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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my daughter's being selfish?

109 replies

mummythedoctor · 18/08/2019 06:37

I told my daughters (14 & 11) to start getting up earlier to practice for school. I did not expect to be woken up by my older one at 5:45! The shower is the other side of the wall from my bedroom, and she said she had to shower in the morning when she goes back to school. I asked her why it had to be 5:45am, and why she couldn't use the other (much worse, to be fair) shower. She told me she had to dry/straighten her hair and do her makeup which apparently takes an hour and a half? I don't mind her wearing makeup, but I'm being woken up an hour earlier than I need to. I pointed this out to her and her response was "you don't need to sleep for that long (9 hours), and I don't see how it's fair that you get to use the nice shower and I don't". I suppose I can understand wanting to shower in the morning, but AIBU to think she's being selfish?

OP posts:

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 18/08/2019 08:05

I would be concerned if my 14 year old was wasting 1.5 hours a day on hair and makeup. What an absolutely waste of time and incorrect priorities. She’s not going to prom! I think I spent that amount of time on my wedding day!

Jellybeansincognito · 18/08/2019 08:06

No she’s not being selfish, I used to get up at the same time to do the same.

She’s taking care of how she looks and her personal hygiene and it could be worse, you could be fighting her into the shower every morning.

Apolloanddaphne · 18/08/2019 08:07

Scottish schools go back this coming week.

SoundsAboutRight · 18/08/2019 08:08

Why are they practising? I assume perhaps the 11 year old might be heading to high school so might need to get up earlier if it's further away or something, but have they both moved schools? What did the 14 year old do throughout the last year at school...?

And I'm another one that says fix the other shower. Would that be possible?

To be fair, I spend on average almost 10 hours in bed but get at the most 5-6 hours of sleep due to insomnia, maybe OP doesn't actually get 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

CherryPavlova · 18/08/2019 08:09

Are they allowed that much makeup at fourteen?

I suspect it will pass and she’ll be scrunching her hair into a messy bun as she grabs a banana and rushes for the bus soon enough.

Bowerbird5 · 18/08/2019 08:09

StarlightLady I’ll be doing the same this week. I have been staying up latter and getting up after 9 because I can! I started going to bed earlier last night and I am getting up shortly. I’ll get up earlier each day until I am back to my routine before going to school. I don’t take an hour and a half to do make up though. I can be out of the house in an hour and that includes feeding pets and hanging washing out😁

OP I would suggest they get up at 8 and start fifteen minutes earlier each day so they have a bit of holiday time left. However if they are willing to get up earlier I would leave a list of jobs and what time to bring you a cup of tea😬

Beesandcheese · 18/08/2019 08:09

She got up in enough time to get ready. You have your little sulk about it but you can bet she'll be laughing with her friends about the grumpy cow sulking she got what she wanted.

origamiunicorn · 18/08/2019 08:11

Is this a joke? Making teenagers practice getting up early to be ready for school while you enjoy a remarkable 9 hours of sleep?

This

WalkofShame · 18/08/2019 08:12

Sorry OP but I think that’s quite funny. Teenage me would have been very pissed off at being made to “practice” getting up and frankly, waking you up in the process (while technically doing exactly what you asked) is rather an excellently PA way to make the point. Kind of with your daughter on this one. Also wouldn’t have wanted to use the crap shower.

I also can’t quite get past the amount of sleep. 9 hours sleep?! So she only woke you up after you’d had 8 which is absolutely loads of sleep!

this

She’s got a great attitude, she has done exactly what you asked of her, hasn’t actually done anything wrong and has managed to give you a big 🖕 at the same time.

She sounds great!

Kewlwifee · 18/08/2019 08:14

15 year old girls shouldn't be showering the night before to go to school. Neither should adults. You can't shower and then go to bed, sweaty and stinky and get up without having a shower and go to work or school. That's why the buses and tubes stink so much.

Groovee · 18/08/2019 08:15

@Apolloanddaphne we went back last week in Edinburgh.

Wherearemycrayons · 18/08/2019 08:19

I’m definitely with your daughter on this one, sorry.
You asked her to get up earlier and she has, with correct time to ensure she’s not late for school.
PP saying that it’s ridiculous wearing make up at that age, it’s not. Maybe 10 or so years ago when I was at school, but things have changed a lot and a lot of younger girls now do it so to expect her not to follow suit is ridiculous.
Lesson learned OP

TatianaLarina · 18/08/2019 08:21

New shower as others have said.

I’d be concerned that she’s so anxious about her appearance for school. I’m guessing it’s mixed.

pictish · 18/08/2019 08:22

I was a goth and used to spend well over an hour doing my make up and crimping and backcombing my hair for school, going to the shop...whatever. If I was leaving the house the preening was happening...and yes I used to get up early to accommodate it.

Must say it didn’t last for too long. Turns out I cba after all. By the time I was 16 I was dead low maintenance on the hair and make up front. Still am.
It’s a phase...and it’s all about carving your own identity and presenting who you want to be to the world. Far from it being ‘incorrect priorities’, developmentally speaking, she’s precisely where she ought to be.

Apolloanddaphne · 18/08/2019 08:35

@Groovee. That's early. It's this week in Fife.

Skittlenommer · 18/08/2019 08:36

Not only are YBVU you don’t sound a delight to live with. Also 14 years old is a little young to be worried about putting make-up on in the morning!!

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 18/08/2019 08:38

I hope she takes some form of make up remover to school with her. If she’s spent 90 minutes trowelling it on, she’ll end plenty when she’s told to remove it.

pictish · 18/08/2019 08:40

I sometimes wonder what some s were like when they were 16 and if they’d recognise themselves now.
What would your teenage self have said on this thread?

Butchyrestingface · 18/08/2019 08:44

she's always been an early riser, but it's only now she's started showering in the morning because apparently it's more hygienic.

If she’s a naturally early riser, why on earth does she need to practise getting up for school?

At age 14 too - hasn’t she been going to school for 9 years by this point?? What has changed?

TatianaLarina · 18/08/2019 08:46

What would your teenage self have said on this thread?

Stay in bed and get some more sleep!

Apolloanddaphne · 18/08/2019 08:48

Loads of schools allow make up to be worn. I doubt she will be asked to remove it.

amymel2016 · 18/08/2019 08:48

You asked her to get up and she got up! You’re BU for making them practice getting up

Juells · 18/08/2019 08:48

Practise getting up for school 🤣

LillithsFamiliar · 18/08/2019 08:50

I don't think 90 minutes to do hair and make up is excessive. As a teen, I hardly wore any make up but my hair took ages to do, then there was my cleansing, toning, moisturising routine for my face, etc.
I agree with pictish some posters seem to have forgotten what being a teen is like.
OP you can't tell them to get up and then when they do what you've told them to do, say 'not like that'.

ZenNudist · 18/08/2019 08:51

1.5h to put make up on and do her hair!

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