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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Weaning at 12 weeks

69 replies

Russell19 · 15/08/2019 16:20

My mum and dad are in their 60s and they keep mentioning things about weaning my EBF baby (12 weeks)

Things such as 'oh look he is so thirsty give him some water!' 'You were on solids at his age' 'give him a chocolate button' 'he wouldn't be crying if he was on solids' etc etc.

I have told them the guidelines and even sent my mum websites to read about it. It carries on. I end up coming home from their house feeling awful.

I know IANBU to not wean but AIBU to be getting upset about it? (To their faces o have remained polite but said I'm not doing it until 6 months)

Help!

OP posts:

bobstersmum · 15/08/2019 16:30

Yab a bit u to get upset about it, you know what's best for your baby, just ignore them!

Celebelly · 15/08/2019 16:33

If they keep going on about it, tell them you will stop coming round as it's not enjoyable. This would do my nut in. I could tolerate the odd comment with a nod and smile but if it was incessant and ridiculous (chocolate button?!) then I'd have to say something.

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 15/08/2019 16:34

It is one of the first of many parenting things that everyone and his dog will have an opinion on..smile, nod and carry on as you were

NeverHadANickname · 15/08/2019 16:36

I think I would have to have a firm word with them. You understand how things were previously but things have changed, this is your baby and you are making an informed decision so you would appreciate this not to be mentioned again.

Original poster

Russell19 · 15/08/2019 16:42

The thing is, they are lovely parents and grandparents I don't want to upset them but I think I will say something.

I just know they think I'm being a 'know it all' new parent when they have been through it all before.

OP posts:

lemonjam · 15/08/2019 16:46

Yeah I would tell them to shut up I think!
My mum weaned all of us at 3/4 months but says she kind of wishes she’d waited, but it was the advice then. It isn’t now!

Embracelife · 15/08/2019 16:50

Just say " the advice has changed. Thanks for your suggestion." Smile and wave

PixieLumos · 15/08/2019 16:56

I don’t think YABU to feel upset if they keep going on about - it must be really draining and frustrating. As a pp said I would make it clear that you’re done with the subject and you don’t want it to be mentioned again.

drsausage · 15/08/2019 16:58

The thing is, they are lovely parents and grandparents I don't want to upset them but I think I will say something.

Why is it OK for them to upset you, but not for you to upset them?

At this point they need to know to butt out. If they can't hear this when you say it politely, then you need to say it as assertively as necessary to make them understand. This is not your fault.

littlewriggler · 15/08/2019 16:58

Even if advice hadn't changed to wean at 6 months, how is giving a 12 week old a chocolate button remotely sensible?! Just ignore them.

purplereindeer · 15/08/2019 16:59

It is annoying, but they are just trying to help.

Do Baby Led Weaning as revenge?!

whattodowith · 15/08/2019 16:59

Ha, my only advice is you will have to learn to deal with peoples shit attempts at advice. It never really ends...

My Mum told me she put a crushed up rusk in my bedtime bottle from 6 weeks, she claims that was the advice for ‘hungry babies’ . I was horrified!

Pipanchew2 · 15/08/2019 17:04

My parents were like this with DD1. I calmly pointed out she was chubby and putting on weight well so why would I? I also have the advantage of being a paediatric speech therapist and was able to tell them the (true) story of a child i treated who had brain damage following a choking incident at 3 months. It is six months a very good reason!!

Trumpleton · 15/08/2019 17:07

Ha! This generation are obsessed with giving babies solids!! My MIL was always on about it and now claims it as a reason for my son's allergies! I think politely tell them you don't want to talk about it thanks...but they probably won't be able to stop. At 6 months they'll leap at the chance to get the chocolate buttons out! Poor you - try tk ignore it! X

Original poster

Russell19 · 15/08/2019 17:22

Thank you for all of your lovely comments. I was feeling frustrated this afternoon but at least now I know others have experienced it and I'm not just being arsey!

@whattodowith the risk thing is something they have said to me too! Haha! I just laughed at that.

@purplereindeer I was telling my mum about BLW....she said it's ridiculous

OP posts:

Whatsername7 · 15/08/2019 18:07

My parents and ils were the same. Just say 'im not starting with weaning until 6 months' or whenever you plan to wean. Dd8 was weaned at 4.5 months on gp advice due to medical issues. Dd2 was weaned at 5.5 months when she grabbed some toast from my plate and started chomping! You will know when your baby is ready.

NeverGotMyPuppy · 15/08/2019 18:12

Yep my usually lovely MIL was the same.
Her advice- 'give him a bottle, make the holes bigger and mix mashed potato in with the milk'.

For the love of God...

flumpybear · 15/08/2019 18:17

They're just trying to support you by the information they had in their day

Not say thank you but medical advice has changed and it's 6 months now with just milk - no buttons required 🙄

ethelfleda · 15/08/2019 18:20

This is so common among the older generation. They cannot seem to fathom that guidelines have changed since they had babies, it used to annoy the fuck out of me but now I just smile and nod.
Ignore ignore ignore.

53rdWay · 15/08/2019 18:21

My family were like this and would NOT drop it. "Oh you're starving her! Poor thing! How can you eat in front of her, it's so cruel." Every time she yelled: "Look, she's so hungry!" Every time I said we'd had a rough night: "Well her poor tummy's empty, that'll be why, she needs real food!" Gah.

ListenLinda · 15/08/2019 18:25

My Grandma is exactly the same 🙄 ‘at end of this month i’d be giving him a teaspoon of sloppy porridge’. I just smile and nod and ignore.

Shootingstar1115 · 15/08/2019 18:27

It’s because it was the norm when they had their babies. My mother and grandmother was the same. I think they mean well but they never accepted things had changed.

I was a young mum when I had my son and pretty naive. I let them pressurise me into doing things their way. My mum told me to put my son onto solids at 12 weeks. Although it didn’t do him any harm (something your parents would proably say 🤣) I do regret. DS is the fussiest water ever and I believe it could be because I weaned him early. With DD I waited until about 5-6 months and she would and will still eat absolutely everything!

My grandmother told me she put baby rice in my uncles bottle at a week old. Fortunately she never reccomended that.

Mil was a bit like it with sleeping positions when DD was born. As all new parents will know back sleeping is now the recommended (has been for years) but when mil had hers it was maybe side or front? (Can’t remember). She kept moving DD when she was asleep and waking her up! I had to put my foot down at that!

Rise above it. Do it your way!

ethelfleda · 15/08/2019 18:40

The other common phrase is ‘oh, it’s fashionable to wean at 6 months these days’

No. It’s not fashionable. It’s current advice.

Unfortunately, OP... so so many people think that just because they managed to keep a few kids alive until adulthood that they are obviously an expert on everything parent related. It really winds me up.

Malyshek · 15/08/2019 18:47

I think how you parent your child is your business and yours alone.

Not to say your parents can't/shouldn't offer advice, but they should also be sensitive enough to hear when it's neither needed nor welcome.

You don't need to be angry or antagonistic about it, just be firm and kind.

"I appreciate the advice but I've decided to not wean just yet." and change the conversation.

Malyshek · 15/08/2019 18:50

I should add, it's true that "current advice" can be taken with a grain of salt, as it changes so often, but this isn't about whether current advice is right or wrong. It's about your right as a parent to make decisions for your children, and your parents need to have the basic courtesy of keeping their opinion on the matter to themselves.

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