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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To take a 5 month old on a girls' weekend to Paris

714 replies

Patapouf · 10/08/2019 12:53

Has anyone done this and has tips to make it less stressful? I know the baby will get nothing out of it but I am not ready to leave him at home with DH for 2 nights just yet and I'm desperate to make the most of mat leave.

Travelling by Eurostar, probably stay in an Airbnb. Planning a bit of sightseeing but mainly mooching about, sitting in cafés and stocking up on skincare and food or maybe not having seen the value of the pound Grin

Friends will be hands on and help as much as they can but I'm very anxious that it will be disastrous. Baby is BF (not going well), but mostly EBM so worrying about the logistics of expressing or BF out and about. I also can't imagine trying to manoeuvre a pram on the narrow pavements. I know babies live in Paris, I did too once, but I'm a worrier.

Can I make this work? How can I pack light?

I suppose my AIBU should really be how can I be less nervous about travelling with a baby?

OP posts:
Gatoadigrado · 10/08/2019 21:37

Actually I don’t think any of you should go OP; you don’t drink and you’re in bed by 9. Paris is wasted on you. Put your slippers on and invite the girlies over for cocoa

Benes · 10/08/2019 21:42

purple why is it bizarre to suggest she might leave her 5 month old baby overnight..... especially when that baby is being cared for by its father?? Nothing odd about that at all.

wigglybluelines · 10/08/2019 21:53

purple why is it bizarre to suggest she might leave her 5 month old baby overnight..... especially when that baby is being cared for by its father?? Nothing odd about that at all.

BECAUSE THE BABY IS EXCLUSIVELY BREASTFED!

Sorry to shout, but seriously people! You don't just leave an exclusively BF baby with anyone without boobs, if they're not used to it - unless there's a very good reason.

Reversiblesequinsforadults · 10/08/2019 21:53

I think you and your friends sound lovely,

confused? How do you come to that conclusion? All we have is one person posting on a forum and two other unknowns. Bizarre.

Because she's reacted by laughing at the abusive posters on here, which is exactly what needs to happen. I like her attitude. I think she's witty. And her friends? - if you can go on a girls' holiday to Ibiza with someone who is 5 months pregnant and have fun together then you know how to take care of your friends.

wigglybluelines · 10/08/2019 21:54

There is a good chance that an exclusively BF baby will be distressed and cry for their mother all night, if they're not used to them not being there.

Bluntness100 · 10/08/2019 22:02

It's always helpful to have MN as a sounding board, perhaps AIBU wasn't the appropriate forum

Agree, what's the point of asking a lot of mums, if their opinion simply pisses you off and you only want to have those mums that agree with uou,

Do your trip, if you've the stomach come back and update. But in future don't ask for our opinions if you don't want to hear it.

Bluntness100 · 10/08/2019 22:05

Sorry to shout, but seriously people! You don't just leave an exclusively BF baby with anyone without boobs, if they're not used to it - unless there's a very good reason.

I think we can only assume you're drunk. The baby is fed by bottle. With breast milk in a bottle, so no boobs required.

Have a coffee honey and then when you've sober up, come back to the thread,

Tellmetruth4 · 10/08/2019 22:07

Lol @Bluntness100!

Patapouf · 10/08/2019 22:14

@Bluntness100 did you conveniently skim over all my posts where I talk about BF? DS is breastfed, much to my chagrin that includes EBM in bottles but he has never gone more than 6 hours without latching to feed. I do not know, and I'm unsure whether I'm willing to test, how he would cope if he had to have every feed by bottle.

OP posts:
Patapouf · 10/08/2019 22:15

@Bluntness100 who says I'm pissed off? Bemused certainly but I'm not even close to being pissed off.

Except for the PP that told me to switch to formula bc DS is struggling with breastfeeding, I hold my hands up to being pissed off with him/her

OP posts:
wigglybluelines · 10/08/2019 22:16

No, not drunk. I read the thread. The OP is aiming not to be pumping at all by November.

"Ideally, we will be totally BF and I'll be able to ditch the pump"

Did you mean to be so rude? Oh. I just read your name, I guess so Hmm

Lazydaisies · 10/08/2019 22:18

Sorry to shout, but seriously people! You don't just leave an exclusively BF baby with anyone without boobs, if they're not used to it - unless there's a very good reason

Wiggly save yourself from the madness. A whole pile of people who know absolutely nothing about BF will be back to tell you how it is possible in a minute. They have been soooo helpful this whole thread.

Bluntness100 · 10/08/2019 22:18

Op, what do you want here? You've asked a load of mums their opinions. 16 million of us, some have responded. You dont like or agree with the responses that this is a terrible idea.

What do you want? Do you wish us to lie?

Gatoadigrado · 10/08/2019 22:19

@Bluntness100 ROFL Grin

FWIW my dc1 was EBF and she was with a childminder all day 3 days a week from 12 weeks which was very normal back in the day. Most of my mum friends continued to bf long term too after returning to work. That fact must blow some posters’ minds Grin My dd drank from a bottle to begin with but by 5 months preferred a sippy cup of breast milk.

No one is saying she must leave her child if she can’t cope with leaving him with his dad for a weekend, but it’s just plain incorrect to suggest you can’t leave a bf baby.

wigglybluelines · 10/08/2019 22:20

what's the point of asking a lot of mums, if their opinion simply pisses you off and you only want to have those mums that agree with uou

It's not just any old group of mums, though it is Bluntness?

It's AIBU. Which seems, these days, to be a collection of people who've arrived here from Daily Fail articles and people who are just here to stick the knife in and have a go at OPs. There are a lot of them in fact, and they tend to travel in packs!

