Being a bridesmaid

[Hulawoola]

I'm a regular but name changed.

So my friend is getting married next summer and wants to buy the bridesmaid dress this month (highstreet, not from a bridal shop) and when I mentioned I want to lose a bit of weight before next year (a couple of big trips next year that I want to feel happier and slimmer for) she got really pissed off.
It is difficult because on the one hand, I get the wanting to be organised, but on the other hand, it is her choice to get married and I can't put my life on hold for a year just because she is getting married. Equally I can't really afford to pay for alterations although I guess I'll have to if she insists on buying the dresses now.
I'd understand if we measured up 8 weeks before and I lost or put on a lot of weight, but is it really unreasonable to not want to put my life on hold for the next year in terms of weight loss?

@DontBeOffensive. You are an absolute piece of work. How fucking dare you! I bet you have never known being skint in your life. The op is not being self centred in the slightest. Providing she is not underweight at present then she has every right to lose weight which will also be better for her physical and mental health. But you think she is being self centred for wanting to put this off for a wedding. You are the bride surely. You must be. Jog on love.

Op please don't listen to this vitriol. You are not being unreasonable for not putting your own health plans on hold for someone else's wedding. It's your health and your life. If you lose the weight it can be sorted nearer the time. If you don't then it's a non issue. Good luck with the weight loss

If the dresses are high street I’m presuming they are not expensive so buy two sizes instead of having to pay for costly alterations. Your friend can’t control your weight loss, anything could happen this year!

She presumably wants to buy the dresses she likes now as they might not be there closer to the wedding, and what if she then can't find any she likes next year and is running out of time? I definitely wouldn't have wanted to leave finding BM dresses too close to my wedding, it's hard finding the right style/colour that fits everyone and everyone likes.

It's stressful planning a wedding, I think you should go for it on the weight loss, but get the dress in your current size and get it altered nearer the time if you need to.

Thank you witchofzog and don't worry - I know that poster isn't my friend because my friend would never act or speak in such a way. My friend was a bit annoyed when I mentioned losing weight but she is lovely and I'm sure it was a slip of the tongue as I know weddings can be stressful.
Thanks for your lovely comment though. I wouldn't say I'm skint or living on the bread line. I just happen to have some things next year that are unavoidable. I will try to find the money (should I need to) and I guess if I can't, my friend would pay.

dontbeoffensive it is ironic really that your username is what it is. If you have actually read my posts, you will see that I have not said anything to the bride.
And of course I am using the word I a lot because I have created this post. And yes I am purposely now using the word I even more now. Ha.

trixya you're right :) and actually I guess some might be on sale now as end of season.
I will not mention anything to my friend and just go along with the size i am now. Thank you.

@Hulawoola the comments from this poster really made me see red. I am glad your friend will take it well. It's true. Weddings can be stressful. But she will realise it isn't unreasonable of you to want to lose weight once she thinks about it a bit more. And in a year or so you will both be able to laugh about it

I think this is often a dilemma, many brides want to pick dresses well ahead and Ive known countless weddings where the bridesmaid dress needs alterations because the bridesmaid hasn’t lost weight and bought the wrong size. Then starts the eBay hunt for dresses the correct size or to use for alterations.

If you want to lose weight then it is for you to prioritise the cost of alterations. You have a year to do this, if your budget is so tight then something has to give, use cash back sites or sell something, or explain that you can’t be bridesmaid as you can’t afford to alter a dress and you plan to lose weight.

Yes Hobby, I was wondering about the trips. If they’re work trips I could see it, but if they’re holidays, I should think they’re considerably more expensive.

I think it’s the bride’s prerogative to buy the dresses she wants, when she wants if she is paying for them and you’ll have to go with it if you want to be a bridesmaid. There are styles that are forgiving if you gain weight, or that can be cinched in if you lose it.

foxyloxy they are budgeted for trips that I am going on. She is my best friend and I wouldn't miss her wedding for anything. But one of these trips is much more important to me than her wedding, for reasons I will not go in to on here. As it is irrelevant.

@hulawoola I do sympathise if you’re skint - other people’s weddings can be bloody expensive :(

Depending on the style of the dress, you might be able to get away without altering it anyway. I’ve lost just over a stone recently and my clothes are slightly looser but not to the point where I’d need a size smaller.

pick a dress which isn't fitted but loose shaped/ high waisted or spend this year learning how to sew (youtube is your friend or the local library) practice on old shirt or skirt that doesn't matter - this could save you money in the long run as a skill -you will need a good friend (to help pin you up equally both sides) tailors chalk, the right thread (colour & material matching) & do it slowly & carefully, If it high waisted - under boob line you will only have to sew under the arms on each side.

mumwon that is a good idea actually! I do have a sewing machine but would need to really learn before attempting a dress!