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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it be rude/weird to give this necklace back??

76 replies

beckieperk · 16/08/2019 10:59

Bit of a back story. I'm ex forces....as is a man called Burt*. Burt used to play for a rugby team I followed and supported whilst serving in Scotland. Not that it really matters, but back then Burt and I were single and good friends. Literally just friends, nothing romantic ever happened, neither of us interested in that way. Anyway, when I left my posting in 2007 ish Burt gave me a necklace with a rugby ball charm. It was a goodbye/good luck type gift. I used to wear it. But I've just been sorting through my jewellery and I found it. Unloved and gathering dust with the rest of my pandora/cosmetic monstrosities!!!

Should I send the necklace back to Burt? He still loves rugby and I think he may still wear it. Would he be offended? Would his now wife be suspicious etc?? We are both now married and are no longer in touch except via facebook, but rarely.

It is real gold and I think it's a shame that it's not being used. It is no longer really my style.

Would it be unreasonable to ask for his address to send it back??

*Burt not real name. 😊👍

OP posts:
verticality · 16/08/2019 11:36

I get that - you are seeing it as an item with utility that is not being appreciated, so you thought it would be nice to put it back into circulation! But, as a gift, it also carries emotional (platonic) resonances, and those can't be "sent back" without things being quite strange.

I don't think you should feel obliged to hang onto it. If it houses fond memories of a friendship/time in your life for you, then keep it. If not, then you can let it go and sell it or donate it. It's totally up to you. Smile

Frownette · 16/08/2019 11:40

I was going to say just bin it til I read that it's gold.

He may have even forgotten he gave it to you and it would be rude, glad you've decided not to return it

QualCheckBot · 16/08/2019 11:43

Yes, you could totally send Burt's gift back to him, to remind him that you are no longer in touch and no longer friends. How unkind that would be. A rejection of his gift after 12 year.

Ninkaninus · 16/08/2019 11:45

Sell it on eBay, or bring it to an independent jeweller and sell it for the gold value.

Devonishome1 · 16/08/2019 11:46

I’d feel very offended and think that I’d upset you if you sent it back. That’s my take on it but we’re all different.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 16/08/2019 11:46

Thanks. I knew I could count on you all for your honesty! I'll out it back in my jewellery box and stop being weird now. Promise. Grin

You made me lol with this Grin we all have our moments! Wink

AnneKipanki · 16/08/2019 11:56

Burt is not his real name ? Really ?

I would keep it , come across it from time to time and let it bring back memories of past times.

It would definitely , as others have said , not be nice to send it back .
I know you are not going to do this from your updates anyway.

bluegirlgreen · 16/08/2019 11:57

@beckieperk

Weirdest thread of the week. Confused

Why on earth would you send it back???

bluegirlgreen · 16/08/2019 11:58

Defo sell it yes. May get a few 100 £££!

TregunaMekoides · 16/08/2019 11:58

Could you have it melted and made into something you would wear? It seems a shame to waste it but agree with PP that sending it back is definitely not the solution

MRex · 16/08/2019 12:04

Contacting him to send it back is both weird and offensive. I have jewellery from an old friend; he drew pictures in the locket, when I found it after some time once I sent him a photo and we exchanged some comments laughing about the drawings. Then it went back into the cupboard, because necklaces take up next to zero space. If I wanted to get rid of it then I'd sell it. I really don't understand what you were thinking when you decided you'd go to the effort of contacting him just to offend him by returning a gift. What did you hope it would achieve?

TootingLate · 16/08/2019 12:13

Did you have a funny moment just there OP? Totally bonkers.

TowerRingInferno · 16/08/2019 12:38

Yes it would be rude and weird

Original poster
beckieperk · 16/08/2019 12:42

Alright, I've said I'm keeping it, take it easy.Shock I was being practical and not thinking of it from an emotional perspective. I didn't realise how offensive it would be.....but on the other hand he's a bloke, he'd probably not be that offended would he, he'd either wear it or sell for a few quid for himself. Might post on dadsnet see what they think.....(joke by the way!!) Hmm

bluegirlgreen is there a prize??? I like winning stuff. Grin

OP posts:
Nofunkingworriesmate · 16/08/2019 12:44

I love mumsnet as it’s taught me so much about all sorts but mostly the wide variety of responses to life as I often see things from my own perspective it’s really helpful. Case in point
Dear op if you are truly not trying to reconnect inappropriately with an old friend then this is a truly weird thing to even contemplate ( that I can relate to as it’s the sort of bad idea I would have )
Why not send a photo of it and tell him you have just found it and it made you smile and remember old times send regards to him and his wife and mention that you and oh are off in holiday etc so there can be no misunderstanding the motivation

Original poster
beckieperk · 16/08/2019 12:52

Nice idea...but I'm not really sure that's me/us. We never had an emotional 'sharey' kind of friendship, it was more drunken banter on rugby tours type thing. Until have gave me the chain I would never have said he'd do anything like that. Was my very favourite posting though with lots of great memories.
Anyway, I've decided to forget the idea. Thanks again.

OP posts:
ColaFreezePop · 16/08/2019 12:57

If you don't want the item then re-gift it to someone you know who will appreciate it. If you do simply say that the necklace has very good memories for you and you hope it will do for them as well.

Just don't be weird and send the necklace back to the gift giver.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 16/08/2019 13:00

I think she gets it by now...

HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 13:02

How very, very odd

Original poster
beckieperk · 16/08/2019 13:02

I love how weird everyone thinks it is.

OP posts:
HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 13:03

That’s because it is?

JacquesHammer · 16/08/2019 13:05

Some people must have a really low bar for weird if this triggers “omg soooooo weird” type comments Grin

Fatasfooook · 16/08/2019 13:06

Very very weird.

easyandy101 · 16/08/2019 13:07

Weirdest thread of the week

You missed the driving the unconscious thread then

Bluntness100 · 16/08/2019 13:09

It's clearly weird. No one gives a gift back twelve years later. Unless there is some back story. And even then. It's as odd as fuck.

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