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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weaning at 12 weeks

69 replies

Russell19 · 15/08/2019 16:20

My mum and dad are in their 60s and they keep mentioning things about weaning my EBF baby (12 weeks)

Things such as 'oh look he is so thirsty give him some water!' 'You were on solids at his age' 'give him a chocolate button' 'he wouldn't be crying if he was on solids' etc etc.

I have told them the guidelines and even sent my mum websites to read about it. It carries on. I end up coming home from their house feeling awful.

I know IANBU to not wean but AIBU to be getting upset about it? (To their faces o have remained polite but said I'm not doing it until 6 months)

Help!

OP posts:
Jesse70 · 15/08/2019 19:10

It's very frustrating getting unwanted advice even tho they mean well be prepared for alot more if u are EBF!!!!! People always have something to say !
Seems like the grandparents of today have forgotten and seem to think their babies were perfect and slept through the night from day one lol sure they did

ArthurMorgan · 15/08/2019 19:16

My nan was giving me mashed up boiled egg at 6 weeks old (her generation was wean as soon as the baby would take it) Thankfully she never attempted to suggest I do the same...

Original poster
Russell19 · 15/08/2019 19:31

@53rdWay that all sounds very familiar! Exactly what I'm hearing Haha!

OP posts:
SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 15/08/2019 19:34

I agree that a lot of these suggestions come from people who are my age (ancient) and who followed the advice given to them when they were young mums. I know it's irritating - and it's really hard not to do it Smile
If you can possibly manage it, smile and nod, ignore, parent your baby as you want - and remember just how annoying it is so that you're not tempted to do the same thing in 30 years when you become DGMs and see your DGC being weaned at 2 weeks, force-fed peanuts at 3 months, not potty trained until they leave school - or whatever the fashionable advice is by then...Grin

Queenofthestress · 15/08/2019 19:34

I would, if it didn't stop after I'd asked, be a bit mean and send them links to articles about weaning to young and the main risks, which is mainly aspriating food aka inhaling it into the lungs.

NoSauce · 15/08/2019 19:35

“ advice has changed mum, I’m sticking to it and won’t be feeding for X amount of months “ big smile and change the subject.

She’ll probably still think she knows best, you just need to handle her differently Smile

HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 15/08/2019 19:38

You have to put up with all sorts of interfering shit advice when you become a parent, you're best to develop some sort of immunity to it. I remember an old aunt telling me how she beat some raw egg into rice pudding or something "just to get egg into him" as if that was a necessity. People have all kinds of silly ideas and can't help sharing their "wisdom".

x2boys · 15/08/2019 19:38

Just carry on doing what you are doing your parents are trying ok be help full with their out dated advice just smile and ignore .

Original poster
Russell19 · 15/08/2019 19:38

Thanks again everyone, what everyone is saying rings true. I'll just do what seems right for my baby and I'm sure I'll know when he is ready, definitely not yet.

It seems to be a generation thing, some of the older generation seem unable to understand advice has changed and research has been updated. It's almost a case of 'well it did you no harm' so the new guidelines are just scaremongering and wrong.

OP posts:
x2boys · 15/08/2019 19:44

My oldest is only 12 and when he was a baby the advice was that it was fine to make bottles up.to 24 hours in advance and. Keep in the fridge and use as necessary I'm aware that the guide lines have changed though and would never try at advise a new parent

Nettie1964 · 15/08/2019 19:46

They might know it all. From the advice given years ago. Its always been the same. 30 years ago I decided to breast feed!!! My DM and MIL were horrified!in their opinion I was starving my son selfish because he couldn't be fed by anyone else (them) it went on and on. I am a peacekeeper but found the energy To do what I wanted. Your baby your rules. I think every mum should learn how to mother without criticism. Just say no. Ps came out of a shop once to find another mother had given my 6 month old totally bf son a milky button......... only left the pram for 2 mins.

Singinginshower · 15/08/2019 19:49

How old are your parents OP?

Original poster
Russell19 · 15/08/2019 19:52

@1Littleweed they are 65.

OP posts:
Myothernameistakenbysomeone · 15/08/2019 20:53

When I had my first (18 years ago) I was told to wean at 12 weeks..... starting on baby rice and moving on to lumpy foods etc. When I had my last (4years ago) I was told to wean at 6 months and go straight to finger foods.
The thought of it made me feel sick.

