To ask what's 'normal'?

[Andysbestadventure]

Shamelessly posting for traffic.

I'm trying to find out what's the 'norm' with toddler educational development. This is not a humble brag, I'm genuinely after advice on next steps or how to nurture, if needed, as I don't have anyone in real life I can ask to be honest.

My 2yrd old (26mths) so far is totally NT and developing very well socially and physically, but have been told he may be 'advanced' when it comes to learning.

He's currently happily counting up to 20, learned to count to ten probably a year ago now, can name all shapes, colours, even differentiating between shades of colours for a few like lilac instead of just purple. Has known his Alphabet for several months too.

His fine motor skills are excellent and he holds crayons well and tries to 'colour' properly. He tries to copy what we draw too. He reads ahead (by quoting the next page) in books before we've even turned the page.

He has always been ahead with speech and took to baby signing before that like a duck to water. He talks well and has short conversations already.

He seems to absorb everything. As silly as this sounds, I thought half of this was normal, half of it was just him maybe being a bit ahead. But apparently maybe not?

The HV said he was very advanced - more than she'd seen in years. We've been to two nurseries recently to view them and the staff have commented the same. So has our GP 😳 But no one seems to be able to offer advice or point us in the right direction to nurture it in the right way.

Do we even need to do much? Is he advanced or are they all just blowing hot air?

Social skills are more important once the rest of his age group start to catch up.
Make sure he knows how to play! But yup that does sound very advanced- just make sure you are giving him lots of opportunities- clubs etc. And make sure he can socialise with peers his own age.

Time and again I meet gifted children who are extremely adult led and don't know how to interact with children and struggle when starting school.

So that would be my advice.
(My DS2 sounds like yours, my DS1, however was late in EVERYTHING and is still catching up)

He sounds bright and interested in lots of things just encourage him to be independent and to share, teach him to use the toilet and how to be polite. Help him understand his emotions and feelings and encourage his appetite for knowledge through fun and answer his questions. Formal learning will be soon enough let him enjoy being a toddler 🙄

Good to see the usual unhelpful comments littering the forum 😑

It’s perfectly valid to ask for some advice OP, ignore the vipers...

Deciding a child is 'gifted' and placing that kind of expectation on them can be disastrous. A lot of people I know who were labeled as gifted as children grew up to live miserable and unsuccessful lives.

I think this is sort of true - I was/am “gifted” and spend a lot of my 20s thinking I had “wasted my potential” because while academically “brilliant” once I plopped off the education conveyor belt I had a very very average career and my peers were frankly borderline stupid pretty average.
I frequently remember thinking “how did this happen!?!??”

My boyfriend and our friends share a similar “how did I end up here?” / “is this it?” feeling (many of these are oxbridge graduates)
To be clear, objectively, our careers are not terrible, we were probably ahead of average but when you are told you are in the top 1% academically it is very disappointing- you can easily feel you “failed to actualise”.

Somewhat depressingly, what’s eased my feelings is being bloody lucky with a few career breaks that I’ve progressed well after a few initial stumbles and have made it into the higher earner bracket so I feel I have come good 🤦‍♀️ which is frankly nonsense and I wish my self esteem was tied more strongly to other factors.

My advice would to put them in good schools and stop telling them they are smart (the school does this for you 😬) focus hard on praising and developing other qualities (empathy, loyalty, doing the right thing etc) and developing their happiness and contentment through other outlets.
Basically, make sure their self esteem is built solely on “golly gosh aren’t I smart” and it’s grown up pal “golly gosh aren’t I great I earn loads”

I saw an interesting thing on secret lives of 5 year olds where children fair better if you praise effort rather than intelligence

m.facebook.com/TitantheRobot/videos/243814369831932/

Mine did all these things at that age (except recite the alphabet, because he hadn't been exposed to it & I hadn't taught it to him, why would I...). He also recognised a few letters in terms of phonics tho, because his older cousins have a letter wall chart and they showed him the letters in his name etc & sounded out letters when he pointed to the pictures he likes.

I don't think he's advanced (now 31m) as at this age they just vary massively in timing of what they display based on what they are interested in. At 24m mine was doing 24 piece Thomas puzzles independently, it was a phase and he's currently not really interested. Friends kids, some are better on gross motor or other areas.

