a fuss? Are his family likely to make a big thing of it?

ElizaDee · 19/08/2019 20:41

I'd think the fact that you've barely spoken about it is more concerning.

sonjadog · 19/08/2019 20:42

He might just find it awkward. I hate telling family and friends news about my personal life. It just feels so intrusive. I know it is weird and completely my problem, but I can see that in a similar position I could put off telling them.

CallMeOnMyCell · 19/08/2019 20:42

Is he a private person? When I got engaged I only told people when I felt ready for the fuss that comes from telling people as I hate being the centre of attention.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/08/2019 20:44

My fiancé proposed in May on a Friday, we told his family on the Sunday... but together; the first time we saw them afterwards. He wanted to tell them face to face, and they'd known he was going to propose but not exactly when so they didn't let it slip to me.

That feels a bit different than what yours is doing, though...

My instinct would be to not mention it again and judge him by his actions.

Boopeedoop · 19/08/2019 20:44

Is it possible he is waiting until you are with him to share the news?

MammaBear20 · 19/08/2019 20:45

My former fiancé was the same. He then refused to set a date. 3 years on I couldn’t take the humiliation anymore and wish I’d listened to others earlier x

EagleAndTheHawk · 19/08/2019 20:48

@ineedaholidaynow my family aren't very private, would have put it all over SM and found something to pick at, which they did, his proposal was 'cheap and not romantic' and I should wear the ring proudly on my finger not a necklace. I just didn't want them making my happy moment a bad one

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 19/08/2019 20:49

When he comes home tell him you want to set a date. I bet you any money he tries to stall.

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