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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that talking about ‘your inheritance’ when the person who you assume will leave you money is still alive is bloody disgusting?

97 replies

BasinHaircut · 17/08/2019 10:21

I hope that the benefactor lives another 30 years just to piss them off TBH.

A friends husband does this all the time. He likes to talk about money anyway and think it's an insecurity thing where he has to prove himself in a group of people. He isn’t wealthy, doesn’t own a home, no savings, but earns well, spends well and loves well.

Is counting on his wife's inheritance to set him up for life but is approaching 40 already and MIL could live another 15 years easily and isn’t exactly wealthy either, just owns her own home.

I can’t bear someone essentially waiting for someone else to die to get their grubby mitts on some cash.

OP posts:
yellowallpaper · 17/08/2019 10:59

It's disgusting. Ridiculous too as the house and saving can be taken to pay for care of the MIL.

JapaneseBirdPainting · 17/08/2019 11:01

I know someone (neighbour) who talked openly about what he would do when his father died. (range rover and extension). he was prefectly open about it. His father died, and he spent the money on that.

But his son (aged 30s ) whenever our neighbour would spend any money (even if out for dinner) would tell him'Don't spend my inheritance' and MEANT it. The neighbour would complain. My dad couldn't take it anymore and told him straight that it was karma.

nrpmum · 17/08/2019 11:06

My Mum talks about it all the time. I do think it's important to discuss these things in a practical sense (I'm a financial advisor) but I don't want to have to listen to her bleat on about it every month. Circumstances change. People might need home care, or to live in a care home. Personally I'd rather help my kids as much as I can whilst they are younger and need it more than leave them a large chunk in their 60's.

Lockheart · 17/08/2019 11:08

I had an uncle like this. Always wittering on and complaining that "his inheritance" was being used to pay for my grandparents care.

It's not your inheritance until the benefactor is dead - up to that point, it's the benefactors money.

SockMachine · 17/08/2019 11:08

“Don’t worry, by the time the MIL goes the Tories will have made her sell her house to pay for elderly care so he’ll get nothing.”
Eh? This is already happening, as routine Confused

Utterly crass to talk about his wife’s parents like that.

But in reality many it not most parents do want to pass something on to their children if they can, and either do it early or plan to leave something in their will, whatever is within their means.

But being grabby and looking forward to the death of someone in order to inherit is obviously vile.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 17/08/2019 11:09

Let’s hope the MIL does equity release and blows the lot on five-star holidays and toy boys. That’d show the bugger.

SockMachine · 17/08/2019 11:09

Oh, I see, I misunderstood the comment I quoted, sorry!

viques · 17/08/2019 11:10

And has he thought what will happen should his wife die before her mother? I can imagine him fuming at the thought of the remaining sibling spending "his" inheritance!

RedForShort · 17/08/2019 11:10

Yes, see it on here too. Someone starts a thread about 'my inheritance' or 'DH's inheritance' and at some point you realise ths person who's money it is, is still alive. Hard not to point out to them on the thread it's not an inheritance!!

LatteLove · 17/08/2019 11:10

I had an old boss like this, a conveyancing partner in a law firm as well. He basically had a massive endowment mortgage with no repayment vehicle and was planning on his wife’s elderly maiden aunt dying and leaving enough money to pay it off. Grim.

Pumpkinbee · 17/08/2019 11:11

To me it's very uncouth. It shouldn't be talked about outside of family. DH and I have acknowledged to ourselves that from my side of the family we are likely to be reasonably well off at some point when we are older due to me being the only next of kin with only one sibling to share it with to several of our family members, but that's only if they choose to leave inheritances to next of kin, we are not assuming they will, just that it's likely. We are not likely to inherit from his side just due to different circumstances. That's as far as the conversation is going, we are not making any plans for it. At the end of the day nobody has a 'right' to an inheritance, its up to those who passed away what they do with their earthly possessions and hard earned money.

