To not lend a friend money when I can afford it?

[FiveFarthings]

I have a friend who, in the last couple of months, has asked me to lend her £50 a day or two before payday as she’s struggling with bills. She always pays it straight back on payday so no issue there.

I can afford to lend her the money if she needs it but the fact that she keeps asking is starting to annoy me.

I never minded the first one or two occasions but now it appears to be a habit. We work together in a professional role and earn a decent wage so we aren’t on minimum wage or anything like that.

She recently got divorced and I know that she inherited some of her former husband’s debts (she agreed to loans for him but he’s now fecked off somewhere in Europe so she’s been left to pick up the debt).

I have been happy to help out but it annoys me because she gets her nails done once a month, goes out for meals/drinks on a fairly regular basis, recently adopted a second dog (when I know that her previous boyfriend used to pay for all dog food for her first dog as she couldn’t afford to feed it), gets blow drys for nights out, has just booked a holiday to Edinburgh this winter and a trip to New York in the New Year.

I feel like she should be managing her money better and cutting back on luxuries but she’s a grown woman so it’s not really for me to say. I’ve asked her before if she’s okay for money and if she needs to speak to anyone about debt etc, she just says that she sometimes helps out family and they don’t pay her back so it leaves her short (don’t know how true that is).

AIBU to say no to lending her more money even though I can afford it and she always pays it back, just because it annoys me?

Also if I’m justified in saying no, how do I say no to her, when she knows that I do have the money to lend her? (For clarity we recently became mortgage free so she knows we have more disposable income)

Why is she servicing someone else's debts?

The answer should still be no.

Say you've set up a standing order to a savings account so you don't have it left.

I agree with the “no” crowd.
If you can’t do that you could always say you’ll lend her £25 but you can’t do £50 this time. That would perhaps make it easier for her to pay back rather than 50.

I bet you are not the only one bailing her out at the end of every month. £50 is not that much, she probably has at least 5 regulars she is asking, she can do a lot more with £250.

She possibly has some other options if she is working such as

Decrease out goings
Family
Sell her stuff
Work overtime
Work second job
Over draft
Credit card
Loan

You should be at the bottom of the list

If she asks for a "loan" again say sorry, can't, I've booked a fantastic spa treatment & that's me skint now this month. Every time she asks do something similar - always some really expensive totally unnecessary personal luxury. Don't actually book them of course.
She should get the message that spending on luxuries leaves nothing for essentials, which is how she's living her life. She can hardly ask you to cut back on this stuff to finance her when she could just as easily do it herself.
Could you also develop an unhealthy interest in following an imaginary Bay City Rollers tribute band on its tours around the country, staying in Hiltons to catch their shows?

I don’t think YABU but agree with others that you don’t need a fabricated reason. Reasons invite discussion / argument and it could hurt your friend’s feelings if you appear to be making things up. You’ve set a precedent and need to end it very clearly and definitely. ‘I’m sorry, as of this / next month I’m not going to be able to lend you money’. If pushed, perhaps you could tell her you don’t feel that it’s appropriate as a regular thing.

YANBU. This would annoy me too, especially if she's going out and getting her hair and nails done etc. I agree with others, you shouldn't have to give an excuse, just say you can't. I think she'd be rude to question you why.

Agree with other posters that you are basically operating an overdraft facility or payday loan for her without the fee or interest. When she first borrowed the £50 she had overreached herself that month but instead of reigning in her spending nexy month she continued to overspend so needed the £50 the next month and so it continues. So she has now got used to increasing her spending by £50 each month as she has your "overdraft facility" firmly in place. What happens if she overspends by £100 one month and that becomes the new norm and so ad infinitum. You need to stop this and she either needs to rein in her spending or get an overdraft from her bank though she may already have one and they refuse to increase it especially if they have already done so

A couple of blowdrys and one manicure less should bring her back on track. Though I wonder if she is touching up other people for loans each month. If so then she really has big problems.

Why is she servicing someone else's debts?

Because by the sounds of it she took them out in her own name for him.

YANBU.

Next time she asks, I'd just ask why she has had those manicure/night outs if she's not sorted her money out enough to need to borrow again. Then say that you'll lend her it this time but next month perhaps she'd better think about what she can cut out/postpone so she doesn't have to keep asking you for a loan. That you haven't minded as an emergency but it's a bit too regular now to be comfortable.

Just say no you can't. Or do what a previous poster suggested and ask to borrow money from her.

As the saying goes - Help someone out when they’re in trouble and they will remember you when they’re next in trouble

I like Wibbletooth's suggestion of commenting on how well she's doing now. Or perhaps get in first to ask for a loan.

If you feel uncomfortable saying no just say sorry I have had a personal emergency come up so cant do this any longer. As you say ,if she can afford to have nails done/meals out/drinks atc. she should manage her money better. Ps ,and its not something I want to discuss either.

If you feel uncomfortable saying no just say sorry I have had a personal emergency come up so can`t do this any longer

Why oh why do people think the op needs to give an excuse. Just a simple and polite refusal, no excuse, change the subject is all that is needed. Not an excuse like 'a personal emergency' that will prompt further questions.

Exactly. Just because the friend has spent all her own money, it doesn't mean that she needs to then spend all the OPs for her too.

If she realised that having money doesn't mean that it all needs to be spent now then she wouldn't keep getting into a mess.