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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my daughter's being selfish?

109 replies

mummythedoctor · 18/08/2019 06:37

I told my daughters (14 & 11) to start getting up earlier to practice for school. I did not expect to be woken up by my older one at 5:45! The shower is the other side of the wall from my bedroom, and she said she had to shower in the morning when she goes back to school. I asked her why it had to be 5:45am, and why she couldn't use the other (much worse, to be fair) shower. She told me she had to dry/straighten her hair and do her makeup which apparently takes an hour and a half? I don't mind her wearing makeup, but I'm being woken up an hour earlier than I need to. I pointed this out to her and her response was "you don't need to sleep for that long (9 hours), and I don't see how it's fair that you get to use the nice shower and I don't". I suppose I can understand wanting to shower in the morning, but AIBU to think she's being selfish?

OP posts:
Blueoasis · 18/08/2019 08:51

You asked her to do it, it's your fault. And fix the crap shower, why do you expect her to use the crap one and you get the nice one? Hmm

TatianaLarina · 18/08/2019 08:53

I can remember what being a teen was like. Sleep was paramount.

I got up 30 mins before i had to leave, had a quick shower, threw on clothes and left.

Original poster
mummythedoctor · 18/08/2019 08:54

I probably should've mentioned, she has long, thick hair so I imagine most of her time is spent on hair instead of makeup.

OP posts:
Toneitdown · 18/08/2019 08:57

That is very long time to spend doing hair and make up, but it's up to her. Some people like to spend a lot of time on their appearance and some don't. If she's prepared to get up that early to facilitate it then I don't think it's fair to tell her it's silly or insists that she cuts down the time.

diddl · 18/08/2019 08:58

"I got up 30 mins before i had to leave, had a quick shower, threw on clothes and left."

That was me too.

Still is!

No hairdryer so generally hair was washed the night before.

I think that people can take as long as they like if it's not disturbing others.

herculepoirot2 · 18/08/2019 08:59

Hoist on your own petard.

youarenotkiddingme · 18/08/2019 09:02

Give it a few days. She's enthusiastic and doing what you asked.

I'm sure after a period of time and when she's in school getting up that early every day to wash and straighten hair will become a thing of a chore.

Buy her a shower cap. Decathlon actually do some lovely swim caps that work better. She should only need to wash hair 2-3 times a week then.

Toothproblems · 18/08/2019 09:05

Be happy she did as you asked.
Be happy she showers
Be happy shes time managing
Be happy she likes to be presentable
Be happy you get a full night's sleep

Don't be THAT mother where whatever she does is wrong even though it's what you asked her to do

chestadrawas · 18/08/2019 09:07

Yep, YABU

She did exactly as she was asked. She's worked out how long she needs to get ready and it doesn't matter if others could be quicker or think it's too early. That's a very important skill for life and you should be pleased.

Get the other shower fixed and let her crack on.

JellyfishAndShells · 18/08/2019 09:12

I would be more concerned about my 14 year old troweling on make before school

My DD was joking about this recently re her quite strict, all girls school
Yr 7 Fresh faced
Yr 8 Sneaking some mascara and foundation past Mum and teachers
Yr9 Full face of makeup, hair restyled three ways, tears because weird kink in fringe
Yr10 Mascara and brows, hair clean and up in pony tail because rushing to get rest of homework done before school
Yr 11 Concealer for the dark rings under the eyes because revision .Messy bun isn’t a fashion choice.

Grimbles · 18/08/2019 09:15

You could always go to bed an hour earlier to practice getting enough sleep before they go back to school Wink

Loveislandaddict · 18/08/2019 09:24

You reap what you sow.

You asked her to get up early, so she did!

Serin · 18/08/2019 09:24

If she wants to wear make up I really cant see the problem (but then I had a daughter with pink hair who still managed to grow into a professional career).

pictish · 18/08/2019 09:25

Omg @ the brows though...the brows! They are something else!

RedForShort · 18/08/2019 09:37

Kewlwifee: "15 year old girls shouldn't be showering the night before to go to school. Neither should adults. You can't shower and then go to bed, sweaty and stinky and get up without having a shower and go to work or school. That's why the buses and tubes stink so much."
To be fair, if someone showers so they are sweaty and stinky it would make no difference if they showered in the morning .

TheCatInAHat · 18/08/2019 09:46

I really hope you’re not a doctor. Rational/logical thinking doesn’t appear to be your friend.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 18/08/2019 09:49

I have thick hair. It takes me the same amount of time to wash/dry put on make up. She would be best washing the night before makes straightening it in the morning so much easier!

derxa · 18/08/2019 09:56

www.grammarly.com/blog/practice-practise/

crimsonlake · 18/08/2019 10:23

I am more concerned that she is wearing a face full of make up for school. Does the school allow it? Why are you allowing it??

JeanieJardine55 · 18/08/2019 10:25

I feel your pain. My two older boys have worked every weekend for the last year. (Ds1 has had 1 weekend off ds2 has had a few but worked the weekend ds1 was off). Their shifts are 6-2 or 7-3. They disturb the dogs when they are getting ready which means one of us has to get up to settle them (twice if they are on different shifts). I’m so, so glad they have the jobs as the both have SEN’s and it’s great for them but, boy, it’s hard going.

Are they back at school next week? Could you afford to replace the less good shower?

EleanorReally · 18/08/2019 10:45

it wont last op, dont worry, she wont be getting up this early every single day?

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 18/08/2019 10:48

I used to spend well over an hour getting ready when I was that age, because makeup and hairstyling were still so new to me at that age and it look me ages to get it looking right. Just because she’s spending ages applying it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s applying loads and loads.

Nowadays I can go from bed to showered and out the door with makeup applied in 20 mins if necessary, but that’s after a good 20 years of practising!

BarbariansMum · 18/08/2019 10:50

1.5 hrs getting ready seems excessive to me but it's her choice and I'd let her get on with it.

Bluthbanana · 18/08/2019 10:50

That's early. It's this week in Fife.

Apolloanddaphne and about time too

I do sympathise with you OP, but it's a pretty funny problem of your own creation. I'd be inclined to say that the good shower doesn't go on before 6am - that seems a reasonable time to me. And I'd maybe be encouraging her to rethink the idea that at 14 she should be spending an hour and a half on her appearance for school.

Nanny0gg · 18/08/2019 10:54

I would tell her that hair washing takes place the night before (I never wash my hair in the morning)

Lucky you. My hair looks terrible in the mornings so I have to wash it then.