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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What age for ears pierced?

223 replies

Gottastopspendingmoney · 10/08/2019 19:18

Almost 8 year old is asking more and more to get her ears pierced.

I am not going to let her yet. I say she can get them done when she is 18Grin.

But just wondering what age parents have allowed them to get done.

I am thinking 10 / 11 at the very youngest but I will happily push it longer than that.

She did tell me the other day that it would have been easier if I had got them done as a baby Hmm

OP posts:
annikin · 12/08/2019 13:58

11, between primary and high school

M3lon · 12/08/2019 13:59

altogether

your argument doesn't make sense though.

If girls bodies belong to them and they should be making the choices, then why let their friends make the decision for them?

Everyone on this thread who has commented on this has said their kids are asking because their friends have them.

As parents we are protecting our kids bodily autonomy by preventing them from giving into peer pressure.

I wonder if all the people on here who see giving in as inevitable will take the same approach when its peer pressure to have sex, or start smoking or drugs?

There is no way whatsoever I would let my DD do anything to her body 'because everyone else has'.

Fuck that!

M3lon · 12/08/2019 14:03

I mean what is the answer to 'why do you want to pierce your ears?'

a) all my friends have (in which case saying yes is tantamount to saying peer pressure is worth risking infection and illness for)

b) I want to look pretty ( in which case saying yes is tantamount to saying that as a girl you appearance is worth risking infection and illness for)

Any others?

c) I just want to and I don't even know why? (see a) basically)

d) I just want to look like you mummy (in which case you are caught in a hypocritical bind, but hey - maybe you can instil better self esteem in your DD than you received from your own parents...)

SoyDora · 12/08/2019 15:49

Under a year, so there is none of this angst. Always with a needle though

No angst here. DD (aged 5) asked, I said no.

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 12/08/2019 21:22

What?! Normal pierced ears? Have a word with yourself.

I genuinely don't think having metal attached enhances anybody.
I don't like jewelry and I especially cringe when people I know and love are wearing earrings. My daughter is naturally beautiful and the earrings add nothing.

rodentforce · 12/08/2019 21:28

DD is 9. I told her some time ago that she can get them done if she likes, but she doesn't want to.

Might have something to do with that time we were in Claire's and a little toddler was getting hers done. It was at a time when DD kept asking to get hers done and I said she was too young. I said, 'Look DD, this little girl is getting her ears pierced, come and watch!' Of course, the poor little girl screamed the place down and DD wasn't so keen after that 🤣🤣🤣

rodentforce · 12/08/2019 21:31

a) all my friends have (in which case saying yes is tantamount to saying peer pressure is worth risking infection and illness for)

Wanting to fit in with her friends is not the same as caving to peer pressure. We all do things to try to fit in. Fitting in is especially important for kids, trying to find their place in the world. I'm not suggesting you should let her get her ears done, but this is not a convincing argument.

CassianAndor · 12/08/2019 22:17

Wanting to fit in with her friends is not the same as caving to peer pressure

Sounds exactly the same to me. What’s the difference, exactly?

rodentforce · 13/08/2019 06:57

@CassianAndor Caving to peer pressure involves doing something you'd prefer not to do in order to avoid getting grief from peers (which would be a bad reason to get her ears pierced, I agree). From her point of view, she might just think having pierced ears would look nice, and if so she probably thinks that way because she's seen it on her friends. What we like and dislike can be influenced by the people around us. That's why people used to have avocado bathroom suites and Rachel haircuts, but no longer do. Deciding against having an avocado bathroom suite (and choosing something currently more fashionable) is a form of fitting in, but it's not caving to peer pressure if you actually want the fashionable one. It doesn't even feel like wanting to fit in, but it is, because that's the way our tastes in bathrooms are shaped.

It's a good thing to teach children to be assertive and resist pressure to do what they don't want to do. But fitting in is a skill too. As we get older we don't care as much about it, but it's more important for children an adolescents (there's empirical work on this, Sarah Jane Blakemore has written about it). They can assert themselves but remain open to influence by what other like in a healthy way.

jackstini · 13/08/2019 07:33

Dd 13 has just had hers done

With a needle, reputable piercing studio and they healed beautifully in 2 weeks (& was half the price of nasty high street gun place where her friends have had them done and gone manky!)

No pain, she said it made her feel a bit 'wobbly' but studio gave her a lolly to combat blood sugar drop

I would say senior school and when they are mature enough to do the aftercare and get earrings in and out safely and easily for PE

AuntieStella · 13/08/2019 07:39

Peak time round here is summer between primary and secondary school.

I really don't think that you can compare ear piercing to sex, smoking or drug taking as the life-time effects are completely different!

bellinisurge · 13/08/2019 07:47

Mine had hers done at 10 after much pestering and much refusing by me. . It turned out to be too much of a pain in the arse for her and she never uses them.
Which I would count as a result. If she brings it up again before she leaves home, I will obviously help her to get it done. Saying nothing until she raises the idea.

