Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Would I be a bitch for not speaking to him when he comes round today?

88 replies

Alwaysatthegymyouare · 16/08/2019 10:57

Ex and I are currently separated, but we’re thinking about getting back together because we still really love each other. So this morning I asked him to call me when he wakes up because I wanted to speak to him about our relationship (haven’t seen him since Monday as he always claims to be so busy ) he said he will call me after he’s finished at the gym, which will be sometime in the afternoon. Problem is, I’m 99.9% sure he’s not going to call me after gym, and will just expect us to talk when he comes round to pick the dcs up today.

Just like yesterday, when I asked him to bring dcs clothes so I could wash them, he said he would do it after gym. Never did. He’s the type of person that needs to be constant reminded to do things as he often ‘forgets’.

So if he doesn’t call me today after gym like he said, and comes round to pick the kids up today, AIBU to not speak to him about our relationship because he couldn’t call me after gym or would that make me a bitch?

OP posts:

WalkofShame · 16/08/2019 12:23

Stop messing about playing his game.

He’s clearly annoying you, you don’t want to put up with his behaviour so why are you entertaining this? It is petty stuff and you’re joining in by ignoring him / sleeping with him etc.

I think you said that you have kids? What is this doing to them?

Either shit or get off the pot.

Original poster

Alwaysatthegymyouare · 16/08/2019 12:24

I know you're all right, I feel like an idiot. The sex is good, but I feel awful afterwards because he just goes back to his and there's that. And the cycle repeats, no contact for a week. I think I'm just going to distance myself from him to start with.

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 16/08/2019 12:24

FFS, bin and move on. This prick is happy to give you just enough crumbs to keep you scurrying around trying to 'work on the relationship' while he is getting everything he wants and needs from you: all the childcare and a shag when his dick starts twitching.

You've already wasted ten years of your life trotting after him, trying to 'make' him love you or at least treat you with basic consideration. He's not going to change.

Freddiefox · 16/08/2019 12:28

You need to take control of the situation. It’s all his way.
Move on.. create boundaries..

ISmellBabies · 16/08/2019 12:29

He's "so sweet and affectionate" for an hour or so to get himself a shag, then he fucks off to please himself for a week and sod you! Nice. Ltb.

flashdancer19 · 16/08/2019 12:30

Stop the cycle now! It's naturally destroying your self confidence. Take control of your life and you will feel so much better!

slt2b · 16/08/2019 12:33

You're already pissed off with him before you've even tried and someone who wants to make an effort will.

Hockneypool · 16/08/2019 12:36

Also think about how you describe yourself. Bitch is a an awful gendered insult. Don’t use it for yourself or other women.

Instead work out what you want, and need, and what makes you happy. Your bloke is clearly doing that and is he a bitch? No and nor are you?

HollowTalk · 16/08/2019 12:39

He's all talk and the occasional shag.

You can do much better.

StormTreader · 16/08/2019 12:41

If it was important to him, he'd remember.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 16/08/2019 12:45

OP - you are annoyed about the clothes and the calling, because they are evidence that he's not taken on board what's actually wrong with your relationship from your point of view, and isn't taking steps to change.

He's not changing. I'm sure he does care about you, but he doesn't care enough to make the effort to be the partner you want him to be, and frankly, he doesn't mind all that much going long periods without you, he just wants to keep you available.

Stop making empty threats. This is the level of relationship you can have from him, he won't improve because he doesn't have to, a couple of orgasms and you're happy to carry on as you are.

If this is not ok, then you need to stop having little chats shags , and start the divorce. If it is ok, stop whinging and accept this is what you've chosen.

Your options are put up or move on. There's no "improve him" option. Sorry.

MamaGee09 · 16/08/2019 12:46

I feel if he was really that keen on getting your relationship back on track he would make time, he would be begging for you to talk to him to talk through your differences, from what you’ve said, he isn’t that bothered.

AllSweetnessAndLight · 16/08/2019 12:46

YABU and selfish. You are going to screw up your kids by carrying on like this. He is having the best of both worlds. What makes you think he will commit to getting back together when he has the perfect set up for him. If this is as good as you can do together in 10 years, you need to move on.

ChicCroissant · 16/08/2019 12:48

I hope this is a troll - if not, you are just free sex with no strings OP. If you want more than that, move on.

PickAChew · 16/08/2019 12:49

You're a conve ient shag for him but he wants to keep you at arms length.

If he loved you, he wouldn't treat you like shit.

HaileySherman · 16/08/2019 12:51

If you really want to get back together then let it go. The bigger question I see from your post though is, why would you want to get back together if there are still clearly communication issues? The way you communicate is flawed somehow, I guess if it's leaving you angry enough to be thinking about your next move to teach him a lesson or whatever. Fwiw, I'm on your side here. I don't think you're being petty. I think if HE wants ti salvage this relationship as much as you (and that would be incredibly important to me that he did) then HE should be on best behavior, trying to make you happy, etc. As should you (I'm not suggesting a one wsy street). The whole situation, while somewhat small and seemingly inconsequential, is problematic. I'm assuming it's not the only reason you're separated, just one of them. I say since you're all ready separated, hold out and keep working on things until they are right, or call it a day. So to answer your question, I don't necessarily think you should refuse to talk about your relationship, but add this to the list of things to talk about.

Stampyourfeet · 16/08/2019 12:52

Look at what he does, not what he says.

GabsAlot · 16/08/2019 12:58

Id say hes keeping you dangling-wants the single life but with on tap sex-dont be used like that

ChicCroissant · 16/08/2019 13:00

Also, you will look utterly ridiculous if you won't speak to him yet are willing to have sex with him!

bobsyourauntie · 16/08/2019 13:07

OP, sad to say it, but he is definitely using you if you are sleeping with him and not getting any contact in between. First of all, stop sleeping with him. Have the relationship talk and make it clear that if he wants to fix things, then he needs to start spending more time with you. Take your time rebuilding the relationship, but stop sleeping with him. His actions after you do that, will tell you all you need to know.

Aprillygirl · 16/08/2019 13:10

He doesn't sound like he's that into you tbh. Cut him loose before all this childish pissing about damages your kids.

Nousernameforme · 16/08/2019 13:14

Go for a clean break. Do Not Shag Him today and just give yourself time to grieve the relationship properly.

BenWillbondsPants · 16/08/2019 13:19

I don't know people can be bothered with this kind of shit. Setting little 'traps' to see if someone passes or not. Don't get back with him, he clearly pisses you off and you both sound like you play silly games.

I find the notion of an adult 'not talking' to another adult so odd. Say what you need to say and move on.

Travis1 · 16/08/2019 13:21

Why are you letting him use you like this? Is this really the relationship example you want to be setting your children

MzHz · 16/08/2019 13:22

I just want to be with someone that makes me a priority and does what he says he will

And you will be.

The sooner you kick this current ex to the kerb for good and go and find someone who gives a shit about you.

Seriously, you’ve wasted 10 years on this fool, to spend another single day on him will make YOU look stupid.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread