To think this is being malicious on purpose?

[Desperatetoseechange]

DSS's mum asked if DH could pick DSS up from school as she had plans. No problem, but DH and I had taken the day off to get some stuff done around the house. Planned day to fit around 2 hour round trip to pick up from school. Slightly annoying, but we worked around it. DH got to school and DSS was no where to be seen. Queue frantic DH, worried for DSS. He immediately texted DS and his mum. Message immediately back from mum, 'oh yes we just saw you, my plans changed. I picked him up' no apology, no remorse - nothing.
FFS, is it just me or is this just plain nasty, petty mind games?!

Its definitely inconvenient but without more context, we can't tell if its absent minded or malicious behaviour

Yeah I would be livid.

Impossible to know her reasoning given the information you've shared. Definitely very irritating though. I'd have been absolutely terrified in your DH's shoes when my DS wasn't there.

I don't think that sounds like 'mind games', but it is annoying. Are you implying it was intentional?

How is it possibly not intentional.... make plans to have child collected, completely disregard those plans and fail to inform relevant party.

You don’t forget to text someone you’ve asked to make a two hour round trip surely?!

My ex partners ex wife used to do this stuff all the time. She’d call on a Friday evening when we were out saying their daughter was sick and asking for dad. He’d leave and get to the mums house and the daughter wasn’t even home. She’d be out with friends, not sick, just being used by her own mum to be malicious.

Depends. Could be that she forgot. I suppose.

The fact thry just saw you but didn't call out to you, let you go into school and find him not there is what makes me think its malicious rather than accidental. If it was an over sight you'd apologise surely

Is she given to using malicious tactics to cause bother for you?

She -
Didn't let you know the arrangements had changed
Didn't apologise for causing you to have a 2 hour round trip unnecessarily
Saw you but didn't attempt to communicate or let dss see his dad

Sounds like mind games / malice to me.

Unless it's unusual behaviour for her and she's got something going on in her life which is distracting her?

Complete understand that we all forget things. But if you saw relevant party, you would say 'oh shit' and let DSS have night with his dad. Not squirrel him home .....

Giving her the benefit of the doubt - could her plans have changed whilst she was driving, so she went straight to the school and therefore didn't have time to inform anyone that plans had changed?

I've sometimes had to divert whilst driving and been unable to stop and text to let anyone know...

or she could be malicious. Without any background it's hard to tell.

or she could be malicious. Without any background it's hard to tell.

You have the background that she didn't apologise or attempt to let dss see his dad. Sounds fairly malicious to me.

Again, with no background, we still can't tell.

Maybe her relationship with dad is very acrimonious and if they'd met in the school playground an argument may have ensued that she didn't want to have in front of the child.

If they generally get on well, then yes, she WBU.

Regardless of if her plans had changed surely you would have rolled with 'DC is at their dads tonight' ........

It's plain old, bare-faced disrespect. She didn't care enough to communicate, is the bottom line. It's common sense and decency to inform someone that they no longer need to make a 2 hour round trip.
There really are no good excuses here, unless...

it's a one-off. In this case, I'd totally give her the benefit of the doubt (maybe she's got lots going on or a worry distracting her).

It sounds pretty shitty to me. People don’t just “forget” stuff like that, she would have rang her ex as soon as she saw him to apologise if so.

It’s not good. Could be a genuine mistake but the lack of apology “oh shit, I forgot” doesn’t paint her in a good light.

Poor DH. He must be gutted.

Has she form for this or just very flakey in arrangements?

Yanbu
That is completely off.

What is the relationship with her normally like?

That was so disrespectful. Even if plans changed en route, as pp suggested, she didn't need to then divert to pick DS up as that was covered. I'd be fuming.

Being honest, she is a horrible person. Uses DSS as a tool to upset and manipulate DH. I could never imagine thinking, 'oh I know what I'm going to do, I'll arrange to have DS collected then carry on regardless' DH must have felt sick to the stomach when he couldn't find him. It's playing on every parents worst fear.....

Well if she has form for this,i just wouldnt do her a favour.Stick to your designated times.I know it will be hard on the dss.But what ese can you do.

I wouldn’t be doing her favours anymore. If you haven’t got a contact order get one and stick to it.