Russian Dolls

[donotgoogledragonbutter]

I've been thinking lately about how many different people I am to those around me ..sounds a bit strange but all these things stack inside you like a Russian Doll. Here's my list -

A mother
A girlfriend
A daughter
A sister
A Granddaughter
An employee
The breadwinner
House Elf
Cook
Gardener
Chauffeur
Aunt
Friend
Ex-wife

Whats on your list?

The only thing I seem to think is missing is a person. I feel like I am a series of bloody functions. Might as well be Rosie the Robot.

Wife
Mother
Sister
Aunt
Godmother
Friend
Employee

I feel like I've sort of lost myself along the way. I never get time to myself anymore, I work ten hour days and am constantly broke. I look back on myself years ago and wonder where I lost the person I once was. The woman who loved art galleries and concerts, music festivals and seeing her friends. I don't do any if this stuff anymore. Wheres the time for something I'd like to do? Is it selfish to want to be me for a while. I love my DS and he'll always come first but I feel like I'm living in some sodding endurance test all the time. Everyone wants something all the time until the only bit of the day I'm left with is late into the night and the early hours when everyone's in bed. I know I'm moaning but when did life become about everyone else and not five minutes to yourself?

I’ve only realised as I read this that I’ve lost me ! I’m a mother, a chauffeur, cook , cleaner , football mum 😭. Also my parents chauffeur and shopping supplier ( my dsis boot is too small 🤔)
Never have a minute for myself ..

I was recently researching identity salience for my MA. It's very interesting in relation to this issue.

I feel like I've sort of lost myself along the way

Interesting that you say this, as it really stood out to me that "me" wasn't listed when I read your list... I think it's common for women to lose themselves like this (I know I have).

I can't stand Russian dolls.....they're so full of themselves.

Boom tish!

I am no longer a daughter, something that hit me yesterday. It's a weird feeling.

Widow
Mother
Sister
Daughter
Granddaughter
Sister in law
Aunt
Employee
Colleague
Union rep
Manager

I'm not a friend, though. And that is difficult.

if one of the people who made you your role dies, do you lose that identity? So , if both your parents died, does that make you no longer a daughter?

Sorry CassianAndor, just saw your post.

no probs, raven.

It's only been a month but it just occurred to me yesterday when I was talking to someone - I'm not a daughter any more. You obviously think when someone dies, 'I no longer have a granny, or a mum or dad, or whoever', the fpocus is always on who you've 'lost', but it didn't occur to me immediately what I no longer was.

I honestly don't know what to think about it.

How old are your children?
Mine are 10 and 13 now and I'm just starting to feel like I'm getting a little bit of myself back. My list is:

Mother
Wife
Daughter
Sister
Auntie
Great auntie
Teacher
Cook
Cleaner
Finder of lost things!
Reader
Music lover
Artist

Mother, daughter, sister, niece, auntie, girlfriend, carer, enemy and friend.

I can relate to this, Im feeling very lost in myself.

I cant seem to connect to anyone anymore. Slowly over time my friendships have become more long distance, if that makes sense.

I dont have an opinion or clear ideas about anything anymore. I cant make decisions about anything.

I dont know who I am or what I want anymore. I look back on myself in my 20s and think where did all that confidence and enthusiasm for life go?

Mother
Wife
Sister
Daughter
Aunt
Teacher
God (to my dogs )
Neighbour
Friend
Colleague
Cook
Cleaner

Mother
Daughter
Widow
Sister
Friend
Partner
Aunt
Sister in law
Guardian
Advocate
Housekeeper
Chauffeur
I still feel “me” too though. I’m not unhappy about my list really.

Wife
Daughter
Sister
Granddaughter
Niece
Auntie
Sister in law
Daughter in law
Friend
Employee
Mentor
Breadwinner
Meal provider
Volunteer

Mother
Wife
Sister
Daughter
Grandaughter
Friend
Illustrator
Cook
Cleaner
Ironing executive
Gardener
Organiser of school related stuff
Chauffeur
Under achiever
Provider of groceries
Dreamer

Me
Mother
Wife
Lover (the same man!)
Sister
Friend
Academic
Artist
Reader
Writer
Rider
Surfer
Traveller (geographically not ethnically)
Nature-lover
Ageing rock fan

I still feel like 'me'. But since I'm not a daughter anymore, life hasn't been quite the same.

@Lifecraft -

We used to call that, wearing different hats. When you put on that hat, you went into the role.

So, yes, you are no longer a daughter. I also fall into that category. My DDs are Adults, but I'm still, daily very much a Mum to two of them.

I'm recovering from a disability and during disability counselling, a lot of the work is done on rediscovering a sense of self, because when you become disabled or old, you lose most of those hats and it's important that there's something else, left.

As i have cats, I'd add, slave to of despots. I'm also a keeper of rabbits.

Mother
Daughter
Sister
Friend
Partner
Employee
Boss
Good neighbour
Gardener
Cleaner
Cook
DIYer
Accountant
Personal shopper
Wheeler dealer
Art lover
Avid reader
Tourist
Swimmer
Dieter

Forgot
Cushion
Cat feeder
Slave to Reuben

Wife
Sister
Friend
Daughter
Stepdaughter
Auntie
Godmother
Sister-in-law
Daughter-in-law
Employee
Colleague
Volunteer
Prospective adopter
Customer