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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just had a letter child overweight

61 replies

dereece123 · 18/08/2019 19:12

Well yea she is a bit but just has large hips and bust and her stomach sticks out a bit bit she is solid no fat tbh. Maybe if they took a look at her medical records they would see she is limited exercise as she has a congenital heart disease and cannot tolerate running jumping as she gets out of breath. But goes swimming a lot as she finds this easier but cannot do a whole length in one go (as her stupid school found out when she got out of the water and passed out as they made her try 2 lengths) then went into meltdown when they realised about her heart even though they had all her medical history and do’s and dont’s. The hospital she attends in London have been asked about her weight and have told us she is healthy and bright and do not worry. She eats healthy all fresh food and veg and her school meals are also healthy they grow all their vegetables and does not have a sweet tooth. She is growing fast so her tummy is going down. Her mum was exactly the same but is only a 12 now she is nearly 12 years old so sir this letter is of no use to us. We keep an eye on whatever she eats get her as much physical exercise that she can tolerate she is a happy child and we will not be contacting you. But will
Gladly take your letter to the hospital when we attend her next checkup

OP posts:
ThisIsNotAIBUPeople · 18/08/2019 19:14

Just ignore it. Especially given the circumstances.Thanks

Saucery · 18/08/2019 19:15

Bin it, if she’s under consultant care for her heart then the opinion of an untrained school nurse means nothing.
You can withdraw permission for the height and weight checks at school too, so you needn’t get any more of those letters.

Lockheart · 18/08/2019 19:15

Who are you writing this to?

PuffHuffle5 · 18/08/2019 19:22

What is your AIBU? Confused

Chitarra · 18/08/2019 19:24

It's a warning sign OP. Just be aware that you need to keep an eye on what she's eating.

toadabode · 18/08/2019 19:25

@Saucery no school nurse is untrained. That’s a paradox in itself

Saucery · 18/08/2019 19:26

@toadabode ok Smile

kitk · 18/08/2019 19:27

These letters are all automated and are triggered by a higher than average BMI. Nobody is looking into individual circumstances. Just chuck the letter and focus on your kid

sofato5miles · 18/08/2019 19:28

With a congenital heart disease, I would have thought that you would have to keep an extra eye on her diet. How are her portion sizes as she can't do much exercise?

sofato5miles · 18/08/2019 19:29

Is she a size 12 at 12 years old? How tall us she?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/08/2019 19:30

It’s just a warning letter designed to look out for children.

Some parents can’t see it or make excuses for it etc and need to be told sadly.

If the letters help even one child have a healthier lifestyle thanks to changes made after receiving it then it’s a worthwhile exercise.

Wolfiefan · 18/08/2019 19:30

Weight is much more about food intake than exercise. If she’s “solid” and her stomach sticks out at age 12 then yes she may well be overweight. Those letters are automatically generated but it is worth considering portion size etc.

G5000 · 18/08/2019 19:31

Weight is mostly down to eating, not exercise. And it's possible to eat too much of healthy food as well. Good idea to discuss her weight during her next check up.

Propertyofhood · 18/08/2019 19:31

As PPs have said, this is just an automated letter. If there are special circumstances then why do you care? Don't take it personally.

hazeyjane · 18/08/2019 19:32

My ds has his height and weight monitored by several hcps including a dietician, so we opt out of the school weigh ins...can you not do that?

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/08/2019 19:34

With a congenital heart disease, I would have thought that you would have to keep an extra eye on her diet.

Fair point.

OP, you’re clearly annoyed by something you see as wrong and irrelevant so not sure what you want people to say?

It’s possible for a child to be healthy, bright and overweight.

Ridiclious · 18/08/2019 19:35

If she has a heart problem it's even more important to be on top of her weight so her heart isn't working extra to pump blood around a bigger body than it should. These letters are intended to let people know that they should be aware of their child's weight and take action to bring it back within the normal range. Unfortunately there's a growing problem of people ignoring them so the obesity rate increases.

Elieza · 18/08/2019 19:36

Perhaps the school nurse had no access to additional information affecting the children’s health and bases her letters purely on height and weight. Could be a privacy issue or something. Although I’d imagine it would be helpful for nursing staff to know things like that, who has asthma, who has diabetes type one, who has haemophilia, heart issues etc?

I’d be writing to remind the school of your child’s issues and make sure they know so there are no more letters. What if the nurse accidentally made some judgemental comment about eating too many sweets or somesuch to your child that upset them? A factual letter to the school should sort this.

thirdfiddle · 18/08/2019 19:38

The making her carry on exercising beyond her capacity is much more worrying than some standard form letter. Have you been able to speak to the PE department since to make sure the right people know? Could your DD carry a letter or something to show any substitute teachers? Must have been really scary for her.

transformandriseup · 18/08/2019 19:38

Well yea she is a bit but just has large hips and bust and her stomach sticks out a bit bit she is solid no fat tbh.

I don’t think the letter is saying your DD is fat, just slightly too heavy for her age. No drastic action needs to be taken. I was a size 10 at 12 years old and fully clothed I looked like a beanpole, but underneath I had a bit of a tummy.

transformandriseup · 18/08/2019 19:40

Oh I was about 5ft 3 at that age so height will matter.

PinkiOcelot · 18/08/2019 19:41

I got one of these letters for dd2. It went straight in the bin.

Like your dad, she was solid with a bit of a tummy. She did swimming, netball and rode her bike regularly. She also ate really healthy too.

She’s now 15 and 5’6” and a svelte size 10.
Don’t worry about it x

PinkiOcelot · 18/08/2019 19:42

Like your dd!!

Saucery · 18/08/2019 19:42

That’s the trouble Elieza. School nurses are not trained to look beyond the basic height and weight data and all the letters are sent regardless of any other hcp involvement. Which can be worrying and upsetting for parents. It’s a blunt tool which says very little about a child’s health overall.

Lovemusic33 · 18/08/2019 19:46

If it was a thing done at school by the school nurse then I wouldn’t worry, they just weight and measure and then let parents know the outcome, BMI is a bit of a waste of time, some people carry more muscle and may have a high BMI when in fact they are pretty fit because weighing and measuring doesn’t distinguish fat and muscle.

My Dd have wide hips and carries weight around her thighs and bottom, she has several conditions that make exercise hard, she doesn’t eat a huge amount but gains weight easily, her sister eats twice as much as her but moves around a lot more and is very skinny. I do try and encourage gentle exercise for dd1 as I worry the extra weight will make her conditions worse but getting someone to exercise when it’s painful is pretty hard Sad