I'd bet good money that if you looked at the percentage of actual mothers of young children on various MN boards, AIBU would come fairly low in comparison with some other boards here, which tend to be much more helpful and supportive.

in future don't ask for our opinions if you don't want to hear it

PMSL. Who made you queen bee of AIBU?

Bluntness100 · 10/08/2019 22:21
  • but it’s just plain incorrect to suggest you can’t leave a bf baby

I didn't suggest this. In fact you're agreeing with me?

Benes · 10/08/2019 22:25

The baby takes bottles. That's why it's not such a crazy idea to leave the baby with its father.

But hey, what do I know? Only been there and done that 🤷

Gatoadigrado · 10/08/2019 22:26

@bluntness100 - sorry, I am agreeing with you! Your post made me laugh!
I just think it’s hilarious how some women talk about never ever being able to leave a baby who’s bf, as if it’s some fundamental law of the universe, when in fact many of us very experienced mums have done it without tears and drama.

regularbutpanickingabit · 10/08/2019 22:28

Blimey, you’ve had an interesting set of responses!

Ok, so my first thought is that it’s really hard for your brain to jump ahead 2 months in a baby development at this age which makes it REALLY hard to have a clue how you, the baby, separation anxiety or your feeding is going to be.

How close to 6 months will the baby be? You may find you are close to starting on solids which is a whole other thing an harder than the breast/express thing to begin with. Easypeasy after a few weeks but daunting in anticipation like any new stage!

Your baby is more likely to be drinking/eating more in a sitting but in fewer sittings at that stage. Which means both ways could work... you will either need to express bigger but fewer number of bottles or you will be breastfeeding less often but hopefully more efficiently. It also means it’s easier to plan for if you decide to go away alone. You got upset when someone suggested formula - you may well find that formula is the answer in 2 months time regardless of how you plan it. I breastfed one to 17 months, one to 9 months and one to 5 months and not in that order - all weaned to formula or food when they were ready and definitely before I was ready! The 5 month old maybe was not getting what they needed from me but now I know them very well (they are 15 years old!) I now also think they were the type just to get on with the next stage as soon as possible. So just be open to whatever the next 2 months brings. Very hard to plan.

If you take the baby, then you’ve had lots of good advice around pushchair/sling/pop up cots go. Again, remember that the baby will be a lot more robust in 2 months than they feel now. Same goes for sleeping/awake time. I loved taking babies on holiday but personally found the infant stage easier than the on-the-cusp-of-walking and early toddler stage. You will know your own child... if they like some stimulation but are happy in a pushchair/sling and happy to sleep outside then it’s a fab time to take them. If they are a creature of habit who hates change then leaving them home might kindest, even if you aren’t there.

Remember to pack comfort toys, music (if they like that) and easy clothes. Sounds like your friends aren’t going for partying so no need to worry about that. More about the sleep thing. Just try and keep the baby up from 2/3pm onwards for a 7/8pm bedtime or a similar gap at a later time depending on your plans. Take a lavender bath thing too, to encourage sleep.

Ok, that’s all about taking the baby. The next thing to know is that it is ok to go without him. He’s only 3 months old and that is so tiny. You can’t imagine him
Not needing you 34/7. But he will grow so much in the next 2 months and his hourly needs will rightly change and evolve. You may find that you don’t feel as protective or as uncertain without him by then or you may still feel the same. BOTH ARE NORMAL FEELINGS!!!

My personal suggestion is to say yes to the trip but don’t commit either way with the baby. Use the next 2 months to work on the feeding stuff and to get your dh a little more involved here and there on stuff you may unconsciously do yourself every day.

Your friends sound great and they obviously just want you there, baby or not. If that’s the case then make a decision much much nearer the time and enjoy planning Paris shopping AND being with your baby in the meantime.

MsTSwift · 10/08/2019 22:31

I don’t see much sticking in of knives. Just for most of us “girls trip to paris” conjures up adult freedom time not struggling about with slings and buggies on your own as the only one with a baby. If ops situation is different fine but for most of us taking a baby on such a trip would be suboptimal for everyone, op, baby and the friends who, whatever they may say, are clueless about what having a baby there will actually mean for their short trip

Nottheduchess · 10/08/2019 22:32

We took our baby to Paris when he was 3 months, that was with his dad though, I would never inflict that on my friends no matter how much I wanted to go.

wigglybluelines · 10/08/2019 22:34

I don’t see much sticking in of knives

Really? You don't see all the "your friends will hate you" posts as sticking in knives? I do.

Winginit73 · 10/08/2019 22:35

If your friends genuinely want you there it could work. My friend came on my 40th trip with a baby a similar age, we all wanted her there and most of us had breastfed so understood it's not always easy or desired to leave a baby behind. Also babies are at their most portable pre weaning! A separate room is a necessity and a sling as well as a pram would help. You may have to hit the hotel at times by yourself but there's no reason why you shouldn't still enjoy Paris. I imagine a lot of Parisian women get around with a baby in tow!

Mycatisthebest · 10/08/2019 22:45

Why would you do this?

AgnesNutterWitch · 10/08/2019 22:47

My goodness, a lot of mountains out of molehills here.

You've already established that your friends are fine with it, so take the baby. I've done city breaks in other major European cities when DD was 4 months and 6 months respectively. Combo fed but predominantly breast. Absolutely no hassle.

Paris metro isn't the most pram accessible but you can always use a sling. A four month old is very portable and will nap on the go, Paris is full of lovely places to stop for a coffee if you get tired. Take a backpack with changing stuff and a portable fold up mat (like someone else said, not everywhere is great for baby changing facilities). Presumably you're on a fairly chilled schedule and you'll have a hotel room to go back to if the pace gets hectic.

Have fun, enjoy the trip and don't over think it.

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