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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU son’s step mother vetting his messages to me

59 replies

Mrsmememe · 19/08/2019 14:58

I’ll keep it brief.
Son is 8 and has an iPad which has messaging function. He only has me, his stepdad (my DH), his dad, his grandmothers numbers on it.
Son was upset after spending a week with his dad and step mum as he said his step mum made him show her all the messages I was sending to my son and his replies. He said she said it was so she could make sure we weren’t saying anything mean about her.
AIBU to think it’s not really her place?

OP posts:

Clangus00 · 19/08/2019 15:02

Damn right it isn’t. What does his dad say?

Rainbowhairdontcare · 19/08/2019 15:03

I think you're 100% within you it rights, but make me add her as contact?

Sparklesocks · 19/08/2019 15:03

That’s ridiculous!

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 19/08/2019 15:04

Ffs. Way out of line. Have you told your ex?

Original poster

Mrsmememe · 19/08/2019 15:04

I’ve messaged my ex-husband to say my son was upset about it and it’s not appropriate. Haven’t had a reply.

OP posts:

youarenotkiddingme · 19/08/2019 15:05

Oh for crying out loud.

Paranoid much?

She is being totally unreasonable.

I though you were going to say she monitored what he was sending during their contact time - which would be reasonable. But then only to check who he's messaging rather than the ins and outs of what he's saying.

AutumnCrow · 19/08/2019 15:05

She's an insecure twat.

However, the issue you have is with your Ex - he needs to stop facilitating behaviour that's upsetting your child.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 19/08/2019 15:06

What's the background? Do you and the SM have a poor history?

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 19/08/2019 15:10

That's awful. I am a stepmum and would never do that to the kids. She needs to get a grip.

Original poster

Mrsmememe · 19/08/2019 15:10

Background is basically my ex husband and her had an affair when son was under a year old. I found out when they sent a video of themselves going at it in a hotel to his mobile but he forgot it showed up on the home iPad. Which weirdly I can laugh about now. I’ve never had anything to do with her really. Kids don’t really like her but never anything specific as to why. She has an 8 year old son of her own who has inflicted multiple injuries on my son over the years. They live 250 miles away so contact is alternate weekends and half the holidays.

OP posts:

mordecaithomas · 19/08/2019 15:12

I wouldn't be surprised if you don't get a response from him or he ends up defending her. She sounds like a class A cunt.

Original poster

Mrsmememe · 19/08/2019 15:12

I’m trying to look at it from another point of view but struggling. My husband would never get involved in messages or calls between son and his dad.
I think son is just upset because he feels like they don’t trust him.

OP posts:

NoSauce · 19/08/2019 15:13

Not her place. She shouldn’t be putting your DS in such an uncomfortable position.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/08/2019 15:14

I’m trying to look at it from another point of view but struggling.

There isn’t one. She sounds awful.

KUGA · 19/08/2019 15:17

Sorry
But I wouldn't let another child hit out at mine.
And a step mom going through his I-pad nosey bitch.
If your husband cant stop him being hit and sorting the step mom out Ide stop him seeing him so much.
And I bet it wouldn't bother your son either.
Whatever you decide I hope it turns out well for you and your son.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 19/08/2019 15:20

You can understand her being nervous around technology... 😄

But no, of course you're not being unreasonable, she is way out of order. I'd take it up with your ex.

MarySibleysFamiliar · 19/08/2019 15:20

No excuse whatsoever. Call your ex husband and demand an explanation. Don't bother waiting for him to answer messages.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 19/08/2019 15:20

No, usually on step-parenting AIBU's there's another side to the story or an alternative view, but here she's absolutely overstepping her boundary and rights, and needs to learn her place.

Also, your Ex is a piece of shit. You know that, obviously, but what an utter tool.

Marvinmarvinson · 19/08/2019 15:21

I'd be a bit suspicious about this. What exactly is she worried your lad would say? What is going on there that she would be concerned about preventing your child talking about?

dollydaydream114 · 19/08/2019 15:21

I honestly don't think I'd feel comfortable letting a child spend time away from home anywhere where he couldn't message you in private. Apart from the massive invasion of his and your privacy, what if he was upset or worried and wanted to tell you, and she censored his messages? Absolutely awful.

AmIThough · 19/08/2019 15:23

If she didn't want him to say mean things about her she shouldn't be a home-wrecking bitch.

YADNBU.

Wehttam · 19/08/2019 15:25

Odd odd odd. She has other woman paranoia for sure. Something isn’t right there, are the kids happy to spend time there?

carly2803 · 19/08/2019 15:26

what are they hiding? why cant he message you in private?

Wehttam · 19/08/2019 15:27

Also she’s a home wrecking bitch twat so there’s no surprise her boy is a horror to your son. Tread carefully, she can not be trusted.

Yabbers · 19/08/2019 15:28

my son was upset about it

Was he really?

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