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Original poster

Birthday gifts of large unequal value wwyd?

71 replies

panicathediscoagain · 16/08/2019 11:36

DP birthday today. We’re going out this evening with a group of people, one couple my dp has met through his work. This couple are rich, multi-millions rich. Anyway, man of couple happens to share same birthday as DP and is a wine lover so we splashed out (or so we thought) on a bottle of wine which cost us £100.

Received a delivery at home earlier and it has the returns address which is from aforementioned couple. Parcel is huge. I tell DP and he asks me to open it. It’s a set of golf clubs. A quick google search tells me they are worth 3k!

DP panicking as we have a bottle of wine in return. DP is 55 today so hardly a milestone, other man is 60 so definitely a milestone.

What do we do? Please someone help. My DP has really connected with this guy through shared interests and is keen not to fuck this friendship up but What’s protocol here?

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 16/08/2019 12:21

I think the wine is a fine present !.Its almost impossible to know what to buy for wealthy people TBH. They seem invested in their friendship with you, and probably have everything they need and more!

ChrisPrattsFace · 16/08/2019 12:21

You do absolutely nothing different - you give the wine and thank them for their generous gift.

You also give me their phone number so I can make a new friend too..... 😊😂

Birdsfoottrefoil · 16/08/2019 12:23

I think he wants a golf buddy in his semi-retirement. How do you feel about becoming a golf widow?

abigailsnan · 16/08/2019 12:27

As you say your OH and this guy have connected in their friendship one of the joint likes being golf ?
Your OH's friend probably does not even equate the value of the golf clubs as expensive at all so accept the gift as it has beeen given in good faith, your gift of a good wine will be appreciated by this chap and he will certainly enjoy the fact that your OH has sought out a good bottle for him.

CloudPop · 16/08/2019 12:28

Very insensitive of them frankly. They must know that you are not financially equivalent to them and so they should not have bought such a lavish gift.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 16/08/2019 12:28

Wine is definitely fine.
Are you going somewhere expensive to eat? Maybe they are expecting you guys to pick up the tab Shock

Ninkaninus · 16/08/2019 12:29

Don’t be self conscious about it - he will already have absolutely everything he could possibly want so for him it will 100% be the thought that counts. A good bottle of wine is a perfectly good gift.

Your and your DH’s self-consciousness around this gift will rob his friend of the joy of giving, which would be a shame. He has the money and he wanted to give that gift, he’s not going to expect a gift of reciprocal value.

BlancheBeachcomber · 16/08/2019 12:32

There's no 'protocol'.

If your DP has genuinely connected with this guy as a friend then friends don't generally judge each other on the value of gifts given nor do they expect to receive one of similar value. Especially so if you're both aware of different levels of income & affordability.

They're both adults and those birthday gifts seem effusive but perhaps that's just me. Don't stress over it.

prettylonely · 16/08/2019 12:34

i'd stick with the wine, but write a thoughtful card / note to go along with it. i think with someone that rich, a considerate present and some nice words might mean a lot more than you reflecting the same they paid for your dp gift.

MonroeM · 16/08/2019 12:38

I hate the expression gobsmacked but gobsmacked I am! Thank goodness I do not move in the kind of circles which the OP has described and what to give a millionaire? Well this is a tricky one.

If you can afford to say goodbye to a single bottle of wine costing you £100 (and I am well aware that is cheap to some) then I am sure you can work out some solution to this er .... awful predicament you find yourselves in.

My mind is still boggling at this one. Sorry not a constructive answer but I am stumped. Well and truly stumped.

Aldi have great wines under a fiver and the millionaires will never have set foot within a mile of an Aldi so may not know the difference. Yes that was a joke.... too late you already bought the £100 bottle didn't you?

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/08/2019 12:38

I would go with what verticality said. They are not stupid. 3k is more like a good holiday budget.

