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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be upset by my friend's response to the man I am dating?

102 replies

lilyflowerbloom · 15/08/2019 20:49

I have been dating this man a couple of months now, and I am absolutely smitten. He's like no man I've ever been with before - he's really kind, and easy to talk to. He's also super respectful. He knows that a lot of my exes have not been so nice (for example one of my exes shared photographs of me to his friends when we had an argument Sad ). I have had men hit me, sexually assault me, control and bully me. I have a tendency to rush into things, and have irrational fears that someone will cheat on me (which, looking at my history isn't that irrational!), and constantly feel uncomfortable in relationships because of that.

Anyway, the bottom line is that he has been really respectful and kind with taking things slowly. We've planned for a weekend away in a couple of weeks. When organizing it, he asked me whether I felt comfortable sharing a hotel room with him, or whether I wanted to stay in a room on my own. He said I didn't need to decide right now anyway and that he didn't want to pressure me. We continue talking on the phone as we would usually do for the next hour or so. I had such a warm feeling after he said that though, I finally felt like someone actually cared about me and not trying to get me into bed Blush I told him I appreciated what he said so much when I met him for a coffee today and he said "I just really like you, I don't know how else to act" and "I don't want to ruin this". Again, I felt so positive! He's told me he's not dating anyone else and he's told his friends about me/I'm meeting one of them on Sunday.

I was speaking to my friend about it tonight. She is my best friend, have been close since we were about 15 (so 15 years!). She has witnessed my piss-poor relationships and always encouraged me to strive for better! I told her about the hotel room comment and she basically said "that's so weird, you haven't had sex after 6 weeks? are you sure you're not just friends?" I was a bit stunned so didn't really say anything apart from something pathetic like we kiss/cuddle etc. and she laughed a bit. She also told me to "check for the red flags" - but to me, there isn't any. The only red flag I can see is that we possibly talk too much - by that, I mean if he rings me for a chat it can go on for an hour and a half. And we meet up every Saturday for the day and the evening. Is that too much time?

She then was speaking about a man she was seeing who hasn't contacted her in 12 days because he is at a music festival. She was really stressing about it, thinking of all these reasons as to why he hasn't text her. I just said, whatever reason there is, I think you deserve more. She said, "what like what you have?" and laughed.

Now, I am doubting myself. - is that a weird thing he said to me about the hotel room? I genuinely think it is a nice request, I've known men in the past to want sex on the first date! Is it weird not to have sex after 6 weeks of dating??

AIBU or mostly, am I being naive?

OP posts:
Rainonmyguitar · 24/08/2019 21:42

It's odd. Because I don't think it is. Not for people in their thirties who haven't really gone past a kiss and a hug in six weeks

Maybe it would be odd if OP was seeing him twice/three times a week but they only meet once a week so she's only met him 6 times. I don't really think it's that odd.

billy1966 · 24/08/2019 22:20

Really delighted to read your update OP.

There are so many good men out there, it sounds like you may have met one.
Enjoy!

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