Birthday gifts of large unequal value wwyd?

[panicathediscoagain]

DP birthday today. We’re going out this evening with a group of people, one couple my dp has met through his work. This couple are rich, multi-millions rich. Anyway, man of couple happens to share same birthday as DP and is a wine lover so we splashed out (or so we thought) on a bottle of wine which cost us £100.

Received a delivery at home earlier and it has the returns address which is from aforementioned couple. Parcel is huge. I tell DP and he asks me to open it. It’s a set of golf clubs. A quick google search tells me they are worth 3k!

DP panicking as we have a bottle of wine in return. DP is 55 today so hardly a milestone, other man is 60 so definitely a milestone.

What do we do? Please someone help. My DP has really connected with this guy through shared interests and is keen not to fuck this friendship up but What’s protocol here?

If the other guy was in any way offended that you didn't spend 3k on a present back, then he doesnt sound like a great friend anyway

I'd go with something homemade like a cake or something if you want to give something else (or if you have another special skill such as photographer then a free photoshoot)

Wine is fine.

The golf clubs are probably freebie he got somewhere... Don't worry.

I strongly feel you should accept them graciously and in return give your original gift of wine. If they are truly friends then the cost should not be compared!

@SunniDay You don't have to spend loads of money matching the costs of gifts from people much wealthier than you. It's fine to accept graciously and give a nice thoughtful gift you can afford in return.

No need to say ‘are you sure? ‘ or make a big deal like that. He’s sure, otherwise he wouldn’t have given it!

I didn't know men of this age bought each other birthday presents!

Yes, it is a bit strange, Tikda

Handmade truffles/ cake would go down well and be greatly appreciated I’m sure!

The previous commenter is right about them probably not actually costing them £3k.
Based on how rich you say they are, I bet he either already had been given them (and didn't need them) by a client/company or something, or if he is employed by someone (or owns a company) large companies usually have a scheme where you collect points with bonuses or over the years and can use them to buy things like household items/golf clubs/vouchers for experiences.

Either way - say thanks and go ahead with the bottle of wine. In this case, the thought really counts!

The wine sounds a fab gift. If they are the nice, genuine friends you believe they are, then they will love it. It's thoughtful and not just expensive for the sake of it.
I also wouldn't be overly gushing about the golf set, it might make them uncomfortable and upset the balance of the friendship. Be thankful just not in awe.
If for any reason they act crappy about your gift or lord theirs over you then it's not worth the friendship anyway so you've not lost owt. Doesn't sound like it though, just sounds like they wanted to get your DD something they genuinely thought he'd enjoy and obviously the money isn't an issue for them, so enjoy it!

Oh God I would hate this! But there is no point trying to compete, and the wine is still a more than generous gift for a friends 60th, so I would stick with it as a present and probably mutter how sorry /embarrassed I was that it wasn't much and after his amazing gift too, in the hope that he would stop me in my tracks and reassure me of how thankful he was for the wine, how he wasn't expecting anything at all blah blah blah. And then I would sit back and look forward to my own birthday OP

Don’t worry, they will not even consider the price tag. I once saw a documentary where Rod Stewart had been invited to spend Christmas with Elton John. Rod got Elton a wine fridge £400 kind of price tag, nice gift. Elton got rod a Rembrandt 😂

Stick with the wine, maybe get your dc to create a special birthday card to go with it. If they are good people they will be thrilled with the gift, if they expect something of equal value to their gift to your DH, then you will know now and can manage the relationship appropriately going forward (swerve them)

I have friends of varying income brackets. I'm at the upper end. Some of my friends are great at really well thought out gifts and those are always best regardless of how much they cost.

When I had my 2nd child, some of my friends bought expensive clothes and toys and furniture type stuff but the best thing was my friend who isn't working for health reasons gave me 10 tickets for babysitting my older child (it made it easier to call and just cash in a ticket) and a big bowl of fruits that she kept topped up for weeks. Great BF snacks that you can eat 1 handed.

For all you know he is regifting the golf clubs, or won them in a posh raffoe or competition at the golf club. Say Thankyou and happy birthday and continue to enjoy the friendship.

Stick with the wine. They won't expect a gift of similar value in return I highly expect - or one would hope.

Sounds like they are just generous to people they like.

Is this a thing now? Men buying each other birthday gifts?

Anyway, the wine sounds lovely and I'm sure he got the clubs at a reduced prixe.

Plenty of friends buy gifts for each other. I imagine even more so when you have huge amounts of money - if I was rich I’d get great enjoyment out of treating my friends and family,. I’m sure the wives reciprocate as well, if that’s the norm within this social circle/friendship group.

(Also it’s clear that the gifts are between the couples, not just the men. I wrote he/him earlier, not sure why. Maybe because I OPs husband met them first.)

It depends on the person. If the man in question is a self-made man, he won't be expecting a present of equivalent value, just something appropriate of good quality (the wine you've chosen therefore sounds appropriate). He's likely to receive lots of presents of varying values as I'm guessing that your husband's colleagues are likely to have incomes that are closer to yours than the couple in question. Certainly my husband's best friend, who is a very wealthy self-made man, was happy to spend ~£500 helping my husband celebrate his 40th birthday but didn't expect my husband to spend the same on him when his 40th came round a couple of years later. Decent friends value you for your good character, your friendliness, your shared interests and for being interested and supportive of them as individuals, and importantly, for not being 'spongers'.

@ verticality Total agree with this, but only as a way to reassure you.

I love a good bottle of wine, and would assume £100 would be one of the higher range.
Two points I would make, 1 if you work it out in a percentage of disposable income I am sure you are both about level 2) Sometimes the cost can be immaterial, taking the time and effort to find a good gift can be worth more.