Original poster
panicathediscoagain · 16/08/2019 12:39

This was such a worthwhile thread. Just met my dp for lunch now and it’s trally reassured us.

I think we will say thank you that’s so unbelieveably generous and are you sure? Because we don’t want to look grabby.

Incidentally my DP comes from a long line of golf lovers and would be keen to play so it probably benefits the other guy too. I’m hoping I won’t be a golf widow as we go sailing as a group and we all like to cycle. Although some peace and quiet wouldn’t be all that bad 😂

Thank you for the feedback, we feel so much better now!

OP posts:
TheGrapefulDread · 16/08/2019 12:39

I would give wine as planned. Pro rata if you are not super flush it balances out. The value is in the friendship not the gift.

Fizzpopwhizzbang · 16/08/2019 12:40

Relax. A £100 bottle of wine is a really lovely present. If he knows his wine he will know it's an especially fancy bottle.

I really doubt he expects you to spend exactly what he did. He probably got him the clubs because he wants your DH to be his new golf buddy. He won't have thought much about the cost.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 16/08/2019 12:40

I'll have the £100 bottle of wine if it's going!

That is a lovely, thoughtful and expensive present. Don't feel bad at all.

lovelookslikethis · 16/08/2019 12:47

They do not expect you to spend 3k on anything.
Continue with the gift you have already bought, and thank them for their very thoughtful and generous gift.

Don't embroil yourselves in an arms race for the best birthday gifts with them, they will always win.

Be gad they seem to share their good fortune with you, and your gifts are not any less lovely or thoughtful because you haven't spent as much!!

Teddybear45 · 16/08/2019 12:48

Rich people often appreciate personal ‘priceless’ gifts more. You could bake him his favourite cake or make cookies / brownies and put them in nice packaging?

Cocobean30 · 16/08/2019 12:49

They are not going to expect a 3k present from you! Bare in mind they are rich enough to buy anything they want so they probably would t even want anything! They will be touched by the wine, £100 is a nice bottle! Do not worry.

lau888 · 16/08/2019 12:50

The protocol is simply to say "thank you very much".

If they are truly very wealthy, they will not have put much (if any) thought into the price tag and will have simply chosen the gift based on what they thought your DH would like. You will hurt their feelings if you attempt to reject the gift - however politely you think you are doing it. Please, do not go on about the cost of the gift. You can say it was very thoughtful, appreciated, touching, sentimental, etc. But it is really bad form to calculate the cost and discuss it. x

ColaFreezePop · 16/08/2019 12:50

Give the wine!

And if you are a good baker make them a cake.

I learnt years ago when I tended to buy people a mixture of gifts for birthday and Christmas presents that they liked the cheaper part of the gift. Like a PP said that's the part they would tell everyone for a year or even more that they got.

The reason why was the cheaper part was something that I had to make an effort to buy/make/put together.

Oddly if someone makes me a home-made cake or any good food I'm soo grateful.

lau888 · 16/08/2019 12:53

Btw, I agree with others - if you want to add something extra to your gift, homemade cake or cookies, etc, would probably be very well received. It shows you've put your time and effort into doing something nice for them. x

amusedbush · 16/08/2019 12:53

I'm glad this thread has made you feel better. Just thank them for the lovely gift and give the bottle of wine as planned.

Gifts are about the thought behind them and I'm sure he'll be chuffed with a lovely bottle of wine as it's something he's interested in.

ajandjjmum · 16/08/2019 12:53

OP - DP can buy you a set of clubs for your birthday (don't have to be 3K), and it can be a new hobby for your both!

Generous and thoughtful - as is your gift to him.

SomeAfternoonDelight · 16/08/2019 12:53

What about a fancy wine subscription?

Yutes · 16/08/2019 12:55

Gift giving is about thought, what you can afford and value of relationship.
You don’t give to get something of equal value.
Sounds lovely. It’s a gift. Enjoy it. Thank them very much and appreciate it

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