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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - sisters hen party

98 replies

happygoluckymeXD · 14/08/2019 16:39

Wonderful sister is getting married! 👰 I am maid of honour and therefore responsible for organizing the hen party! I want to surprise her with a fun hen party in Ibiza with lots of surprises. I want her to never feel she missed out on a proper hen party and has an amazing memory of a weekend all about her.

My sister is lovely, however, she can be a control freak, is very hard to please, and doesn't always know what is best for her. What I mean by this is she is not very open to trying new things (such as nights out) but will have such an amazing time when I spring them upon her.

She has given me a rule which is "nothing wild"

AIBU to break this rule?

OP posts:
hughwhatascorcher · 14/08/2019 17:13

Sounds utterly vile. Don't.

ChicCroissant · 14/08/2019 17:15

Either this is a reverse or a pile of poo Hmm No-one would do that really.

NotStayingIn · 14/08/2019 17:18

Oh god this has disaster written all over it. Looking forward to future posts about the hen party from hell though. Wink

Atalune · 14/08/2019 17:18

Is she into clubbing, and dancing staying up all night and the music?

If she’s into those things then maybe it would be a positive surprise but if she isn’t I think it’s a big mistake.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 14/08/2019 17:22

Aside from anything else, there is always at least one person who struggles to pay for this kind of weekend, has to make bigger sacrifices than everyone else and ends up real stressing about affording it and the cost of attending the wedding.
Do something classy, organise a lovely meal out or, if you really must, a nice city break somewhere.

Witchinaditch · 14/08/2019 17:27

Why don’t you give her some control and let her pick the destination and then you do the rest?

PassMeAnotherCoffee · 14/08/2019 17:28

I'm translating 'doesn't always know what is best for her' and 'not very open to trying new things' as meaning she has a different opinion of what is fun to you OP. That doesn't make her wrong. Just different. Not everyone, in fact an awful lot of people, find the stereotypical idea of a 'fun hen weekend' a hideous thought. Most of them find plenty of things fun. But not drinking cheap and nasty cocktails until half the party pukes, wearing matching sashes, L plates and blow up anatomy lessons.

notangelinajolie · 14/08/2019 17:33

Sounds like the trip to Ibiza is for you not your sister.

Can you not do something you know she will like rather than something you want her to like? Go to Ibiza on your own hen night!

PurpleDaisies · 14/08/2019 17:35

she doesn't always know what is best for her.

How patronising. I hope you’re not my sister.

username678889 · 14/08/2019 17:36

very hard to please, and doesn't always know what is best for her.
Then a Ibiza weekend is a no no .
If she's hard to please she will hate it and it's not her thing it's yours . Do something she will enjoy.
Like others have said it's not your hen weekend so do not plan something you want .

MoreFrog · 14/08/2019 17:38

YABU. My daughter organised her own hen to avoid this sort of disaster.

Lowlandlucky · 14/08/2019 17:41

It is NOT your hen do, it is all about your sister

timshelthechoice · 14/08/2019 17:42

It pisses me off when people assume you’re happy to spend such insane amounts of money on a hen do.

This. Then they also expect you to pay for the hen, all included, and give gifts, buy drinks, ffs. My daughter's declined these ridiculous wastes of time and money, too. She's having a meal and drinks in a pub for hers.

She told you nothing wild, that would be totally shit to ignore her request to suit yourself.

lotusbell · 14/08/2019 17:43

Yes, yabu. It's all about her, not you. My own hen party was ruined back in 2004 as some people just couldn't accept that I just wanted a quiet meal and a few drinks. They booked a taxi on the quiet and fucked off clubbing. Fine, but do that any other night that isn't my hen do. If you're not happy to do what i stipulated I wanted to do, dont bother coming.

HeadintheiClouds · 14/08/2019 17:45

Have to laugh at a hen do in Ibiza being “what’s best for her” 🤣

origamiunicorn · 14/08/2019 17:48

hate the trend of destination Hen do's. Expecting friends to spend hundreds they may not have just because someone is getting married is crazy.

This

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/08/2019 17:56

What do you mean, 'she doesn't always know what's best for her'?

Is that you-speak for 'she doesn't like the things I like, which I think she ought to like?

Are you one of those people who say, 'Go on - you'll enjoy it!' to people who don't share your tastes and who know very well that they won't enjoy whatever it is?

notangelinajolie · 14/08/2019 17:57

Not every bride would enjoy jetting off to Ibiza for a foam party. It sounds like your sister prefers the quite life. Give her what she wants - it's not about you.

Not quite Ibiza but a night out in a drag club with a sparkly plastic tiara and willy shaped balloons were my gift from my hens. I left early - got DH to come and meet me and we got a curry and headed home.

Valanice1989 · 14/08/2019 17:59

Another vote for "reverse"

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 14/08/2019 18:11

YABU. Go for something close to home that feels special, like renting a cottage in the UK for the weekend? With a nice meal and drinks one night? Or a spa weekend?

Ibiza is expensive and she might hate it!

timshelthechoice · 14/08/2019 18:17

like renting a cottage in the UK for the weekend? With a nice meal and drinks one night? Or a spa weekend?

Just the one night! FFS, what's with expecting people to give up a whole weekend, re-arrange their schedules, use vital time off, kick in loads of money just because someone is getting married.

Sparklesocks · 14/08/2019 18:21

Do you not like your sister much?

When you organise hens you plan them around the bride’s interests - not yours. Have some respect for your sister’s wishes and be a decent MOH.

iklboo · 14/08/2019 18:29

If somebody had sprung this 'surprise' on me I'd flat out refuse to go.

HeyMonkey · 14/08/2019 18:40

Reverse?

I hate wild nights out. I'd be furious if my moh did something like that knowing it's not the kind of thing I like.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 14/08/2019 19:00

Christ. Do you even like your sister? Why on earth would you want to organise the very opposite of what she'd enjoy?