NavyBlueHue · 13/08/2019 07:49

Caving to peer pressure is doing something you DON’T WANT to just to fit in.

Wanting the same things your friends have or liking the same things is NOT peer pressure if you genuinely like or want it.

Socially we all do this. It’s only peer pressure when you’re doing something to fit in that you wouldn’t choose to do normally. If I like my friends handbag and want one for myself that’s not peer pressure. I want it!

Many many young girls want their ears pierced because they’ve seen others with it done and LIKE it and WANT it for themselves. Not peer pressure.

usernamerisnotavailable · 13/08/2019 11:52
  1. I really don't like them on children under teenage years.
M3lon · 13/08/2019 14:30

navy so your hypothesis is that people actually want to punch a hole in their ears, and that this is something they would want to do even if they weren't being constantly told it was an important part of looking good and that nothing is more important than looking good, and everyone else has done it so it must be good?

Because I don't think people do intrinsically want to punch holes in their ears, risk infection and put up with the pain.....

I think the ONLY reason people do it is to fit in and because they mistakenly have been told that their appearance is there single biggest asset and that dangling shit from their ears will somehow help with this.

One reason I believe this is that I don't see a lot of men around my place of work who have chosen to do this. If it was an intrinsic human desire, and not the product of the insane pressure on women to look ornamental first and foremost, then there would be equal ear piercing of men and women, boys and girls.

But there isn't. Not even slightly.

M3lon · 13/08/2019 14:37

auntie what of the life time effects of giving into peer pressure though? What of the life time effects of yet further reinforcing the message that appearance if of such value to girls and women that its worth risking your life for?

What of the effect on uptake of plastic surgery? What of the effect of lowering self esteem?

The idea that a girl/woman's body is not good enough without a whole swathe of improvements, modifications and cosmetic interventions is a powerful and extraordinarily damaging one. TBH, a bit of underage sex or the odd experiment with cannabis is likely less impactful in the long run......

Yerroblemom1923 · 13/08/2019 14:54

My dd was 10 and I'd explained it all to her and we went to a proper place to have it done (not Claire's)
I don't like to see little ones with pierced ears as they have no say in the matter and it's not a good look.
Why would you put your child through that?! When they're older you can explain it hurts and they have to look after the piercings and they can then decide for themselves if they still want to go through with it.

MrsMump · 13/08/2019 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CakeOrDeathh · 13/08/2019 15:04

My two kept asking at 4&6. I made them watch numerous videos of them being done. They still wanted it. At the start of the summer holidays I let them. Absolutely no issues with either of them as they knew what to expect. For PE they just covered them up with plasters themselves. Old enough to know not to fiddle with them and to wash hands before/after changing earrings. Four years on and all is still well.

CakeOrDeathh · 13/08/2019 15:06

Mind you, in the eyes of mumsnet I’m a terrible mother as I allowed my youngest to dye her hair last year as she had been asking since she could string a sentence together!

M3lon · 13/08/2019 15:07

cake you could have showed them videos of cosmetic surgery gone wrong...or videos of people explaining why looking pretty is such a toxic concept.

Just showing them the process is the least part of the damage that reinforcing beauty ideals does to children.

M3lon · 13/08/2019 15:11

My DD told me off for considering hair dyes the other day (I was thinking of a rebellious purple streak). She thinks her friends are bonkers for holes in ears and nail varnish for that matter. She is too polite to tell them that though...she just tells them she doesn't want to do those things to herself, but she likes theirs....

I'm sure she will turn into a pink glitter monster with an instapout at some point, but I really hope it isn't for another 5 years at least.

AwdBovril · 13/08/2019 15:13

DD (7) has been asking for 2 years. Currently she is allowed the clip-ons & stick-ons. DH & I have told her she will be allowed them pierced the summer holidays before senior school. But she to start demonstrating better care of herself & her things first - willingness to brush teeth without arguing, wash face as well as hands etc, putting dirty clothes in laundry basket instead of leaving them on the floor, etc. If we can't trust her to do those things, we can't necessarily trust her to keep a piercing clean.

CassianAndor · 13/08/2019 15:26

I'm wondering why it is that some girls ask for pierced ears at a young age and others don't. I haven't worn earrings for years so there's that, and it doesn't seem to be a thing especially at DD's school (like many fads and fashions, as far as I can tell. Benefit of no uniform?). One girl she's vaguely friendly with has had hers done recently but DD hasn't expressed any desire to follow suit.

reginafelangee · 13/08/2019 15:29

My opinion is 13. That's old enough to give informed consent. And to look after cleaning ears whilst healing.