To feel sad about DS’s A levels

[Plainandsimple]

My DS is 18. He should be collecting his A level results today, but he had to drop out of his course earlier this year due to mental health issues. He’s on the road to recovery and has got a place to restart them in September, which is great, but I just feel so sad today. Basically his life just stopped and all his plans and dreams withered away. I’m cheerfully checking in with friends whose DCs are picking up their results, sending congrats over uni places etc, whilst my boy sleeps on in bed - he doesn’t realise it’s results day and I’m not going to point it out. Sorry this is really long, but I’m just so sad for him!

I had to take a year out in university due to mental health issues and it made no impact on my achievements or on my later life. It's just one of those things. I'm happily in a well-paid job that I love and have no regrets about taking time out. I actually think it may do good to have time out now. I had no idea what I wanted to do at 17/18 and some extra time would have probably benefited me massively (I also suffered mental health issues at this age).

OP, just wanted to reiterate this is not the end of his life. It's just him taking a different path.

My Dsis had mental health problems in her teens. She never took her GCSEs because she missed too much school because of it. She went to college, did GCSEs and A-Levels. Went off to uni and struggled being so far away from home. So ended up quitting. She changed her mind about what career she wanted, did a college course, then went back to uni, got a first and is now working doing her dream job.

Not every one follows the same path. Tell your DS there's nothing wrong with a bit of wallowing. But also show him and encourage him that there's plenty of other options or ways to reach the same destination.

At my dds high school they have been very vocal on #nowrongpath.

Your exam grades don’t shape you, they don’t change your life and they only focus on a small part of you. It doesn’t say how good a friend you have been or how much you have helped out someone who is struggling, they also don’t say how kind you are or that you gave your dinner money to help a charity. THese are all important qualities.

They don’t define you.

My daugter’s English teacher admitted it took her to 6th year to pass her maths and she never took it as a higher, another teacher dropped out at school in 4th year , did a few minimum wage jobs and Is now head of the department, my cousin left school at 16 to become an apprentice plumber and he’s now Scotland’s area manager for a bug plumbing company. Even for me it’s taken me to my early 40’s to realise what I want to do and I’m off to college this month to retrain!

You are a week ahead of me but I'm feeling just the same Dd also ASD, had a breakdown at the start of year ten and has been out of school since. Next week she should have been collecting her GCSE results (predicted top grades) and confirming her place in sixth form with her friends. Instead she has barely left the house in two years and I'm sad and she is devastated. Expecting a bad few days next week as she is already shaky knowing that they are coming. Hope your ds manages to get back to his studies in September OP.

I bombed my a levels as leaving school and going to college didnt work for me (and I dont have asd). I luckily got access course and then went to uni

Of course you are not unreasonable to be sad.

You would be unreasonable to tell him how you feel but you have not indicated you are about to do that.

I hugely sympathise.

DD1 was out of school from the February of her GCSE year. And all the next academic year. She had severe anorexia. Hospitalised. Tube fed. Really really sick.

I felt crushed at times by the weight of what she had to endure. But 2 years on she is back in education (one year behind) and thriving.

Obviously there are no quick fixes. But it sounds as though your DS is doing well. And he has you for support. Hold fast to the hope that there are better times ahead for him and for you.

But of course today will be hard.