To think this is being malicious on purpose?

[Desperatetoseechange]

DSS's mum asked if DH could pick DSS up from school as she had plans. No problem, but DH and I had taken the day off to get some stuff done around the house. Planned day to fit around 2 hour round trip to pick up from school. Slightly annoying, but we worked around it. DH got to school and DSS was no where to be seen. Queue frantic DH, worried for DSS. He immediately texted DS and his mum. Message immediately back from mum, 'oh yes we just saw you, my plans changed. I picked him up' no apology, no remorse - nothing.
FFS, is it just me or is this just plain nasty, petty mind games?!

God what a complete cow she is. No wonder your DH split with her.

Just refer to the child everytime from now on, don't make anything about her like others have said. Make it all about the kid. She doesn't get her daily attention quota then.

Refuse in future.
I hate being made a prat of.

It's really malicious and also dangerous. What if next time your DH goes to collect the kid from school when asked and once again cannot find him, then assumes that his ex picked him up like before. Valuable time could be lost till it transpires that the kid might have actually be missing for real.

She's an inconsiderate twat. Matters none if she was being intentionally malicious or not. To allow you to waste 2 hours of a planned day off without a second thought....unbelievable. obviously if it was necessary then I don't see any problems with it, but the way it went down was incredibly inconsiderate

I really wonder what she said to DSS...... it's just pathetic.

DC can work out the truth more than adults often give them credit for. Best way to go against gameplayer is to be really straight and transparent in your time with DSS.

For example DSS asks questions about visiting you and you can see DM has twisted things, don't bad mouth her, but you can be honest..."We don't know why that was said, but we love having you here". He'll grow older, get a mobile and things change. My eldest is now young teen and I don't have to communicate plans so much now.

Don't get pulled down by it, DSS needs adults putting him first and you are doing the right thing in supporting him.

I wouldn't be doing her anymore favours... that day, DH had taken time off work as you two had things planned. So in future if this was to happen again, the answer is 'sorry I cant do that today as I've got plans'. If she has previous for this sort of thing then its important that you make arrangements with her and hope that they DO go to plan... but any short notice favours or arrangements just don't bend over backwards for her. And make sure that when you both see DSS you give him as much love and time as possible and make good memories for him so that he knows you are always there for HIM.

“DC can work out the truth more than adults often give them credit for.”

I think this is a very dangerous assumption. Children, particularly little ones, believe what trusted adults tell them. If this child’s mother tells him his dad couldn’t be bothered to come and pick him up that is what he will believe. Be very careful about saying no in the future. It’s a crap situation- but you can’t refuse in the future because of it.

@BertrandRussell agree. This is why it's so selfish when adults do this and use children as weapons as plant seeds into their heads... because yes it's not nice for the other set of adults, but it's very damaging for the child. The other adults can see clearly what's going on and have each other to support in the situation. But the child can't always process what's happening and what's true and what's not. It also steels the child of balance and stability and strong loving relationships. I have zero respect for parents who do this to children.