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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

should i post a photo of this man online?

80 replies

rabbitwoman · 15/08/2019 11:56

Oh my goodness, why are people so rude and horrible in supermarkets?

I was trying to get out of the way of a really big guy in the supermarket but was not quite quick enough so he actually RAMMED my trolley out of the way!!! I had to run after it but as i did so said over my shoulder 'actually, i was trying to get out of the way for you but never mind!' and as i walked off he actually rammed his trolley into ME!!!!

i took a deep breath. What shall i do? I walked on, continued my shopping. You know what? there were a lot of friendly people in there all smiling at each other and being polite - i had a toy dinosaur in my trolley for my nephew and a lady said, 'oh, i like your friend!' and i decided to get over it and walked round the corner still smiling and this horrible man and his wife walked assed me and i actually heard her say to him '..... don't you hate the way she was smiling at us!' WTAF - like i can't be cheerful now?!!!!

i had to double back though and, well, my trolley may have poked out into the else a bit and guess what!!!???? He smashed into it again!!! I turned round and said very loudly 'oh gosh, i am sorry, was my trolley in the way?!! All you had to do was say excuse me!!!'

he leant right over me (he was over a foot taller than i am) and mouthed 'fuck off, fuck off, fuck off' - sheesh!!!! Luckily, two other people were there and looked as incredulous as i as he walked off.

What to do? I was shaking, but took a deep breath. I picked u a bottle of prossecco. But then, there they were agin. So i took out y phone and took a picture - i made sure he saw me do it!

shall i post it on Facebook? Although, i think what i will do is post a picture of my lovely toy dinosaur and say thank you to the nice lady who cheered me up instead.......

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 15/08/2019 12:30

If someone did that to me I would be seriously hurt. I have osteoporosis and my bones break like match sticks.

Palaver1 · 15/08/2019 12:30

Someone tried this with me Luckily my daughter was with me she was not having it ..I had to calm her down in the end.

KatherineJaneway · 15/08/2019 12:32

I've met people like this, best not to engage with them and that means any form of social media posting either.

Sorry you experienced this Flowers

RedWoollyHat · 15/08/2019 12:33

"I guess sometimes people can have a shitty day and forget their manners."

Yes they can, but this wasn't just that and I'm sorry this happened to you. There was another thread on here a few days back about a woman who got in a lift and was verbally assaulted basically by these (similar sounding) horrendous folk.

MRex · 15/08/2019 12:33

I'd have spoken to security and the store manager, I guess you still can. You might at least get him barred from the shop.

verticality · 15/08/2019 12:34

Good God, what is wrong with some people! No, don't put it on social media. Report it to the shop and to the police if others are right that it is assault.

verticality · 15/08/2019 12:34

Sorry, the "What is wrong with some people" was directed at the man, not at you OP. I just realised that was ambiguous in my post!

sheshootssheimplores · 15/08/2019 12:36

People like this are pretty terrifying aren’t they. I would assume they were involved in drugs or crime in some way and were used to being very intimidating in everyday life.

Personally I’m really bad at escalating stuff as I just react to this shit. So I think you did the right thing by not rising to it and I also like your thought to take a photo of him. I never think of doing stuff like that!!

Teddybear45 · 15/08/2019 12:38

Report it to the supermarket. They would quietly report it to the police or ban him. He sounds like he’s on drugs to be honest.

Bowerbird5 · 15/08/2019 12:41

Agree take it to the store manager and report it to the police. Him ramming the trolley was bad enough but ramming you with his trolley is assault. The next person may be frailer than you and get really hurt. He sounds horrible.

I ‘m glad you met other lovely people. I had a chat with a lovely lady on Tuesday who offered me her trolley but then I pointed out to her she would lose her pound so we sorted the trolley out and ended up having a lovely chat. Can we see the dinosaur?

KUGA · 15/08/2019 12:41

Yes doing nothing is best.
There are more good people than bad.
It`s just that you attracted a fat man with a fatter mouth and a bully to boot.
You are bound to see him again,if he says something inform him McDonalds will go out of business whilst your in here Mr aggressive.
I actually said that to a large female who previously did something similar to me.
And in Sainsburys of all places hahaha.

