To ask how you would react to this?

[foreverandeveramen]

Had loose plans to meet up with 2 friends and their DC, no firm plans arranged but agreed to do something together.

Friends busy in the AM so they send their DC - 8, 9 and 12 to be with my DC at my house. They are excited about seeing them as not seen them in a while.

I'm sick but drag myself out of the house to buy hot dogs. While I'm upstairs friend's DC repeatedly tramp in and out of the house into raining muddy garden with shoes on via patio door over my cream carpet.

There is repeated door slamming, over and over again which I have to keep asking them to stop.

I give them food. Someone later announces the 12 year old has knocked over her orange juice on my cream carpet, although he hasn't actually let me know he's done this.

8 year old (not mine) repeatedly wanders into mine and DH's bedroom where we are sick and says she wants to relax in here with us (?!) I send her out, DH is sick in bed!!

At around 2.30 the three of them announce to my DC (who are 9 and 10) that they are all off to the cinema without them. I am still upstairs, they say nothing to me but I hear the door go and my dog running off down the street.

I call the children back and the 12 year old declares they are all going home. It's about a 10 minute walk and the 8 year old has never been allowed to walk home before while under my care so I ask them all to come back in the house while I call their mother to find out what's going on.

My 9 year old is now crying about not going to the cinema and the others announcing that they are going without her.

I call friend to clarify the situation re: cinema. She confirms that yes they've booked tickets to go without me and my DC so basically I've just provided a drive-by lunch before they pop off to the cinema without us.

What would your reaction be?

I can't believe people are saying you should have been watching them the whole time when they are 8, 9, 10 and 12. That's plenty old enough to entertain themselves in a group without creating havoc. And there is absolutely NO excuse for a 12-year-old not to immediately come running for a cloth and apologise if they spill something.

As for the cinema business: your friends are arseholes. They should have invited you and your DCs to the cinema with them, and if not, they should have at least explained that they were taking them to the cinema that afternoon so you knew what the score was from the start and could have had a chance to say no to the playdate.

I hope you feel better soon, btw. Summer colds are rotten.

Thanks for asking for an update.

I disinvited their DC from a previously arranged activity hosted by me as I didn't want to host them again after this behaviour and send a message that it was fine to behave however they liked and I'd just keep on extending hospitality like a mug.

Both mothers apologised. I have seen one for a cup of tea and all is fine with her.

The other doesn't appear to want to see me again so will be returning home without us meeting up on this visit.

I feel a mixture of guilt over leaving their children out and resolution that a boundary was drawn. I am trying to be far less of a mug than I used to be. I hope the guilty feeling will subside.

I also feel guilty about kicking off on their holiday over here. But this is also my only week off work all summer, which me and my DC deserve to enjoy.

And as a friend pointed out manners are intrinsic, you don't get to leave them behind because you're on holiday.

forever stop the guilt. They were all rude and excluding. You handled it well, it is likely that friendship was coming to an end anyway if they were happy to go out without you on that day. You have done the right thing (apart from have cream carpets, obviously).

Well done op.

Don't feel guilty. Honestly you've done nothing wrong and the mum who can't face you - well it says more about her frankly.

Have a lovely rest of the holidays

Well done lass.

You definitely should be enjoying your week off.

Are you able to share what the mothers were busy doing in the AM?

I don't blame you for your perspective on this. You've been used for no benefit to you and I'm completely staggered you and your DC weren't invited to the cinema. Was any reason given?

You got an apology.

Did you get an explanation?