Being a bridesmaid

[Hulawoola]

I'm a regular but name changed.

So my friend is getting married next summer and wants to buy the bridesmaid dress this month (highstreet, not from a bridal shop) and when I mentioned I want to lose a bit of weight before next year (a couple of big trips next year that I want to feel happier and slimmer for) she got really pissed off.
It is difficult because on the one hand, I get the wanting to be organised, but on the other hand, it is her choice to get married and I can't put my life on hold for a year just because she is getting married. Equally I can't really afford to pay for alterations although I guess I'll have to if she insists on buying the dresses now.
I'd understand if we measured up 8 weeks before and I lost or put on a lot of weight, but is it really unreasonable to not want to put my life on hold for the next year in terms of weight loss?

Of course you shouldn't put off losing weight. Your friend is being ridiculous.

Thank you, I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this!

You definitely shouldn't put your weight loss on hold, but equally she shouldn't have to hold off on getting the dresses if she has already identified the ones she wants.

You can get alterations done fairly cheaply and you have about a year to save for them (I had a bridesmaids dress altered for £50 last year) so hopefully that will be ok for you.

How do you know that you won’t be able to afford alterations in a year’s time? They’re not massively expensive. And who is paying for the dress itself?

I agree you shouldn’t have to put your life on hold but I also think if your friend has seen the ideal dress on the high street she’s entitled to ask to get it now and for you to then pay for alterations if need be.

You shouldn't hold off your diet for your friend (if that's what you want) and your friend shouldn't hold off being organised for your potential weight change. Alterations aren't too expensive you could probably find someone on local FB group or Nextdoor. I had my bridesmaid dress altered for £30 when I got unexpectedly pregnant.

Thanks for all your input everyone. It is interesting to see other peoples perspective. Dresses haven't been found yet, she is ordering options in and we will go shopping to find some options with the view of buying some. I assume she is paying for the dress.

I know alterations can cost around £40/50 (in my area at least!) And to some that may not be much, but unfortunately my circumstances mean I can't afford that. I know what my income is for the next year and that isn't likely to change.
I obviously want to be her bridesmaid but I have a lot of weddings next year plus her hen do which she wants to go abroad for. So I really really can't afford the alterations. I'm trying to save to buy and at the moment I am not saving much due to circumstances.

Surely you can save up £40 for alterations? If the wedding is a year from now then you need to save 77p a week.
Agree that you shouldn’t wait to start a healthier lifestyle but she shouldn’t have to wait to sort the dresses based on your diet either.

Okay I'll accept that I'm being unreasonable and let her buy the dresses soon.
It doesn't change the fact I can't afford the alterations. I don't have a spare 77p a week. I have an extremely tight budget with some big outgoings next year. I don't know why it is so hard for others to understand that not everyone has spare money each week?

Get a size smaller

In my experience people who diet expecting to fit in to smaller BM dresses rarely manage what they think they’ll lose

Just buy the dress and get it altered if you manage it. You’ll feel like a right plum if you don’t lose any weight and then the dress is too small for you

I definitely don't want to buy a size smaller for exactly that reason. I may not lose weight. It just feels too far in advance to buy them.
shirley I'm not losing weight for the dress. I'm losing weight for myself and some events next year! Definitely not her wedding.

Get it altered. Like she doesnt have enough to think about/organise without you wanting her to delay the dresses to suit you! What if you dont lose any weight, then what? At least you'll save money on the alterations, I guess

You sound hard work I'd bin you off. Hopefully the bride reads this. YABU OP. Bullshit you cant save 77p a week. You sound like a terrible friend - one of those who makes excuses after excuses but then feigns sadness when the bride tells you to piss off.

Two of my bridesmaid swore they would lose weight before the wedding, I said that’s fine we can get it altered and in the 8 months, one gained and the other stayed the same - so it’s all very well you saying your going to lose weight but it reality it doesn’t always happen.

Eeek wrong thread sorry!

Gosh how rude pp’s are. I can totally understand why saving 77p a week is impossible for many.

DontBeOffensive haha your username is so ironic given your post.
OP, I see both sides as pp have said, she IBU to expect you to put your weight loss on hold but YABU to stop her from finding her bridesmaids dresses in advance if she wants to.
I left 6 months before the wedding before finding mine.

Get a slightly smaller dress than you would need now? If you plan on losing weight it will hopefully fit, otherwise set a bit aside for alterations.

ifthis I know exactly how stressful organising a wedding is. I haven't told her I want her to change when she orders the dresses. I was asking for opinions on here.
I just happened to mention wanting to lose weight (separate conversation to the dresses) and she seemed to get pissed off. Which internally annoyed me because I shouldn't have to feel guilty for wanting to lose weight. So much can happen in a year.

Sorry X posted and just read this:

I definitely don't want to buy a size smaller for exactly that reason. I may not lose weight.

Don’t bother then - with that attitude you won’t lose any (nothing wrong with that, you don’t have to) and as a bride trying to organise things I would find that quite irritating.

dontbeoffensive can I ask where I have been hard work? Honestly?

Please read my full post. I would like to lose some weight, friend got annoyed. I haven't said to friend not to buy dresses this early.

Why would the bride tell me to piss off? She has no reason to tell me to piss off?

It may be bullshit to you that I can't afford the alterations (it doesn't matter how you lay it out, 77p a week or £40 in one go, it is still money I don't have) but unfortunately it is a lot of money to me.
But as I can see, if it comes to it, I will try to find the money from somewhere and pay for the alterations.

Thanks to the other posters who have been level headed. I really don't think she had the right to be annoyed about me wanting to lose weight but I also won't be annoyed about her buying them this soon.
If the dress needs alterations then I will have to try and find the money from somewhere.

Just to add again, I haven't said to her that I don't want her to buy the dresses yet. So please don't think that i have.

If you can't find a spare 77p each week then I think bridesmaid dresses and weight loss are the least of your worries. I completely accept that finding spare cash is a big problem for some, but you're talking about having trips and occasions next year and yet are living so dangerously close to your financial limits each week??

hobby I do appreciate how it looks but the trips are for specific reasons that I'd rather not go in to. It is extremely outing. Yes I'm having to budget very well for the trips but I have to go on them.
I didn't realise it was so uncommon for people not to have much money spare at the end of each month?!