To not think it's fair for one person to have their own room while the other doesn't?

[MrsGideon]

My DH and I are in the process of buying our first home. We're very fortunate in that we've been able to buy a three bedroom house, however the second and third bedrooms are quite small. We've earmarked the second bedroom as a spare room and will put a double bed in there, but DH has decided that the third bedroom will be his study.

I have no problem making that bedroom a study, but I want to put a single pull-out chair bed in there so it can double as another bedroom if we have multiple people staying. I've fully measured the room, and the chair bed I've got my eye on fits with plenty of room to spare when it's fully extended, alongside a desk, desk chair and the door etc.

DH has now thrown his toys out of the cot saying that he likes the idea of having his own space for "tinkering and working". He will already have the garage for DIY and the shed for gardening. I won't have anywhere.

AIBU in thinking this is selfish and to say to him "well we'll scrap the idea of having spare bedrooms at all and I'll take bedroom 2 for my sewing room"???

(Just as a disclaimer, he's great in every other way: does more housework than me; does all annoying life admin; happy to share the TV so I can watch Jane the Virgin; brings me breakfast in bed etc etc etc)

Unless he works from home knock the idea right on the head. He has his own space in the garage, that can be a workshop too!

He either has the garage or the study. He has to make a choice.

I agree with you. Ask him why he needs a whole room plus the shed and garage? Why exactly does he need so much more room than you?

And also instead of a fold out chair bed have a look at this, we have it and it’s great! www.studybed.co.uk/

Tell him you will take the 2nd bedroom as your dressing room and you want to buy another shed as your summer house (which is not for sharing). Tell him you also want half of the garage as your sewing room.

Tell him you'll be converting the loft for your own 'space'

Why not put a sofa bed bedroom two and have that as your sewing room? He is being ridiculous about the chair bed though. So when you have a couple and one extra guest staying: "Sorry extra guest, there is a room where you could have a nice private space but you are in the sitting room because DH is a selfish numpty."

All seems very petty

Do 2 people who share a bed need 3 beds in 3 bedrooms? How often will you have so many guests requiring 3 bedrooms?

Do you actually ever have multiple visitors to stay or is it just something you foresee happening in your new home? Unless you plan on having regular visitors, a spare room for visitors is simply a waste of space imo. Give yourselves a hobby room/study each and just put a sofa bed in the bigger of the 2 rooms.

Assuming you don't have guests every week YANBU

Why carnt the spare/guest bedroom double as a sewing room? That way you both have a room. .

Make it a workroom for both of you.

My ex husband always insisted on having a bloody mancave despite it meaning my children had to share a titchy room. Note the 'ex'. Now my children have their own rooms. And I have a lovely girlie bedroom of my own with a ridiculously ostentatious superkingsize bed YANBU.

I would annex the second bedroom as my sewing/reading room, but would make sure that I did not allow other stuff to encroach, like ironing..... All too easy if you have an ironing board in there for sewing purposes.

Argh, have to do a drip feed because I just realised I didn't include it in my OP!

He will WFH one day a week

He either has the garage or the study. He has to make a choice.

Agree with this. And whichever he doesn’t want is your room for whatever you choose.

Him wfh is irrelevant.

I wouldn't want to have guests often enough that I planned rooms and furniture for them.

I think it would be perfectly reasonable for you to each have one of the other bedrooms as your study/whatever. If the room owner wants to waste use some of their space to cater for visitors, that's their call.

(How small are these rooms? DW and I were in a three-bedroom for ten years, and the smallest room was big enough to be a study for two. One desk and one bookcase each.)

The second bedroom is too small for a double bed and a table/storage for sewing. A sofa bed is a good shout though!

We will likely have lots of people coming to stay because we're moving out of London and all our friends will still be there. Lots of them are single, so it's feasible that there could be 3 people staying at one time.

Plus, we love hosting guests! I know that's taboo on MN...

You take the bigger spare room for your sewing room, he has the little one. Sofa bed somewhere. He just needs somewhere to put his computer. You'll need space for fabric sewing machines and all the other bits and bobs. The house is surely big enough to work for the both of you as long as your husband isn't selfish about it.

Ask him if the kitchen is meant to be "your" room.

@HollowTalk See I would do that, but he does most of the cooking

Thanks everyone - all good suggestions. I'll have a chat with him tonight about having 'my' space as well

When we first moved to our 4 bed I was TTC. We had two spare rooms set up and left one empty to eventually be the nursery. When we had guests those rooms were used and super useful but since having no.2, we lost one room and made the other a flexible space with storage and a sofa bed. It works fine and while it is maybe less comfy we’re getting better use out of our space. Most people struggle with storage space and a spare bed takes up a ton of space if set up all the time.

WFH doesn’t justify his own room, my dh wfh occasionally and sits at the dining table, doesn’t need a whole room!

If he gets a whole room, so do you, but then who has to sacrifice theirs if/when you have any dc?.

I think it's always a good idea to have spare rooms set up as if they could host people if necessary. A desk can be fitted in alongside this or your DH could put a desk in the shed if you're happy with that
YANBU