  1. I have a real fear of choking and could only envisage my 6 month old choking on her first piece of toast after coming from only milk
  2. I struggled to get my head round what I was told all them years ago....
In the end, I waited till about 16weeks and started off on the baby rice/puddings and did what I was comfortable with. It's all about what you and baby are happy with. Guidelines change. No doubt they will continue to change. Go at your own pace, do what your comfortable with. Your parents are only saying what they know (the old guidelines).... just take it on the chin. And good luck! Weaning can be a testing time Smile
SAHM2019 · 15/08/2019 21:03

Just try to ignore the unwanted advice and don't let it upset you. It's really common for parents to forget that when their adult children become parents, it isn't them making all the decisions anymore... You can just say to them on the food thing that times have changed since you were 12 weeks old and that's not the guidelines anymore. But don't let it bother you. My mum did the same to me when I had my first. And I've heard this a few times. Don't think it's intended to upset you, it's just that they believe they know best because they've been there and done it... but its your turn now, to make your own choices with your own baby. They have had their day to decide the hows and whens ect.

MidnightMystery · 15/08/2019 21:48

Look it's my child and my rules!

You are not alone OP I've had the same things said to me and one day I just snapped and told them to stop telling me how to bring up my own child so like I said above "my child my rules" if you don't like it .... tough! X

Summerunderway · 15/08/2019 21:51

Saw this just yesterday -

Weaning at 12 weeks
pleasedontbreakthechain · 15/08/2019 21:52

The research data shows this is an absolute no before 17 weeks as the gut is too immature (some babies are weaned earlier under doctors’ advice though). So you could say that. No doubt they will be suggesting it will help sleep too which is just not true in my experience. Apart from that, your baby your choice!

WhyBirdStop · 15/08/2019 21:58

An elderly relative of mine was a bit like that, saying it was all nonsense, you have them watered down cows milk at 3 months in her day etc. After about the tenth time I just said, oh apparently there is some thinking that says that could be why there is a generation of people who have higher than expected rates of gastro issues, she didn't say it again, both her adult sons have ongoing gastrointestinal disorders.

Predicter · 15/08/2019 22:10

My parents are like this and DS is now 2 and they still haven’t stopped it’s so annoying. I’ve gone through stages of telling them straight, ignoring them, arguing, but they still know ‘best’. It’s so fustrating! Don’t know what to tell you OP other than don’t let them wear you down and cave in

Fizzpopwhizzbang · 15/08/2019 22:14

This is just what a lot of older people are like. Advice has changed dramatically since they had babies, and they want to pass on their "wisdom". It comes from a place of love, and I think also a touch of bossiness/I'm older and and raised X number of babies so I know better than you.

Not much you can do other than continue to smile, nod and ignore.

Flyingkites123 · 15/08/2019 22:20

My mum told me to give my first baby a bottle at 4 months and a bit of food to help him sleep though, which I did. A year on, I'm now exb my 4.5 mo and there's no difference at all in sleep quality or health or weight. Just do what's right for you.

WellVersedInEtiquette · 15/08/2019 22:27

Yanbu on any count. They are wrong. They are pushing their previous choices on you. I was pushed into wearing early with my first and it made my hugely resentful. Weaned the other two at 6 months and it's so much easier apart from the health aspects. Just tell them you've done your research and you are happy with your choices .

PleaseGoogleIt · 15/08/2019 22:28

My mum has been harping on about giving DD a rusk in her nighttime bottle since she was about 6 weeks old. Told her that it wasn't safe, it wasn't happened and she's lucky none of us choked.

As someone else said, wait until 6 months and then get revenge with full on BLW Grin.

LilyR2019 · 15/08/2019 22:41

Oh my goodness, I don't have a child but if I did I would be furious & sugar at such an early age is extremely concerning.....just no!. Quite apart from feeling undermined by their assumptions.

Appreciate you're being very pleasant in dealing with them, don't rock the boat etc but I strongly advise you to be firm on boundaries, you wouldn't have posted here if this hadn't irked you so much. So, to avoid blowing your stack when enough is enough for you by pleasant rebuttals.

This is your child & therefore your call?.

Best of luck with it, I'm sure they mean well, just a bit misguided?