To have boundaries in a relationship over porn?

[Moveandlonsters]

I spoke to my DP tonight about porn. I told him I don’t like or agree with the industry, and that my personal boundary was I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone who watched it.

He of course is free to not want a relationship with someone who has that boundary.

Anyway, the conversation got heated and I’m left wondering if AIBU?

I think it is ok to not want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't share your values, but I'm uncomfortable with directing a partner's behaviour.

I think the tricky thing is if you have a lengthy relationship where porn has been acceptable previously (or you haven't previously been clear it was a deal breaker issue). You are acting like he has the choice to stop watching porn or break up, bit you could equally choose to accept his porn use or break up.

You're allowed to feel that way and he's allowed to be unhappy about it. I personally don't think it's too much to ask.

This is tough because while not all men watch porn, all men who want to watch porn watch it. By that I mean, some men naturally aren't interested but there's no man out there that likes porn but whose wife told him not to watch, so he restrains himself out of respect for her/women generally. Would never happen.

So if your DH likes porn, he's watching it. End of. Clearly he does or his response would have been "OK well lucky I don't like it anyway".

Of course it's up to you if you want to break up over this, you can end a relationship for any reason.