HollowTalk · 17/08/2019 11:12

There's just been a case of the old couple who were found dead. Because they made each other beneficiaries, one daughter (the step daughter of the one who was ruled to have died first) got nothing

Yes, but the other step daughter said they should split 50-50 (and bear in mind her mum had put more into the property) whereas the other said no, she wanted it all. That's why it went to court. It was pretty obvious it was the wife's family who would inherit because she was younger and the younger one is considered to be the last to die, in that sort of situation. Why the woman who took it to court thought she should have the lot is anyone's guess - it sounds like pure greed.

TheFaerieQueene · 17/08/2019 11:14

Hopefully his wife will divorce this grasping arse long before her mother dies.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/08/2019 11:14

Very crass. Glad my dh is not like this.

BigFatLiar · 17/08/2019 11:15

I tell everyone I'm leaving everything to the cat & dog home

chomalungma · 17/08/2019 11:16

DS is planning this. I told him that if anything dodgy happened, he'd be the first suspect...

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 17/08/2019 11:20

We have told ds that we are spending his inheritance now.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 17/08/2019 11:20

I guess it could be horrible... but equally many people know they will inherit money from their parents whom they love and may consider how they would invest that money without for a minute wishing anything but health for their parents. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to (if it has been said by the older person, and no feuds or issues) talk about inheritance.

QualCheckBot · 17/08/2019 11:21

YANBU. It is rather. I mean, there is a degree of discussion which is reasonable, if raised by the potential testator in terms of IHT planning, or if one sibling has already been given an inheritance "in advance" and another hasn't, and wishes to raise the issue before the testator is dead! But what you describe is vile.

It also works the other way. DH's parents have long loved to tell him "not to expect anything when we die". At the dinner table when we are all having general talk. Its happened several times. They also love to discuss how they were treated unfairly in their own parents' wills. I find this equally vile.

flouncyfanny · 17/08/2019 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngelasAshes · 17/08/2019 11:23

Inheritance is something you don’t mention unless the person putting it in their will mentions it first. I’ve had conversations with my widower dad when he’s refusing to install heaters in his home or get a cleaner in (he lives abroad on an island). And he’ll say that money is your inheritance (mine and my siblings) and how he’s not touching it. I then try and convince him that I’d rather he be warm and in a clean home than living in freezing squalor so I can get some cash. I tell him, spend my share then... we did compromise and he put in some heaters and agreed to keep house at 20C.
But he’s stubborn at times...have to push him to spend on himself. I think he gets real pleasure seeing digits on a bank statement and feeling like he is still taking care of his kids.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 17/08/2019 11:23

Depends how open people are about money - talking about money is a dirty thing in British cultural standards - its far more American to be crude and speak openly.

DH's God Mother (no children) always says "I'm spending your inheritance" or "Do you want some inheritance now? I like to see it well spent" , which is always nice

However, nursing homes aside, no one knows if they will inherit or not …. there's the younger/new spouse scenario, the over invested carer/friend/neighbour who wriggles their way in, the scammers, poor investments, selling the house to receive income etc etc

Forgotmycoat · 17/08/2019 11:26

I know someone who used to say things like that. On one occasion told them ' one day, other people will be waiting for you to drop dead so they can inherit from you.' They never repeated their comments after that. It gave them pause for thought.

verticality · 17/08/2019 11:28

It makes my blood run cold, and I don't understand how people can be like this.

I knew a guy who was horrible who kept going on about how he was waiting on an inheritance. Sadly, he actually died in his 30s, before any of his parents or PIL. You can never count on anything in life.

FiveFarthings · 17/08/2019 11:41

What a knob. To assume he is entitled to his MIL money is just disgusting. My husband’s family are quite wealthy and I’ve always said that if there is any inheritance to come, then it will be his money to do what he wants. Just because we’re married does not automatically entitle me to his family’s wealth. He recently got some inheritance from an elderly aunt which was a surprise, he’s put it in our joint savings account for both of us but I would never touch that money as it’s not mine.