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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be unimpressed this happened at nursery

88 replies

GilbertMarkham · 15/08/2019 19:27

My toddler came home from nursery with red marks from what looks like a hard, twisting grip on her arm above the elbow.

Aibu to be concerned about supervision of us this par for the course/happens too fast to be prevented?

Would attach images but can't.

OP posts:

Iwrotethissongfor · 15/08/2019 21:51

I wouldn’t conduct these discussions by email, call or ask in person the next day after you notice unless its something of major concern. It’s not a bad mark at all, they’re out playing and with other kids. Mines goes to nursery 3 days with ration 1:3 I watch my daughter 1:1 two days a week and 2:1 evenings and weekends (my husband and I) she still ends up with marks and bumps that I have no idea how she got. Look at it in the round - what is your general feeling about the nursery, have you By other complaints etc.

PotteringAlong · 15/08/2019 21:52

That’s nothing, I wouldn’t have even raised an eyebrow at that. She’s fallen against something.

YeOldeTrout · 15/08/2019 21:53

it looks like a toddler bite to me.

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 15/08/2019 21:55

I don’t think that’s a grab mark either. It’s an odd angle. Is there a corresponding bruise on the inside of the arm.

Not that I noticed.

That's a good point; if it were eg a grab by an adult there would probably be a mark on the inside too.

If a child did it(and it was a grab/twist/pinch) I suppose their might not be due to hand size.

This is getting a bit csi and I don't have the skills/experience ..

OP posts:

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 15/08/2019 21:57

But yes it is at an odd angle so maybe an impact.

it looks like a toddler bite to me.

Hmm good point, never thought of that; through clothes it might not have broken skin or teeth marks.

OP posts:

SofiaAmes · 15/08/2019 22:01

It looks like it got caught in something. Is it out of character for your dd? My dd was always covered in unexplained bruises. In fact she is now 16 and still covered in unexplained bruises. There are probably a dozen coin sized ones on her shins that she doesn't remember getting at all and she has a huge one behind her knee at the moment (about 3" in diameter) and absolutely no idea how she got it.

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 15/08/2019 22:01

*had teeth marks

OP posts:

perplexedagain · 15/08/2019 22:04

OP I'm struck my the fact that lots of posters have given an opinion on this and generally don't think it is suspicious. And you have also received a response from the nursery which seems reasonable.

It seems to me that you don't trust the nursery and maybe that you are uncomfortable with DD being in nursery. FWIW my DS often came home with bruises / scrapes / marks from playing in the garden, falling into bushes / tyres, etc and on one memorable occasion we ended up at A&E on a friday night as it turned out DS had stuck large leaves up his nose while at nursery. Staff hadn't noticed and neither did we for some time.

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 15/08/2019 22:06

She gets the odd mark/bruise bit I've never seen anything like that before.

I was trying to imagine what sort of thing she could've fallen on to get weird shaped red marks like that and I now think yeoldetrout has it, it's very likely a bite through clothes.

It would be nice if they'd watch her a bit more closely at the start in the toddler room but maybe that's unrealistic/unreasonable.

Thanks for all the feedback anyway everyone.

OP posts:

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 15/08/2019 22:10

And you have also received a response from the nursery which seems reasonable.

I didn't think it was .. it just didn't seem like an impact to me (with the caveat I'm not qualified in any way in this field) .. I think the bite (or the trapped in something) theory are far more convincing and I'm glad I made the thread for that reason.

Anyway you're right, I'm a bit uncomfortable about nursery at all but also my trust is not fantastic in this particular one (the only one she's been to). There's another thread about that, I'll link it if I can find it).

OP posts:

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 15/08/2019 22:12

on one memorable occasion we ended up at A&E on a friday night as it turned out DS had stuck large leaves up his nose while at nursery. Staff hadn't noticed and neither did we for some time.

Oh my.
😖

OP posts:

SuperFurryDoggy · 15/08/2019 22:14

Ok, this is just my opinion based on some very outdated safeguarding training and no medical knowledge, but...

