Workings mums

[AliceWho12]

Without full context for full view which of these is more reasonable

1. Mum who works away Monday - Friday but has 15 weeks of holiday per year.

1. Mum who works four days a week, unable to take holiday in January, July and August and the four days are long days (leaving at 6am returning at 8pm).

No 1. Earns 11k more.

Kids ages 8, 5, 3.

Held settle a debate between me and my husband.

I think no 1. A teacher at a private school perhaps?

both have their pros and cons.

If dad would be away Mon - Fri, then I guess the question would not come up this way as it is seen as much more acceptable.

I personally would prefer option 2. I would not want to be away regularly from my DC every week but that is me.

When you say away Mon - Fri, how far and when do you leave and when do you come back? Would you leave Monday morning and come back Friday PM or would you have to set off on Sunday?

"And as for 'you can't be a mum and be away during the week', what a load of sexist bollocks. Would you say that to a man who works away?"

@spinaret Yes I would. How can you parent a child if you are not there all week. You would just nit be around. I've worked full time, but I saw them in the morning and evening every day, so you have that contact and are present.

*Wouldn't be a question if it was DH.
*
If would be for me and I suspect many others. As I've said my DH has done this regularly and it's bloody hard being the only parent all week. If he told me that he was considering making this the norm all week every week I'd be pretty unhappy about it and, ultimately, quite resentful.

I would choose 1 all day long, particularly if DH works from home and available for school drop off and pick up etc.

It's more than likely the kids won't see mum on the 4 long days anyway. The extra money and extra holidays will make it worthwhile.

I'd personally choose 1. You still have all the weekends home and the equivilant of 3x the amount of holiday.
If your husband thinks he would be ok with doing the donkey share of the childcare and household in the week of course. FWIW I'd say the same to a man in this position. My partner also works away monday to friday most weeks so I know the pressures of being the parent taking care of the house (while holding down a full time job)

I actually quite like it, It actually makes us appreciate each other more and once the children are in bed it can be quite nice to have the house to myself.

The 11k increase in salary isn't in any context. If you are a higher rate tax payer anyway the difference isn't really that much, If you only earn £30k it's a significant difference.

Tartan333 what a wonderfully positive thing for you to contribute. Bravo.
@agog123...I think that was quite mean of you to say. She gave her opinion, like lots of others on here who have said the same thing.

in all honesty, neither really. /../I’m not being sexist btw, I would say the same whether it be mum or dad.

Out of house 6-8 is pretty usual in my circles, many people have long commutes nowadays so that's pretty much just a normal work day. And usually this also means 5 days per week, not 4. I don't know too many people who can afford both parents working part time hours only.

In OP's shoes I think I would do 1, but it really depends. Any flexibility and occasional work from home? How far is the job, can you get home in an emergency? Can you take days off when needed, or are the 15 weeks fixed?

So to summarise:-

OP currently has job 2. Wants to take job 1. Thread not going the way she expected.

My DH worked away Mon-Fri for a few years, it is not good and I would not recommend it.

No 2 - your children will really miss you. I would say this regardless of whether you are a father or mother.

Wants to take job 1. Thread not going the way she expected

Where do you get that from?

Many have said option 1

Very tough one.

I've always worked FT. DH is SAHD.

My kids are now late teens, they openly say they missed me and used to wait til I came home every day. I never got home later than 7pm and I left for work at 8am so saw plenty of them.

Neither of this scenarios are ideal if I'm honest, and I say that with no judgement at all. Just being honest and thinking about the kids. Would I feel differently if it was the husband? A little but not much.

If I had to choose then yes go with 1, which is clearly what you want OP. It is better in that you have a lot of great holiday time and 2 will mean you will be absolutely run ragged and feel guilty about not seeing kids before or after work anyway.

Sorry if I'm missed this but are there really no other options?

Good luck

@tabbymumz not really, the thread was choose which one, not none - it’s a working mums thread, so obviously we all know that there’s a third option..:

We have done both. Dh now does option 2. He was too disconnected working away and disnt really know his children

@ChicCroissant plenty of people have said option 1. I think quality over quantity is far more important

But he only gets stat holidays

As a child I would prefer option 2 to be honest.

I'm getting that from the OP's responses Tilda. A vote would have been really handy here!

I think the 15 weeks holiday makes a huge amount of difference as opposed to working away from home 47 weeks of the year. Plus one parent is already at home.

I don’t see how 2 can be preferable as holiday time cannot be taken with the kids school holidays.

I work part time but have almost all the school holidays off. By far I have more quality time with DC over the holidays compared to my days off.

Of course it's tough for the DH to be fully responsible for the DC with option 1. But with option 2, basically all school holidays would be his sole responsibility. There wouldn't be any family holidays, would there?

@TabbyMumz. Right, so my husband isn't a dad because he was in the military and away for months on end. Or during the periods that we had to live apart so I could maintain my job as the main earner in the household, and DS lived with me and we only saw DH at weekends.

Or my good friend whose job takes her overseas 2-3 weeks each month? Her job pays the mortgage, feeds the family, pays for their holidays, allows her DH to pursue a low paid but interesting career. Is she not a mum?

Loads of people have to make the decision to be apart during the week. It doesn't stop them being a parent. And to suggest it does, is pretty offensive IMO.

What about all the divorced/separated parents who only see their kids at weekends? Do they suddenly stop being 'dad' or 'mum'?

I think 1 as I think option 2 would run you absolutely ragged and no one would get the best of you!

Option 2 is better. Option 1 will permanently undermine your relationships with your dh & dc. I've seen this happen several times. And for just 11k extra a year! Absolutely crazy to even consider it

@Spinnaret....if they are not there...how are they parenting? As a working mum myself, I know the hardships of it all. My partner worked 4 on 4 off, 12 hour shift. On those 4 on 12 hour days, he simply was not there. I know his relationship with the kids suffered . He wasn't there. How would they interact with him.