Some are toilet trained so a bit of their brain is being used for that. Some are starting to help dress/undress themselves.

People tend to focus on what appear to be the beginnings of "academic" advancement but often it hugely evens out at about age 6.

Have a look at the Potential Plus website. There’s some great articles and advice on there without having to join.

See how he gets on with Pre-prep but having a gifted child can be very challenging so the more reading you can do around the issues and how to spot them the better.

I was bright and ahead of my age when I was that age, and started proper school just before my fourth birthday.

I am now distinctly average

I’m amazed by the downplaying -ds3 is 27 months and ‘generally’ (by hv/cm/teacher friends) considered very bright and astute and he can’t do any of that.

Knowing the whole alphabet phonetically and counting to 20 at 26 months i’d say is very forward in that area and I don’t believe for a minute it’s as common as some are trying to make out!

However - if you’re worried about how to ‘advance’ him already op i’d say you’re already at risk of starting down the wrong track tbph. And personally - I think ‘rugby, football and swimming’ lessons/regular sessions for a 2 year old is...ahem...a little too eager.

He’ll probably be (as an adult) intelligent but being advanced or gifted at 2 is no real indication of being so for life.

Just have fun with him! He’s 2...the very last thing that’s important to them at this age is having advanced academic skills.

@Andysbestadventure DD was an early talker with a great memory. She always used to question everything. Her CM said she was very bright, strangers used to comment when we were out and about and they heard her speak.

She's not at the very top of her class, but she's at or above the expected level in all subjects (she's 10 now). She's a November baby, so I guess that's expected at this age, but her teachers often talk about her emotional maturity.

She picks things up very quickly and offer gets asked to explain things to the rest of the class.

She may even out eventually, but I think go with the flow and match his abilities. I have a couple of friends with young, very bright children and I have to keep reminding myself how young they are. Their conversational skills and understanding always impress me.

Keep doing what you're doing. Music lessons are a good idea. I agree with those saying don't move him too far ahead or he may get bored at school. (I'm not qualified in this area though, so I might be talking bull)

My Dd was doing similar at that age (they aren't actually reading, they just remember how the story goes). She was reciting nursery rhymes when others her age had barely started saying a few words, could write her name, knew the alphabet/colours/numbers etc. By 7/8 it had all evened out. Don't get me wrong, she's done well academically but she's not ended up on any "gifted" list.

There's memorizing the alphabet and then there is knowing the alphabet phonetically and being able to answer questions about the order of the letters.

Sounds very similar to my DD. She had an astounding memory, remembering incidents from when she was much younger (she’s 3 and recalls things from much before she was 2, such an occupation she was sick in the car, which she brought up the other day).

She is ahead of most others of the same age, but I’m expecting them to catch up by school age.

She also knew her alphabet, count to 20 etc at 2. She could also draw people and could ‘read ahead’, but all of these things are a sign of her excellent memory.

Apart from drawing people, that wasn’t from memory and shocked me when I realised what she was doing!

Your ds sounds exactly the same as my dd of same age. Definitely above average but as you have experienced here, it doesn't go well to post about it on mn.
Keep playing and learning together as you're doing.

He does sound pretty advanced to me and I think it's great that you've evidently put so much time and effort into developing his interests.
One thing I would say is it's probably worth thinking about the non-academic skills too... my (totally normal) just turned 3yo DS has advanced communication skills and amazes some adults by explaining evaporation and magnetism to them, but is fairly hopeless at things like dressing himself, eating with decent table manners, and following instructions like 'let's all sit in a circle and sing some songs' as he would rather be off doing his own thing. So I'm trying to work on those things with him a bit more.

My dd was like your son she could count. Knew colours etc early.
She is still a bright girl. In top sets finds academics easy but in NO way is she gifted Just a normal bright girl.
She does have some anxiety issues at times and I’m seeking help for her emetephobia as it’s very severe. So we are not perfect

He sounds advanced. Whether that’s because he’s very bright or because these types of things are what he enjoys, who knows? Time will tell. In the meantime, carry on supporting him to do what he enjoys whether it’s memorising shapes and colours, colouring, learning to read or playing in the mud! Make sure he always has stuff to do at his own level of ability rather than his age level so he doesn’t get bored and stop learning ( I could read/ add/ subtract etc by 2 and remember school being boring at first until they let me work through the reading list and work books for higher up the school)