The bruising looks like tram line bruising which is generally incurred by hitting (or being hit by) something straight and thickish. Like a rod, upright post of play equipment, door pillar of cosy coupe etc. From memory, finger print and pinching marks are more likely to be rounded in appearance.

So would potentially fit with what nursery said.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/08/2019 22:15

How old is your toddler? Ratio is what, 3 kids to 1 adult? Its physically impossible to have eyes on all those kids at once. A hard twisting grab could take perhaps 7 or 8 seconds. Easily missed between two toddlers especially if they are focussed on fighting over a toy. Toddlers often make more of a fuss when they see an adult gauging their reaction, if one wasn't 100% looking they probably just carried on with kicking off.

Unless it's happening regularly, resulting in serious injuries, or your toddler is clearly upset over it (eg starting to show reluctance/fear to go there) I'd chill.

lucylouis · 15/08/2019 22:17

I came home with a mark like this once, the nursery teacher had done it to me. Little bitch. I'd ask them about it

ApplesOrangesPears · 15/08/2019 22:18

You seem determined to think the worst of your nursery. Why is that?

There’s a difference between looking out for your DD and being paranoid.

justasking111 · 15/08/2019 22:19

I would love to know how do you stop a toddler biting?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/08/2019 22:20

Also I just looked at the pic. Blimey if I questioned it every time mine came home with marks like that I'd never be talking about anything else! It doesn't look bad and definitely doesn't look like a grab to me, definitely like falling against something.

MindyStClaire · 15/08/2019 22:22

My DD is 16 months and in nursery full-time. I think that mark would just make me roll my eyes and think "toddlers". But I do have complete faith in her nursery, and she's very happy and settled there. I guess it's different if that's not the case.

She's currently sporting grazes on her nose and forehead after she tripped during the only twenty minutes I had her by myself all weekend... I think if I complained about a bruise her nursery would quite rightly think that was a bit hypocritical of me.

Justaboy · 15/08/2019 22:33

I dunno, they can be strong/vicious wee punters, can't they

Yes rather! GD1 and GS1 are stitting watching something intently on the TV. GD1 makes a grab for the remote and GS1 objects. GD1 got it off him then wacked him around the head.

Shes only 8 months that happened in around 3 seconds!

GS1 bust into tears! GD1 was smirking all over her pretty face!

Drogosnextwife · 15/08/2019 22:35

No, I really doubt that's a bite mark, I've seen a good few in my time.

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 15/08/2019 22:35

You seem determined to think the worst of your nursery. Why is that?

If I was determined to think the worst of the nursery I'd have thought, as some posters have raised, that one if their workers had squeezed/clawed my darling child's arm. I didn't think that.

I initially thought another child had pinched/grabbed her arm while scuffling - which is common but I'd hope they might supervise her more closely in her first hours in the toddler room with older, bigger kids.

Their 'impact injury" theory didn't convince me - impact leaving red parallel marks (??) I thought it was odd, hence the thread.

That's not "determined to think the worst of the nursery" .. that's "does this seem likely, sounds like rubbish to me".

Some posters have agreed (re impact) which has been useful.and the main reason for the thread.

OP posts:

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 15/08/2019 22:38

Maybe it's just me personally but impacts don't leave me with red marks (beyond the first few minutes), they leave me with bruises.

OP posts:

Drogosnextwife · 15/08/2019 22:40

If she fell in a toy, there could very well be parallel marks, or perhaps she was hit with a toy. That would take a split second, easy to miss and if your child can't articulate that's what's happened, it would be hard to know because the child doing the hitting is unlikely to admit it, or might not be able to.

Original poster

GilbertMarkham · 15/08/2019 22:40

No, I really doubt that's a bite mark, I've seen a good few in my time.

I thought it was convincing but there is a weird little round mark above the two parallel red marks that didn't fit.

OP posts:

TheChippendenSpook · 15/08/2019 22:40

It also looks like a bite mark to me. Some of them do look like that and that's after many years working as a nursery nurse. I'm out of it now thank goodness though.

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