Fucking confused

[bastardmarriedmen]

A few weeks ago I met a man on a work do and we drunkenly flirted. He told me he wanted sex with me. I said I wouldn't and went home. But he continued messaging me asking me sexual questions. I was flattered so reciprocated. Eventually I picked up on a few things about him that made me realise he was after one thing entirely and I backed off. I think he was gaslighting me. He was making out I was crazy because I was questioning him over the rumours about him being a womaniser. I know I am completely better off without him but I keep thinking did I get him wrong. Should I have been kinder to him. I keep thinking about him but I know he is a narcissist. It's doing my head in. He's left now. And he blanked me after I told him to leave me alone.

I think you are trying to romanticise the situation. He doesnt sound at all pleasent.

Maybe focus on why you are worrying so much about somebody who gave you so little. What about your DH... how would you feel if he had wrote this thread?.

Obviously I'm better off without him

Quite.

@PointlessUsername I think u are totally right. I think I'm just trying to figure out what I did wrong. The night when he tried it on I told my boss as we were all out together and she said he was a sleaze. I just feel more upset by the fact he was messaging me like we were friends more than anything. I stopped this because I thought well we're not behaving like friends and I couldn't keep that secret anymore but I keep thinking what did I do wrong.

What about your DH... how would you feel if he had wrote this thread?.

Upset. If anything this whole thing has made me appreciate my dh more

@bastardmarriedmen Seriously grow up. He's a married man and other than trying it on with you and facing your rejection what exactly did he do to you? He left your life and hasn't done anything to you since.

YOU'RE the one who is making issues because you're desperate for his attention which says a lot about you. You know damn well he is married and that you are in a relationship but had no problem entertaining him and his disgusting behaviour before. It's only now he's left you that you're blaming him for messing with your head, when he's not even in your life. It's YOU. You are the one who is pining for his attention.

As I said before, do your partner a favour and allow him to be with someone who isn't whinging over a married man.

As for you saying it's making you appreciate your husband more, it does not come across as though you give a shit about him really.

This man has long left your life and look at what you've written.

Hang on a min, your user name is bastardmarriedmen? And you're married too yet responding to blatant sexual messages from other men?

And he blanked me after I told him to leave me alone
Er, yeah...

Seriously? Yes he was always after one thing. He bloody told you when you met.

But neither of you were free to explore that thing, and sending sexual messages whilst you're in a relationship, to a newly married man - what the fuck is wrong with you??

Um

Yes YABU to your husband and to his wife. You clearly want an affair even if it's no physical contact, you like the attention. You told him to leave you alone, he did, because frankly he's not that interested and had probably moved on to the next narcissistic princess with no moral standard.

You’ve got a partner. You owe the other guy sweet FA.

You did the right thing. Next time don't get too friendly with sleezes.

You don't come across well in this at all. Or at least your relationship doesn't and it makes me pity your partner. You met another guy, you flirted, you sexted, and now it sounds like you're obsessing over him. Your partner deserves better than this. If you genuinely weren't interested in the other guy, and genuinely didn't want to cheat, you wouldn't have:

1. flirted
2. given him your number
3. replied to his texts, especially the sexual ones
4. cared about his 'reputation as a womaniser' or even discussed it with him! Because it would have been irrelevant!

It sounds like you're trying to word your post so you're the victim in this situation, by saying he was 'gaslighting' you, when really it sounds like you're just upset that he blanked you and didn't fight for you.

The mistake you made was engaging with him at all. Presumably you have him your number, knowing that he was only (or primarily) interested in sex with you. I don't think he did anything wrong either. You were told from the outset that he was a sleaze and he proceeded to confirm this. At that point, why continue any kind of contact? For all you know, he and his wife might have an open relationship - it's of absolutely no importance to you, nor the fact that some of his messages seemed "friendly".

Block his number if you haven't already. Concentrate on what's lacking in your relationship such that a modicum of attention from a married, known sleazeball has given you so much angst.

Thanks for all your responses. I think I needed to get this out to get the whole situation out of my head. I think the problem here is he was also talking to me like we were friends. I decided I couldn't do anything and I am so glad nothing happened. I genuinely have never done anything like this before and felt terrible for it. I deleted his number anyway. I think what has been doing my head in is the way I let him keep talking to me but I need to move on now.

Keep away from this idiot. If your instincts are telling you it's wrong, then it's wrong. Simple as that.

The rumours about him being a womaniser are probably true too and his behaviour isn't exactly saintly either. You do not need him in your life OP so be grateful he backed off.
Get away and stay away for your own good.

So he flirted and sexted you.
You responded.
You then changed your mind and told him to back off.
He backed off
Absolute fucking bastard. How dare he do as you asked.

HE WANTED A SHAG. End of. You didn’t give him one so he’s lost interest. Shame on both your partners

People really need to know when to post on Mumsnet and when to write a diary entry.

You're just making even more excuses now.

It's a done deal.

I think you wanted him to chase you more, you don't sound arsed about your partner in the slightest and you say your partner is the reason you didn't do anything, when you actually say he blanked you after you started questioning him

Better off without him?
Honey, you were never with him.
You are both in relationships. He asked you, perfectly honestly, if you wanted sex.
Not a relationship. Sex.
You are the one who is creating a whole load of drama.
He is right. You are crazy

He’s a twat and you’ve swerved him.
Be happy with that and stop obsessing about him. I don’t understand the amount of headspace you’re allowing him at all.

Jeez

I don't understand why you'd even give him your number to start with....

The rest of the thread just makes my head hurt

He was talking to.you like a friend because he wanted sex, it didn't happen so he was pissed off and has most probably moved on to someone else. The End
Now stop thinking about this sleeve bag and get on with your life with DH.

So you were sexting this guy and trying to work out if he wanted a relationship with you or he just wished sex?

And now you're asking if you got him wrong, and maybe he did wish a relationship with you?

And you think there is nothing wrong with your marriage?

Is this for real?