Workings mums

[AliceWho12]

Without full context for full view which of these is more reasonable

1. Mum who works away Monday - Friday but has 15 weeks of holiday per year.

1. Mum who works four days a week, unable to take holiday in January, July and August and the four days are long days (leaving at 6am returning at 8pm).

No 1. Earns 11k more.

Kids ages 8, 5, 3.

Held settle a debate between me and my husband.

Honestly there’s no way I could work at such a distance for weeks at a time with small children, getting home at 8.30 on Friday leaves you very little time over the weekend, you can’t get home easily if there’s an emergency and the Middle East is hardly the most stable of regions. For me it would fall into the category of opportunities I can’t take now that I have small children, I’d absolutely refuse to support my husband if he wanted to do the same thing.

For me, we made the choice to have children, which means there are other choices I can’t in all conscience make, this would be one of them.

So you wouldn't land until at least 8.30pm on the Friday? Then you need to get luggage etc and then get home?

I'm with @jellycatspyjamas. I think this kind of work travel is something you do pre-kids.

But it sounds like you've made up your mind.

Option 1, 15 weeks off with the kids is an amazing deal. If your DH is a fab parent, they will easily cope with Mon-Thurs

Do you have a say about when you can have the holidays?

Option 1, 15 weeks off with the kids is an amazing deal. If your DH is a fab parent, they will easily cope with Mon-Thurs

It’s more like Monday to Friday given the time she’ll arrive home. What if one of the children has an accident, needs hospital treatment, her husband gets sick, or something happens at home that needs her presence. She can’t just drive up the M6.

That’s before you think about stuff at school and nursery, getting to know the kids friends and their world - 15 weeks holiday is great, if it wasn’t for the other 37 weeks that she wouldn’t be available to her family in a meaningful way given the distances involved.

@Oly4 what does being a 'fab parent' have to do with it? I could say that I'm a 'fab parent' but it's still hard when you are technically the 'only' parent all week. And I understand you could say the OP's DH is the 'only' parent under option 2 also but at least the OP would be coming in every night, have at least a chance of seeing the kids before bed and is closer for assistance in emergencies.

It's a before dc or after they've grown kind of job. Imo. I have 13 weeks off with my dc and still see them every day, so from my perspective it sounds awful. But I know some people would do this - mostly men, and then I expect they become pretty irrelevant to their dcs day to day lives.

It's not a question for purely 'reasoned' debate. Option 1 is enforcing a particular lifestyle on the partner as well as the mum (and I would say the same if it was a dad) so their feelings must be taken into account when making a decision.

It's not a question for purely 'reasoned' debate. Option 1 is enforcing a particular lifestyle on the partner as well as the mum

That is very true. Pre-kids, I worked away a lot with lots of high-flying dads. They were —getting off their tits— working in Milan, Paris, Amsterdam; their wives were looking after their kids for days/weeks at a time.

Honestly, I'd probably pick option 1 if you're personally happy to be away that long considering the other parent is a sahd.
Not every family life is the same, and theres nothing wrong with that. I'm sure plenty of dads work away in the military, offshore or just somewhere the jobs are far better without anyone batting an eyelid.

At the end of the day, you dont have to do job 1 forever if it isnt working for you and the kids. You never know, even just a year of extra money might make a big difference, or the experience of job 1 might open doors closer to home.

As much guilt as I'm sure lots are going to project onto you, life doesnt stop for kids and taking a lower paid job for more home time isnt always the responsible option, ESPECIALLY if your DH is a sahd.

Mums need to do what suits them and their family lives best.

I’d go option 1.
4 long days means you won’t see them and won’t be able to take leave when the kids aren’t off.

Option 2 means you get much more quality time with them plus every weekend and more money to do things.

Neither is ideal but with a dad working from home then I think I’d go with option 2.

I meant I’d go with option 1 🤦🏻‍♀️

Not super keen on either but, I think on balance 1 is better. Holidays are hard to find cover for, and if you’re already out of the house til 8pm, it’s effectively going from 4 days away to 5. Not much different and the extra holiday should give you good quality time. You’ll not see your partner either that way though, and that’s hard on him!

The fact that you've asked opinions to settle the debate between you and your DH tends to suggest that he isn't keen on you taking option 1. As the parent who'll be left to pick up the slack whilst you jet around the world, I would say that his feelings would trump.

And no, life doesn't stop for kids but you can't always expect to live the same jet set life that you did before having them.

I have to travel for work quite a lot, leaving DH to care for the DCs. He is a SAHD. However, I do worry about the safety aspect of just one adult in the house - what if there is a medical emergency? Also, I generally return to find the house in complete chaos. Housework and maintenance suffer when you’re not there to do a bit each evening.

Still, on the basis that neither of the OP’s options is perfect, I’d probably go for 1.