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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - sisters hen party

98 replies

happygoluckymeXD · 14/08/2019 16:39

Wonderful sister is getting married! 👰 I am maid of honour and therefore responsible for organizing the hen party! I want to surprise her with a fun hen party in Ibiza with lots of surprises. I want her to never feel she missed out on a proper hen party and has an amazing memory of a weekend all about her.

My sister is lovely, however, she can be a control freak, is very hard to please, and doesn't always know what is best for her. What I mean by this is she is not very open to trying new things (such as nights out) but will have such an amazing time when I spring them upon her.

She has given me a rule which is "nothing wild"

AIBU to break this rule?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 14/08/2019 16:50

Are you sure she's a control freak? It sounds like she knows you only too well and is trying to rein you in when it comes to her hen do.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 14/08/2019 16:51

Hen night in Ibiza sounds great if you’re footing the bill.
Otherwise get some ideas of what she would like.
Some hen nights I’ve enjoyed -
Weekend in Blackpool
Weekend in Brighton
Night out at a comedy club and dinner venue
Meal out followed by bar and club in London.

dollydaydream114 · 14/08/2019 16:52

Oh god, please just listen to your sister. There is nothing worse than people who make you do stuff you don’t really like because they think they know what’s best for you. If she had really had an amazing time on the nights out you sprung on her, she would be asking for another one, but she isn’t.

This is about her. What she wants is not necessarily what you want and you are imposing your idea of a good time on her.

Also, bear in mind that if you make her hen do a trip to Ibiza, some of her friends you invite won’t be able to go. Not everyone can spend the money or get the time off work for something like that.

Honestly, if I were your sister this would be my worst nightmare.

TapasForTwo · 14/08/2019 16:52

If you are thinking of having a hen party abroad make sure you include everything cost-wise before you approach the hens or you will get people dropping out as expenses mount.

Although you may get most of them saying they can't afford to go in the first place.

ColaFreezePop · 14/08/2019 16:57

Do something local or if it is a trip away make sure it is affordable for everyone who can come.

Stressedout10 · 14/08/2019 17:01

Wow massive ego trip "she doesn't know what's best for her " but you do 😱

If my sister did this after I said nothing wild not only would I refuse to go but I would kick her out of my wedding but seriously consider going nc permanently

Stressedout10 · 14/08/2019 17:03

And not but

whattodowith · 14/08/2019 17:04

YABU. Ibiza is literally my idea of a nightmare, sounds like your sister would hate it too. Book something she’ll actually enjoy.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 14/08/2019 17:04

Nope.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/08/2019 17:05

Organise a hen do that SHE will enjoy, not your idea of a good hen do. It is (or should be) about her not you.

Nothingcomesforfree · 14/08/2019 17:05

Oh come on.

Everyone knows the MN rules of Hen Parties especially on AIBU ( we’ve been doing them since May)

This is either a reverse or a wind up.

OnlyAHeartbeatAway · 14/08/2019 17:06

Just go out for a few drinks with friends.

Why does it have to be a very wild and expensive trip abroad. Madness.

Cryalot2 · 14/08/2019 17:07

What does your sister enjoy and honestly what does she call a good time.?
Also think of costs to others.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/08/2019 17:08

There is no such thing as a 'proper' hen night. There is just a hen night that the bride enjoys, because it suits her and her friends (and their budgets) and a hen night where the bride has a miserable time because some fuckwitted conformist thinks it has to be just like the ones the fuckwit has seen on Instagram - only the bride doesn't like stuff that looks good on instagram.

TimeForNewStart · 14/08/2019 17:08

This has got to be a reverse, surely?

The OP is surely the bride in this situation and is posting so she can show her MOH how unreasonable she has been in organising hen in Ibiza.

SaintWillibald · 14/08/2019 17:08

doesn’t always know what’s good for her
And you do? No you don’t, not if you think this is a good idea when she has asked for nothing wild.

TapasForTwo · 14/08/2019 17:10

I think this is a wind up

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 14/08/2019 17:10

To be honest you sound ghastly.

Are you sure she’s put you in charge, or did you appoint yourself?

Does she even want a hen night? It’s not obligatory.

user1480880826 · 14/08/2019 17:10

It pisses me off when people assume you’re happy to spend such insane amounts of money on a hen do. And then you have to spend even more money on attending the wedding and buying a gift. It’s getting totally out of control. Men seem to be even worse for spending crazy money on overseas stag dos.

PotteringAlong · 14/08/2019 17:10

I’m a bit like your sister. My sister organised my hen do. She sent an email stating no blow up penis’, nothing to make me feel uncomfortable and we went out for dinner and went bowling. It was amazing. I loved it. And it didn’t matter what she wanted, because it was my hen do.

Chloemol · 14/08/2019 17:11

Its all about her not you, she doesn’t do ‘wild’ so you shouldn’t. Don’t be mean to her

funkylittleboatrace · 14/08/2019 17:11

This is why I stopped going to Ibiza blady hen parties, Croatia luckily seems to be hen free for now.

KitKat1985 · 14/08/2019 17:12

Please don't. I was made to go clubbing on my hen night even though I've never liked clubbing and am quite an introverted person. It wasn't me and I didn't enjoy it.

Also not a lot of people are really going to want to pay for, and use loads of annual leave, just to go to someone's hen party in Ibiza. And some of her friends may literally just not be able to go if they have kids etc.

Merryoldgoat · 14/08/2019 17:12

If this isn’t a reverse you’re a twit.

Willow2017 · 14/08/2019 17:12

If someone organised something like that for me when.thry knew full.well.i wouldn't like I would be flamming furious that they didn't care about me just what they wanted. (And would tell them.where to stick it)

You don't know what is best for her she does. Ask her what she wants and do it.

Funnily enough it's not about you.