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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you would react to this?

84 replies

foreverandeveramen · 08/08/2019 20:39

Had loose plans to meet up with 2 friends and their DC, no firm plans arranged but agreed to do something together.

Friends busy in the AM so they send their DC - 8, 9 and 12 to be with my DC at my house. They are excited about seeing them as not seen them in a while.

I'm sick but drag myself out of the house to buy hot dogs. While I'm upstairs friend's DC repeatedly tramp in and out of the house into raining muddy garden with shoes on via patio door over my cream carpet.

There is repeated door slamming, over and over again which I have to keep asking them to stop.

I give them food. Someone later announces the 12 year old has knocked over her orange juice on my cream carpet, although he hasn't actually let me know he's done this.

8 year old (not mine) repeatedly wanders into mine and DH's bedroom where we are sick and says she wants to relax in here with us (?!) I send her out, DH is sick in bed!!

At around 2.30 the three of them announce to my DC (who are 9 and 10) that they are all off to the cinema without them. I am still upstairs, they say nothing to me but I hear the door go and my dog running off down the street.

I call the children back and the 12 year old declares they are all going home. It's about a 10 minute walk and the 8 year old has never been allowed to walk home before while under my care so I ask them all to come back in the house while I call their mother to find out what's going on.

My 9 year old is now crying about not going to the cinema and the others announcing that they are going without her.

I call friend to clarify the situation re: cinema. She confirms that yes they've booked tickets to go without me and my DC so basically I've just provided a drive-by lunch before they pop off to the cinema without us.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
redredvino · 08/08/2019 21:19

Mmmm not great that you just put yourself in your bedroom and leave them to their own devices, I'm surprised there wasn't more falling out tbh.

Topseyt · 08/08/2019 21:20

Yes, I would be angry, but children of that mix of ages do need some supervision even though they aren't exactly toddlers. They can still be very spontaneous, impetuous and thoughtless, especially in a group like that where they might egg each other on with the running in and out etc.

You weren't really fit to provide the necessary supervision so as I'm sure you now realise, it would have been better to cancel the visit. Your "friends" sound like cheeky fuckers anyway, and may have just used you for free child minding and free lunch, so nip that in the bud.

Morgan12 · 08/08/2019 21:21

Have you asked why you and DC weren't invited to the cinema?

AlwaysCheddar · 08/08/2019 21:21

Really nasty friends.

Flupibass · 08/08/2019 21:21

Massive communication breakdown between you and your friends. Sadly it seems like they used you and didn’t treat you like friends should.

Topseyt · 08/08/2019 21:21

If your kids hope to go to the cinema then tell them that it can be done in a few days as a family, or just you and them, when you and DH are feeling better.

hereforasillygoosetime · 08/08/2019 21:24

Not nice I'd be really upset.

Outnotdown · 08/08/2019 21:24

Yanbu op, your friends used you and then ditched you. Did you ask why they didn't include you in the cinema booking? I'd be livid. And hurt.

Original poster
foreverandeveramen · 08/08/2019 21:24

Yes I asked and they said they booked tickets that morning and that we could meet them after they had finished the cinema if we really wanted to.

If they had just told us they had other plans today and arranged something for another day that would be fine, it would have suited me in fact.

I don't mind that they booked cinema without us but I mind that the DC announced it in front of my Dd who cried and didn't understand why she'd been left out and it was me left trying to explain it when I couldnt really.

OP posts:
Nearlyalmost50 · 08/08/2019 21:31

I can't believe anyone is blaming you! Totally outrageous and really rude (as well as worrying) that they just ran out- and leaving you lot out of the cinema even worse! As you say, drive-by lunch provided by you, no friends to see you, really bad behaviour all round.

itswinetime · 08/08/2019 21:34

Hold on a min 3 people make plans to do something on a set day 2 people the arrange to do something without the third person on the same day? No discussion just arranged without them and it’s the person left out that is wrong?? Have I woken up in a strange parallel mumsnet!

It only adds insult to injury that the op was used as free childcare for the morning!

I would be really hurt op and I would reevaluate my ‘friendship’ with these people

Funghi · 08/08/2019 21:35

Is the dog ok?

caballerino · 08/08/2019 21:39

my Dd who cried and didn't understand why she'd been left out

Tbf, I can't understand that either. It just sounds like a really shitty thing to do.

Original poster
foreverandeveramen · 08/08/2019 21:40

"Is the dog ok?"

The dog is fine, thank. you. Grin

Obviously some people will think it's my fault for having a dog in the first place. And a cream carpet. And some orange juice. And a garden. And a front door. And a nine year old..

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/08/2019 21:42

I can't believe anyone is blaming you! Totally outrageous and really rude (as well as worrying) that they just ran out- and leaving you lot out of the cinema even worse! As you say, drive-by lunch provided by you, no friends to see you, really bad behaviour all round.

Hold on a min 3 people make plans to do something on a set day 2 people the arrange to do something without the third person on the same day? No discussion just arranged without them and it’s the person left out that is wrong?? Have I woken up in a strange parallel mumsnet!

All of the above!

Your friends behaved really shiftily by dropping out of a pre-arranged adults-and-children morning because "they were busy". They should have been busy meeting up with you!

Send them the bill for the carpet and if anything similar happens again tell them to f*ck off!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/08/2019 21:43

Obviously some people will think it's my fault for having a dog in the first place. And a cream carpet. And some orange juice. And a garden. And a front door. And a nine year old.

Well . . . . I did wonder . . . but I was too polite to say anything.

Grin
Butterymuffin · 08/08/2019 21:45

Your friends were shitty, thoughtless and rude. They should have asked if you wanted to do the cinema too when booking in the morning, given that they were seeing you that day, and sending the kids for you to look after beforehand beggars belief. Do you honestly like these people, or did you like them a long time ago before they became tossers? Do they have form for behaving like this?

MissClareRemembers · 08/08/2019 21:46

Yes I asked and they said they booked tickets that morning and that we could meet them after they had finished the cinema if we really wanted to. How unbelievably rude of them!

In these circumstances I would definitely send a bill for the carpet cleaning. They’re not bothered about you (apart from providing free childcare and lunch) so fuck ‘em.

user1471449295 · 08/08/2019 21:48

It’s a fucking piss take

MrsMozartMkII · 08/08/2019 21:49

Can your 'friends' not see how shitty they've been?

Nosavingshere · 08/08/2019 21:49

Both sets of children accompanied their parents to the cinema so from that point of view you weren’t able to accompany your children therefore you weren’t included in the cinema outing. It’s a shabby thing to do especially when you had provided free room and board all morning

Troels · 08/08/2019 21:51

You have to say something, heartless the pair of them. They also need to cover the cleaning costs. What rubbish friends they are

Coffeeandcherrypie · 08/08/2019 21:51

Ugh they’re knobs. Please just say no in future.

Original poster
foreverandeveramen · 08/08/2019 21:51

"Both sets of children accompanied their parents to the cinema so from that point of view you weren’t able to accompany your children therefore you weren’t included in the cinema outing. "

I was perfetly able to accompany them to the cinema. I ended up taking my DC swimming instead (stting in the cafe with a cup of coffee while they swim is about as much effort as sitting at the cinema).

OP posts:
Yabbers · 08/08/2019 21:55

I’d be rethinking my friendship.

And yes, reflecting that cream carpets + dog + kids was a bad idea.

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