Would I be a bitch for not speaking to him when he comes round today?

[Alwaysatthegymyouare]

Ex and I are currently separated, but we’re thinking about getting back together because we still really love each other. So this morning I asked him to call me when he wakes up because I wanted to speak to him about our relationship (haven’t seen him since Monday as he always claims to be so busy ) he said he will call me after he’s finished at the gym, which will be sometime in the afternoon. Problem is, I’m 99.9% sure he’s not going to call me after gym, and will just expect us to talk when he comes round to pick the dcs up today.

Just like yesterday, when I asked him to bring dcs clothes so I could wash them, he said he would do it after gym. Never did. He’s the type of person that needs to be constant reminded to do things as he often ‘forgets’.

So if he doesn’t call me today after gym like he said, and comes round to pick the kids up today, AIBU to not speak to him about our relationship because he couldn’t call me after gym or would that make me a bitch?

Good point- imagine the agony when you see your kids in relationships with idiots that only think of themselves...

Sort this shit out now. You’re never going to be important to him.

he always very affectionate when he comes round, tells me he loves/misses me,

Of course he does. You look after the kids, he gets sex and then swans off for days on end living the single life. He's not interested in getting back together. In this life, if you really really want to do something, you make the time for it.

This relationship feels very, very "struggly".

Would I be right in thinking that you set yourself very high standards and are prone to over-thinking?

I just want to be with someone that makes me a priority and does what he says he will

Others have said this better than me, but you are simply not going to get what you want from this bloke.

As said earlier, He's got his cake and eating it. He has zero incentive to change, and clearly doesn't want to.

The sex is good, but I feel awful afterwards because he just goes back to his and there's that. And the cycle repeats, no contact for a week
So you're just an easy fuck for him.

when I bring divorce up, he always goes on about how much he loves me, we end up sleeping together and it makes me feel guilty to continue with the divorce
He knows exactly what words to say to reel you back in. He's a liar and you need to start focussing on his actions rather than words.

for some reason he goes 5-6 days without seeing us even though he lives 10 mins from me
Out of sight - out of mind.....until he wants sex or needs to show his face to 'prove' how committed a dad he is

I love him and I spent 10 years with this man so it’s hard to let go
Ahhh...the sunken costs fallacy.
Meanwhile, you keep investing more of your energy into something that has no promise of a beneficial return.

He’s the type of person that needs to be constant reminded to do things as he often ‘forgets’
I presume this is part of why you split?
His actions haven't changed and they won't if you don't find you self respect and set some serious boundaries.

Look, even the threat of divorce doesn't make him change his behaviour, which tells me he either doesn't take you seriously - so has zero respect for you.
Or he's just coasting along enjoying the attention and free sex....letting you be the 'bad guy' who ends things when/if you finally have enough.

He's blatantly playing you - and he's not arsed about being a good dad to his kids either if he can 'forget' about them when it suits him.

You deserve so much better. Your relationship aside, he lives 10 mins away and can go days without seeing his kids? Does he even come to spend time with the kids? It sounds like he comes over for a booty call.

Put yourself and your dc first. You all deserve better

I go for accepting people for who they are. For whatever reason, your ex does this thing. You need to decide if this thing is so important that you're willing to die on that hill, so to speak.

For me, if I knew I could get a better conversation out of him in conditions that are more suited to his preferences, I'd wait until then.

Start saying 'no' to sex and see what happens. My bet is that any endearments and 'miss yous' will stop and you'll see him even less.

Sounds like he is quite happy with this arrangement and would prefer to keep you as a part time girlfriend rather than a full time wife.

Lucky him.
He can have his cake and eat it.
And YOU are allowing it.
WHY???
Please find your self-respect and kick him to the curb properly.
He's using you.
And you are letting him.

So he is behaving like a free single man most of the time, free time, mates round for a drink no rules or responsibilities or childcare etc and then when he feels like playing dad or fancies a shag or the feeling of a relationship he trots on round to yours fills his needs then once he has had his fill he fucks off back to single free manland again. Leaving you with all the shit feelings and all the responsibilities of raising the children and none of the freedom or the opportunity of finding a nice man/woman to share your life with because you are still attached to him

You are worth more than this!

You need a clean break. Tell him if he needs to talk to you he can phone or email you. Your not having any face to face conversations. You are your own worst enemy right now. Do not be alone with him. Do not let him in the house.

I agree, don’t let him in the house. Do not engage. Serve him divorce papers.

What a selfish twat he is.

Why are so many men like this? It’s so depressing.