Workings mums

[AliceWho12]

Without full context for full view which of these is more reasonable

1. Mum who works away Monday - Friday but has 15 weeks of holiday per year.

1. Mum who works four days a week, unable to take holiday in January, July and August and the four days are long days (leaving at 6am returning at 8pm).

No 1. Earns 11k more.

Kids ages 8, 5, 3.

Held settle a debate between me and my husband.

Sorry didn’t notice that you would be away m-f. However the long hours of option two you would not see youngest hardly at all anyway. I’d still go option 1.

Number 2 is my working week (I have a 3yo and another on the way) but I’ve often fantasised about working number 1 - reason being baby is in bed, don’t see him 4 days a week anyway. 1 would be easier for me definitely, but harder on my husband.

Im sure both work however 2 probably provides more routine and stability for the kids. Having mum there all week for the daily routine, homework, clubs etc rather than just the holidays/good times x

1 because lots of holidays which I assume you can coincide with school ones.

Option 1 if the mum is happy with that work pattern, makes the most of the holiday time with the children and Dad is stepping up as full time parent. Mum needs to understand that if the family breaks up, Dad may get main custody.

Both options sound awful to me, I wouldn't do either.

To be honest I don’t like the sound of either of them.

Option 2 wouldn’t give you much family time in the week anyway so DH would have to do most things anyway.

How far away is Option 1?

What are your current hours, how much family time do you currently have?

Tartan333 what a wonderfully positive thing for you to contribute. Bravo.

Don't see it as any different than a male who does the same, if one parent will be home and the other parent is good with it, the sex is inconsequential of the working away from home parent.

I agree the sex of the parent is irrelevant- neither my husband or I would do option 1.

Option one for the children but still not great for them. Neither are very fair on a partner.

Both have good and bad.
I think the 1st one maybe due to extra money and holidays for proper family time. (the extra money would pay for some lovely holidays together).
Where the 2nd you might be missing out on loads anyway with the hours, you wouldn't really see them and less income.

Also depends on what your partners arrangements are.

Option 1 sounds better in many ways but as a child I'd have hated not having my mum around in the week.

Neither is ideal but we do option 2 currently (my DH does). Living it at the moment, I'd definitely choose option 1. It's really bloody hard being the only parent at home all week, trying to do all the running to clubs etc, being the only one who is there to rush and pick up if one of them is ill, being the only one to get up in the night if one of them wakes. Silly things too like being the one who has to remember dinner money, letters for school, make doctors appointments. No way would we choose it there was a viable alternative.

Oh god I got the options the wrong way round! What I mean is we currently live with DH away Mon-Fri. It's really hard and I would definitely choose to have both parents home every night.

For my family, neither would work, but it works for other families, so no reason why either of them won’t work for your family.
I think option one would be better. Option 2, by the time you get home, dc would surely be in bed, so you wouldn’t see them anyway and you would be gone before they got up. Even if you were back before bed, it wouldn’t really be quality time with them as they would be tired and potentially be hyped up by your arrival home (and if you were the ‘home’ parent, this would likely be very irritating).
Option 1, would you leave very early Monday and arrive back Friday night?

The holiday thing is also massive. No holidays in July and August is far from ideal when you have school aged children, it’s a long time for them to be in childcare. As long as the fifteen weeks can be taken when you want and you are prepared to take them over school holidays so you can maximise time with your dc, I think 1 is the better option.

BUT, your dp has to be absolutely fully on board with which ever option you choose as he is going to take the brunt of the childcare and home stuff while you aren’t there.

Option 2 allows for things like needing to take a day off if Dad is ill. If you're away all week you can't easily do that. My DH often works away up to 4 nights a week. Texts during the day and a phone call at night isn't the same as him actually coming through the door every night, regardless of the time.

I'd be looking for option 3.

And if I'm being really harsh, option 1 allows you to basically opt out of the day to day stresses of family life. Nothing like talking to your partner on the phone as they drive to their hotel for a nice dinner and full night's sleep while kids are screaming in the background and them saying 'I'll just leave you to it then. Bye! Love you!'

Option 1! Definitely!

Really interesting to see how stuck we can be on traditional roles. Wouldn't be a question if it were DH.

Option 1 if you wouldn’t be seeing them due to long hours with option 2 anyway!

Go for 1. You'll have more holiday so quality time plus you'll have extra money for do nice things in that time. If you're having to 'settle a debate' with your DH who makes half what you do I would kindly suggest he get off his butt and get a better job or perhaps appreciate the extra financial support you bring to the family.

Both are fine. Shall we pick apart the husband's schedule and decide how neglectful of his kids he is based on how many hours he works and how much holiday he has?

I'm a single parent and work full time. I like that I am showing my kids that it's possible to do it all and run one's own life without help. Since you have a partner, your situation is not so extreme, but my point is that raising a child well is not all about how much time you spend with them. It's also about being a role model and showing them what they can be.

I diagree with the idea people wouldnt question a man being away monday to friday. A lot of men try and avoid this work pattern to be at home, a lot of womem arent that happy with the arrangement when it does happen as it places a burden on them. My DH has done this work pattern. It was a constant question.