Baby fucking mama!

[patrickstarismyspiritanimal]

My ex-dp and I never married, we didn't want to. We were together for 20 years and had 3 planned and wonderful kids.

He's got a new girlfriend who has recently had his baby. She's now calling me baby mama like I'm a one night stand and herself the mother of his child.

I don't speak to the girl, I actually have a restraining order against her but she's saying these things in front of my kids and my ex-ils.

She's very jealous of me, at one point she was stalking me and doing all kind of weird things. She knows I use this so she's probably on here searching for my old threads!

Would I bu to shover her in the bin where she belongs?

*if

Its kind of meaningless, personally it wouldn't bother me but maybe that is because I had no idea of its meaning until now.

@SuperSara Baby mama is a derogatory term for a one night stand/booty call that got knocked up and then left by the father. No relationship, no involvement etc.

You both seem a bit unhinged tbh

Thanks @Waxonwaxoff0 and @ElizaDee

Would I bu to shover her in the bin where she belongs?

Metaphorically or literally? In either case, please do! (Obviously in the latter case I'm joking, but it's certainly an image to raise a smile. Especially if you nail the lid shut ...)

It's a horrible term that I would rather not be called by anyone.

Indeed. It's cringe-making, but says more about the kind of person using that phrase. And if she catches on that it's getting a rise out of you, she'll never quit. If she's as obsessed with you as to have generated police involvement in her shenanigans, the response that will irritate her most of all is a resounding wall of silence.

I came on here to vent rather than do it in front of my children, is that okay?

Absolutely okay. If someone's constantly trying to push our buttons (and this one sounds completely unhinged) a good bitch from time to time is healthy - not to mention pleasurable. Who's it hurting? Vent away!

I understand how that would be annoying and the temptation to "shove her in the bin".
However IRL, you're probably better off not rising to the bait. Maybe you should feel a little bit sorry for her as she is making a fool of herself and dating your ex.

"it's just a slang term for "mother of my child."

But it has connotations: that the 'mother of one of my babies' has no other function or relationship - typically used to describe the mother of a baby that is outside the father's marriage or relationship.

An ex who lived with the father for years and had a family with him is not a 'baby mother'.

It is a patois term and IMO sounds very twatty used by people who not of patois-speaking backgrounds so, depending, she may be extra infuriating.

What @ReasonedCamper said.

OP, why are your kids around her and your ex if there's a history of DV and you have an RO? I'd be looking to limit that contact, cannot be good for them!

It's a trashy term, and her using it makes her sound trashy, too.

It generally means "unmarried mother" and carries the implication that the relationship was a very casual one. A one-night stand or a "piece on the side" type of relationship as opposed to something deeper or more enduring. So yes, I'd find that insulting.

I'd avoid her and try to keep my children away from her, too, though it doesn't speak well for your ex, either, if that's what he's chosen to bring into his life...

I'd explain to my kids what the term meant, how it couldn't possibly apply to a 20 year relationship, then have a good laugh at her expense. Daft cow.

YANBU OP, that would piss me off too. Easier said than done I know, but try not to give her the power to wind you up. She's the one with the problem, try to do the metaphorical equivalent of 'la la la, I'm not listening' fingers in ears at her nonsense. If your children repeat it, just correct them in a neutral tone.

Ah, missed the part where the ex was abusive.

So they're both trash.

...If you must deal with them, I'd keep it to the bare minimum and ignore her as far as possible. She's not worth the trouble and headache of engaging with.

@ElizaDee kids are high school age so they can vote with their feet.

Better for OP to explain to the kids it's their choice how much time they spend with their father. I suspect they just want to see their half-sibling regardless of whether the child's mother has maturity issues.

I can see why you're riled and venting but it's just an expression of her own insecurity and obsession with you - so you can ignore it.

IME it means mum of your kids who you're not with - which is technically true and probably what she herself will be before too long, by the sound of it.

Give her a big fat mental "Meh" and let it go.

If you care about what she calls you, then you still care far too much. She probably says much worse when the kids are not there. Ignore it and move on. Don't put any energy into it.

Do your kids want to spend time with your ex? If they do, you can‘t stop her from being around unless she’s harassed your kids. Perhaps discuss this with them and say to ignore her ignorant drivel. Straw that broke the camels back I imagine.

I wouldn’t care less or read anything into baby mama as I personally don’t attach negative meaning to it, rise above it and ignore
I’d be more worried about violent unhinged people having access to my kids

He has visitation twice a month at his parents house for 6 hours a time.

I'm not unhinged, just sad that this is how things have turned out. I just want her to leave me alone and not make comments to my children or in laws who I have a living relationship with, especially as she doesn't even know me! But I guess the ex has told her a pack of lies about me but that still gives her no right

@Nofunkingworriesmate I've been on mn for years and have written numerous threads starting from the violence then when I finally left.

Ex-dp went to jail for his crimes against me. Since being released he has jumped through hoops to get these 6 hours twice a month which has taken him a couple of years to get. Social services involved etc..

I'm moaning that she called me that, it just triggered me I guess. I hadn't heard a peep from them for awhile.

I would never shove anyone in the bin by the way. It's just an expression we use where I live.

She is very likely feeling insecure. After all, if your ex can swan off from a relationship of 20 years/three children with barely a backward glance then her relationship with him probably feels very tenuous

@viques she's a lot younger than me, just become an adult so to speak and now a young mum with that berk as a partner.

I just want them both to sod off and leave me be, not much to ask is it?

@patrickstarismyspiritanimal it is completely disrespectful to assign that name to you. She is clearly very insecure.

You are best posting things like this in the relationships board rather than IABU which can result in a bun fight with people thinking you love the drama.

I would tell your children exactly what it means and that it doesn't describe your relationship with their father at all.