Riv · 15/08/2019 12:42

Yes report to security and the store manager. This was assault, it occurred more than once as well. He is dangerous and will do it to others.
At least one of the incidents should be on their cctv. The store have a duty of care to you and their staff. They won’t want the reputation of being supportive of bullying in their store. It isn’t good for business apart from anything else.
They may even ban him and his wife to protect their other customers.

chocolatemademefat · 15/08/2019 12:45

I know it’s easy to be wise after the event but you should have reported him to a staff member. Supermarkets where I live have security guards and he could have been dealt with. That advice is no use to you now though.

I hope you’re okay now - some people feel the need to be obnoxious - I wonder if he would’ve treated a man the same way. 💐

amusedbush · 15/08/2019 12:45

I would go to the police - he assaulted and intimidated you. He sounds fucking unhinged.

keepingbees · 15/08/2019 12:51

You perhaps should've spoken to the shop security. It might be worth still speaking to them and giving them his picture. It should all be in cctv.
The police will do nothing most likely. I witnessed a violent assault on a shop assistant once. There was an appeal for witnesses in the local newspaper afterwards, I rang the number and they weren't interested and never called me back.

Original poster
rabbitwoman · 15/08/2019 12:56

He was an older fellow, maybe in his sixties, but big, well over six foot. Not on drugs, just someone who would object to a younger woman talking back to him, calling out his poor behaviour, and probably someone who has always used his size to intimidate people. I am little and fat and look much younger than I am, but have a lot of physical confidence (black belt, teacher, in my 40s). I suppose he just expected me to scuttle off......

Well, it's done now. I feel better. Thank you ladies if Mumsnet.

OP posts:
SmartPlay · 15/08/2019 12:58

I agree with most people here that you should go to the police and report him for assault and threatening you. Even if they don't do anything now, there might be other people who will report the same man and multiple occasions will more likely lead to action.

I agree people can have a shit day, which would be an excuse for the first ramming of your trolley, but certainly not for the rest. He actively singled you out and assaulted you over and over again.

However, I don't think posting photos of strangers on the internet is okay. In many countries that's even a crime, and rightly so! It's a breech of personal rights.

Saucy99 · 15/08/2019 12:59

I agree it does seem a correct use of law enforcement resources to investigate your trolley getting bumped.

Jellybeansincognito · 15/08/2019 13:00

He rammed his trolly in to you?

ethelfleda · 15/08/2019 13:03

I would report him. They may not do anything - BUT if he is known to them then they might. And if he is the sort of person who would do that to someone else then I would bet they do know him...
I’m sorry you had to experience that OP. It couldn’t have been nice Flowers

Justaboy · 15/08/2019 13:08

Keep a Smith and Wesson in your handbag, that will teach him a lesson he'll never forget;)

CoraPirbright · 15/08/2019 13:15

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”

Police. And the supermarket. Do your bit to protect others from this scum.

NewspaperTaxis · 15/08/2019 13:15

If he's as nuts as he sounds I wouldn't escalate it by putting his pic on social media, but I was interested in the zaphod comment about his being able to sue even if you were in the right, can anyone else comment on this?

Police are useless, as we can see from today's Times cover story and follow-up inside.

Reporting it to supermarket manager seems way to go.

Original poster
rabbitwoman · 15/08/2019 13:17

He did, in deed, deliberately ram his trolley into my hip as I walked away from him the first time. I guess, because I had had the temerity to berate him over my shoulder as I went after my trolley......

No, I don't believe he would have done it to a man, or maybe even an older woman. It's impossible to really know, but I have come across older men who expect reverence simply because they are older many times, and he struck me as one of them.

This gets my hackles up!! But now they are down again. Other people were kind, cheerful and polite. So I am thinking more rationally!!!

I would never really post his picture on social media. I think that would be really unwise and I don't think it goes well when people do. However, I am baffled at people saying it might be illegal, a breach of privacy etc....... It's a public place. People are photographed in public all the time and it often ends up published ......

OP posts:
over50andfab · 15/08/2019 13:19

What a bully!

Facebook no (you did the right thing posting the dinosaur instead OP), supermarket manager yes in the first instance. If he's a regular other shoppers might have experienced (and reported) similar behaviour from him.

At least other shoppers were nice - I like the one who said she liked your friend Smile. Sometimes we can be having a really shit time of it and all it takes it a nice comment or smile from a stranger to help us feel better. Other people are nasty twats though Angry

Enjoy the prosecco Smile