AIBU son’s step mother vetting his messages to me

[Mrsmememe]

I’ll keep it brief.
Son is 8 and has an iPad which has messaging function. He only has me, his stepdad (my DH), his dad, his grandmothers numbers on it.
Son was upset after spending a week with his dad and step mum as he said his step mum made him show her all the messages I was sending to my son and his replies. He said she said it was so she could make sure we weren’t saying anything mean about her.
AIBU to think it’s not really her place?

She’s out of order.

What does your Ex husband think of his step son injuring his son?

My ex-husband says, and I quote ‘boys will be boys’.

I have a very good solicitor and while we haven’t had to go down the court route yet everything is logged in case things ever get worse.

Ok so he’s decided to not protect your ds. Great dad. Thinking with his dick. 😞 I do like the idea of using some kind of code as suggested by RedHats

@dollydaydream114

Mine couldn't have cared less. Still the same at 10 years old.

boys will be boys

That's just lazy parenting, as a PP has said he's just thinking with his dick. I'm glad you are getting this documented but if there are anymore injuries I'd be inclined to stop contact until his dad can act like any decent parent.

in case things gets worse

Your son is being controlled and assaulted. How the hell can they get worse for him?? At what point will you say enough is enough?!

She sounds vile. Reminds me of my dad's girlfriend (although she was never OW, they met after my parents split).

She was very jealous of my mum (my dad clearly still had feelings for her) and she was controlling. She would eavesdrop on phone conversations between me and my mother if I stayed at their house. I actually did say bad things about her on the phone... But only because they were true! She would be very unpleasant in her treatment of me and be very nasty. I was always crying at their house, she was horrible. She regularly called my mother names and told me she was nasty, and I would grow up to be nasty just like her. She'd stop me from spending any time with my dad. So naturally I'd want to call my mum because I was upset, and then dad's girlfriend would panic and realise I'd spill the beans so she'd listen in to the calls and make up stupid reasons why I had to get off the phone. By age 10 I refused to go round anymore. My dad was a disappointing, spineless puppet throughout. Never stuck up for me, never took my side. Always defended his nasty girlfriend.

They aren't together anymore and he's told me he regrets it all. I'm 30 now. Too little, too late.

Anyway, as hard as these situations are, rest assured that your son knows who is on his side. He certainly won't be looking back on fond memories of this woman.

My oh would check the messages between his dc and his ex (dc mum)

BUT..... this was because she has form for contacting them to deliberately upset them while dc are with him to ruin the time they spend together. It was relentless.

In the end phones got switched off and charged overnight with oh, only returned when he was up and about. WiFi would go off if it got particularly bad.

Assuming you’re not being a cow or manipulating your child to upset them on dads time, I’d say you’ve made your point, but there isn’t that much you can do realistically other than say to ex and to your son that your son will only show his phone to his dad if asked, and not to dad’s wife.

How long has your DS been having this long distance contact, because I think it’s due for a review. DS clearly is unhappy, the SM’s DS is jealous and violent, DS’ dad is spineless and the SM herself doesn’t make DS feel welcome. Any of us as teens or adults would refuse to be there.

I’d suggest that EXH comes by himself to see DS when it’s his weekend next. The whole point of contact is for the child’s benefit, as children need it, and it is to be hoped the parents will do what is right for them. I’d knock on the head half of the holidays, I can’t see any benefit for a child who has to be with a parent but has his SM policing his messages to the other parent. EXH can’t say that you are refusing contact, just that it is taking a different form. Then you can see how long it lasts. I presume the dad comes to pick up DS to take him to his home? The only change will be he comes and stays in a B&B for a couple of nights when he comes to see DS. If he doesn’t make the effort DS won’t want to see him anyway.

In one of your posts you said “they don’t like her” about the SM, do you have two DC who go there?