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AIBU?

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Original poster

Birthday gifts of large unequal value wwyd?

71 replies

panicathediscoagain · 16/08/2019 11:36

DP birthday today. We’re going out this evening with a group of people, one couple my dp has met through his work. This couple are rich, multi-millions rich. Anyway, man of couple happens to share same birthday as DP and is a wine lover so we splashed out (or so we thought) on a bottle of wine which cost us £100.

Received a delivery at home earlier and it has the returns address which is from aforementioned couple. Parcel is huge. I tell DP and he asks me to open it. It’s a set of golf clubs. A quick google search tells me they are worth 3k!

DP panicking as we have a bottle of wine in return. DP is 55 today so hardly a milestone, other man is 60 so definitely a milestone.

What do we do? Please someone help. My DP has really connected with this guy through shared interests and is keen not to fuck this friendship up but What’s protocol here?

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 16/08/2019 11:38

I'm sure they wouldn't expect you to reciprocate with an equal value present.

BadgerBadgerMushroom · 16/08/2019 11:38

Surely if this man values his friendship he will appreciate being given a gift at all. Though to be fair I would have no idea what to buy a millionaire 🙈

Toddlerteaplease · 16/08/2019 11:39

Give them the bottle of wine as planned. If it cost £100 it's going to be good stuff.

stucknoue · 16/08/2019 11:40

The wine is fine, presents are about the thought

Hadalifeonce · 16/08/2019 11:40

Go with the wine, if you have put a lot of thought into this gift, I am sure he will appreciate it.
My DD was given a huge gift by someone at school once, I was very unsure about it as it seemed too much. I went into the school to speak with the house mistress; essentially this boy comes from a very wealthy family and this kind of expensive gift was usual apparently, they didn't consider it to be very expensive as they were extremely wealthy.

user1474894224 · 16/08/2019 11:42

Did he buy your husband golf clubs because your husband wants to start playing and he wants a golf buddy? (Present for both of them in that case. And you husband will have to spend hundreds on good club membership. Lol). Could you make a lovely homemade cake today and ice it for both the birthday boys....that might be appreciated. Show you can give time and care if not a cash present.

SunniDay · 16/08/2019 11:42

Eek - thank him profusely but tell him you are unable to accept the golf clubs - unless you want to more than double your birthday and Christmas budget each year in an attempt to keep up with millionaires.

I think this is a bit insensitive of the rich couple. They have lost touch with the real world. Even if they are not concerned about an equal value gift in return it puts you in an awkward position.

SignedUpJust4This · 16/08/2019 11:43

If they are as rich as you think then dropping a few grand on golf clubs is nothing to them. Gifts do not have to be of equal value.

MrsMozartMkII · 16/08/2019 11:44

I'm better off than many of my friends. I never ever expect gifts of the same monetary value add I've student. I buy them things because I think they'll like them, and they do the same. It's just the cost that's different and nobody cares about it.

Your wine gift sounds lovely.

Chitarra · 16/08/2019 11:46

Give them the bottle of wine as planned. Why on earth should you spend more money on a colleague than you would on a close friend or family member, just because he happens to be rich?

verticality · 16/08/2019 11:47

I would raise it politely "Thank you so much for your more than generous gift. We were absolutely gobsmacked when we opened it. Are you absolutely sure? It is a magnificent present, and while we are incredibly grateful, we feel guilty and embarrassed that we cannot afford to reciprocate in kind." They will waive aside your concerns adn the friendship will proceed!

Yabbers · 16/08/2019 11:57

we feel guilty and embarrassed that we cannot afford to reciprocate in kind

Don’t say this. Not having money is nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed about.

EllesBells123 · 16/08/2019 11:57

Don't worry. Unless he never leaves his very large home, he knows not everyone can afford to buy gifts like he does. My best friend from school married a very wealthy man last year and he buys us and our son such extravagant gifts. I give him homemade cakes and sweets for his birthday because he has a sweet tooth and his wife is a rubbish cook. He raves about his birthday treats all year. Unless the guy is a total dick, he will very much appreciate the thought behind the gift not the price tag hanging off it.

MountPheasant · 16/08/2019 12:01

The wine is perfect. It's not the cost of the item, its the thought and effort. £100 is a lot to spend on wine, I'm sure they will know that and appreciate it. They want to be your friends because they like you, not because they expect expensive presents- they are millionaires, they don't need money spending on them! Trust me, they will value the wine for the thought not the cost.

Areyoufree · 16/08/2019 12:04

Gifts do not have to be of equal value.

Absolutely. Maybe they bought the clubs because they wanted your husband to have them.

Knittedfairies · 16/08/2019 12:05

If you look at it in terms of percentage of income/money, £3000 is a tiny proportion of multi-millions. Give the wine.

Atalune · 16/08/2019 12:08

Thank them. Give them the wine.

They are richer than you and probably love giving nice gifts. Enjoy it.

HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 12:12

It’s absolutely fine.

herculepoirot2 · 16/08/2019 12:12

I would be a bit cautious of people who spent money on me to the tune of 3k when they met me at work. Bit weird, no matter how much money you have. Send the wine. Thank them for the golf clubs. Lock up at night. 😂

JoJoSM2 · 16/08/2019 12:13

Tbh, £100 is a stupidly expensive bottle of wine anyway. We’re well off but often get each other £50 presents unless there’s something specific (and expensive) that we want.

It’s slightly awkward of the friend go buy such an expensive present but I wouldn’t be trying to keep up.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 16/08/2019 12:14

They know they are millionaire and they know you are not, you are not expected to keep up with Jones in this scenario, you have both given a gift which is in keeping with your budgets. going forward try to come to an agreement that future gift giving situations are gift free or make it clear you are collecting for charity etc to remove the guilt and needless inadequacy you are feeling.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 16/08/2019 12:16

Be wary of power play

AlpacaGoodnight · 16/08/2019 12:17

Of course it's fine! You give what you can afford! They obviously enjoy spoiling their friends but will not expect the same in return. Enjoy your evening out and don't give it a second thought

GinNotGym19 · 16/08/2019 12:19

Give the wine and thank them for the clubs.
I don’t think they’d expect your dh to spend £3k on them in return!
It’s the thought that counts
He might not have paid 3k he may have got a discount through connections

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 16/08/2019 12:20

It's not the same, because it's inside the family, but one of my DBs is very wealthy and always spends far more than I can on Christmas presents. I spend £20-25, he spends hundreds.

I just accept it with good grace. We're close and he can spend the money without a second thought. He knows my income is a fraction of his.

Your DH has made a good new friend. Just relax and enjoy it. The wine sounds lovely.

Though I agree with the PP who said that if this triggers golf club membership this could prove expensive to you.

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