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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow DS13 to lock his bedroom door

52 replies

Boysbeforeflowers · 10/08/2019 14:02

This really. I have two DS who are nearly 14. One of my DS has asked to be allowed to lock his bedroom door at times, presumably for some private time. I'm tempted to allow this, but people seem to think that it's unnatural and dangerous?

I had a lock on my room as a teen and I have one now, though I never use it. AIBU to not see much of a problem with this?

OP posts:
MountPheasant · 10/08/2019 14:07

I used to want a lock to stop my little sister coming in.

I think that as long as he agrees to always open it when asked (so he can’t lock himself away in a sulk) and to not lock it at night then yes- make it clear that, if he breaks either of these two rules, the lock will immediately go.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 10/08/2019 14:15

YANBU at all. He absolutely deserves some privacy.

Dahliachlo · 10/08/2019 14:19

YABU. Why do bedroom doors need locks?

Only bathroom doors lock in our house. We have an understanding though that if a bedroom door is closed, anyone wishing to enter must knock and receive a response first.

PixieLumos · 10/08/2019 14:23

Is it unnatural and dangerous to lock a bathroom door then? People are strange. YANBU.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 10/08/2019 14:24

Absolutely no need for locks on bedroom doors where there is mutual respect amongst family members. I don’t know any adult that does (apart from in a shared house maybe), never mind a child. People do need privacy, yes, which is why it’s important to learn manners and simply knock and wait for a response before going in. There is absolutely no need for anyone to lock themselves in their room. I would be wary as to his reasons.

Also if you do arrange a lock it does need to be easily break downable! What if he collapses for any reason and you can’t get to him?

Wolfiefan · 10/08/2019 14:28

He’s entitled to privacy but why does that need a lock? Knock on the door before entering.

WonderTweek · 10/08/2019 14:30

My brother and I always had locks on our doors. I was younger so my parents put a different lock on mine and it was one that you could quite easily open from the outside with a key or a screwdriver, so they could get in if they needed to but I had my privacy as no one could just burst into my room with no notice. I loved having a lock as I could freely dance in front of my mirror and not worry about anyone witnessing it. Grin

Fizzpopwhizzbang · 10/08/2019 14:30

Chances are he's just wanking, but I suppose you never know what could be going on. I think that unless you have concerns that something sinister is going on then it's probably fine.

I would rather just teach everybody to knock and wait for a response before entering someone's room, but every family is different.

MereDintofPandiculation · 10/08/2019 14:40

I don’t know any adult that does (apart from in a shared house maybe) A teenager is in that half-way stage - not an independent adult with his own household, or even an independent adult in a shared house, but not quite a child whose life revolves around his parents, with every aspect open to them.

Our DS, who never asked for a lock, were quite capable of erecting a barrier on the inside if they felt sufficiently annoyed with us. You might as well give him a key if he wants one. He may hardly ever use it, but it'll give the security of knowing he can have privacy if he wants it.

Equally, it's an indication that from now on parents and brother need to be knocking on his door before entering, and not going in if he's not there (and, of course, he needs to be responsible for cleaning and tidying his room).

Expressedways · 10/08/2019 14:47

A friend of mine almost died in a house fire as a teen. The fire started in his bedroom and he only survived because his brother was able to get in there quickly to drag him out. He spent months in hospital, had to have skin grafts and of he had been allowed a lock he’d likely be dead. No way would I allow this. Bathrooms are completely different because you’re not sleeping in there. He’s entitled to privacy but I’d reach everyone including younger siblings to knock.

HaileySherman · 10/08/2019 14:48

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I mean he's asking to lock it occasionally for ensured privacy. He's not asking to have it locked at all times to keep people out. I think it's a good sign that he asked and you should respect his request, unless or until being given a reason to not trust him having it locked. Sounds like you guys have some good, respectful communication going on. Denying him this may disrupt that.

CrazyToast · 10/08/2019 14:57

I was allowed a small lock when we were 14. Once I had a huge blow-up with my mum and locked her out. She kicked in the door lol. Good for her, she did not take my sh*t. Give him a small lock that you can bust in if you need to. Honestly I think it's just a teen-wanting-grownup-things stage, to want a bedroom lock.

gowgow · 10/08/2019 14:58

Let him have a lock, but one that can be opened from the outside in an emergency - like in hospitals.

LtJudyHopps · 10/08/2019 15:07

Do you have a habit of going in without knocking? My mum was like this and it drove me up the wall!
My dad however wouldn’t come in without knocking or calling out (if the door is shut).

sirfredfredgeorge · 10/08/2019 15:09

He shouldn't need a lock, but he absolutely needs privacy, and if a shut door is failing in the household, then yes he needs a lock, you probably need to work as a household on respecting everyones privacy a bit.

bouncingraindrops · 10/08/2019 15:15

Some people need a physical boundary. We have the rule that if the door is closed you don't walk in, but still I lock the door when I go to the bathroom. I suppose it's the same thing. I need to know nobody can just walk in, even though they never would. I can understand a teen wanting to lock their door.

moomoogalicious · 10/08/2019 15:19

YABU. Why do bedroom doors need locks?

You clearly don't have teens roaming the house at all hours. We have one on our bedroom door Grin

I can't see a problem with it, if that's what he wants. As long as you can open from the outside eg if he was sick in the night and you needed to get in

Jamhandprints · 10/08/2019 15:24

I would say no problem on the lock but not allow him to use the internet in threaten locked. You need to know that he's not talking to random people or being bullied or groomed or anything.

Jamhandprints · 10/08/2019 15:25

*there When not threaten!

BertrandRussell · 10/08/2019 15:30

I wouldn’t like locked doors in a family house. But we have a strict shut door means no going in rule from when they were very small.

Abstractedobstructed · 10/08/2019 15:30

I won't allow this (even on bathroom doors) in my house for safety reasons. Needing to get in if there's a fire, medical emergency, and self-harm / suicide spring to mind.
We do however knock and wait from about age 11 up.

BertrandRussell · 10/08/2019 15:31

“We do however knock and wait from about age 11 up.”

11 is much too old.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/08/2019 15:31

But if everyone knocks and waits to be allowed to enter then why would he need a lock?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/08/2019 15:32

I knock and wait for dd (7). I knock then enter for ds (4).

nokidshere · 10/08/2019 15:34

We have teens but no locks. We knock and wait for a reply as do they. But no I wouldn't let a young teen have a lock

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