To want to cancel my holiday

[Fattytumtum]

We go on holiday in 2 weeks and I should be really excited but I just want to cancel the holiday and stay at home.

It sounds so stupid but I haven’t lost that weight I’m always hoping to lose and no amount of reading positive mumsnet threads or articles will make my misery about it stop. I keep looking at celebrity weights and just wishing I was better- less lazy, more toned, had a nice tummy, was seen as having a good figure.

I know it isn’t all about weight at all but out of curiosity (and to see if it is my body dysmorphia playing up)- what weight (I’m 5ft 5) do you think I’d have to be to look slim on the beach?

Thanks for listening to my silly rant 💛

Also, I have spent a fair bit of time on nude beaches and at nudist clubs. I still think they are one of the best cures for 'normal' body anxiety that there is. There are fat people, skinny people, old people, people with major scarring all over their bodies - and all of them are having fun. If, as PP have suggested, you have more serious dysmorphia or ED, then this won't necessarily fix you, but as a general thing, being naked in the company of other naked people is a great way of losing the silly idea that only thin, young, fashionably-accessorized bodies are 'acceptable.

If you're feeling self conscious in a bikini or standard swimming costume then it might be worth having a look at some swim dresses.

I think they're great for areas such the tummy and top of thighs. Lots of them have ruffles/patterns and are really flattering!

I agree with @DidntAskToBe.
Perhaps seek some counselling,MN is not the place for you to keep posting for kind remarks.
You know you are not overweight,yet by claiming to be so,how do you think others feel who may genuinely be carrying extra pounds they don't want.?
Imho it's plain attention seeking,sorry.

Don't cancel the holiday. Read/follow Bryony Gordon - she has done wonders for me and many others in making it very clear that it doesn't matter.

I went on hols this year weighing 2 stone more than I ever have. I wore a bikini. I felt fat. I looked fatter but I did not give a flying fook. I enjoyed the holiday with my children who didn't care what I looked Like.
Enjoy urself. U only live once

You've probably made the mistake of thinking that thin = beautiful. Not helped by threads about people surviving on dangerously low calorie counts. Have you heard of Red Shoe? If not, look them up on Facebook. I've nicked this from their page.

It's not really about weight as such, but I think that at 5ft 5, 11stone would be fine. Or at least I would be ok with that. I was 10 stone on my honeymoon and felt good (although there will always be someone thinner/more glamorous around). If you don't feel comfortable in a bikini, then why not wear a swimsuit and or a kaftan?

When I was in my 20s I measured 34-24-36 and every holiday I went on I was miserable, worrying about being fat, and were my hips too big, on and on, beating myself up, just never enjoying myself. Now I am old and fat, and yes, I wish I was young a s slim, but i’m not, but I don’t want to waste any more precious time caring about whether some stranger on the beach is criticising me. I see people with better figures, I see people with worse figures. Very few of us are models. Just enjoy yourself. Life is short.

Tighnabruaich, that’s me too! I wish I was as “fat”now as I thought I was now!

Just read the thread more fully. Have you tried listening to The Calm app? Also, just try to think about something else? Don't engage or seek validation. It will only feed your disorder. If you find yourself obsessing about it, you need to fill your time up more. Voluntary work/reading/learning to play an instrument. Trying to reassure yourself will only end up with you locked in a battle. You need to end this thread now and find something else to do!

Go enjoy your holiday. The only person judging you is you!

Nobody else really cares about your figure, they are too busy enjoying their hard earned holiday to notice another holidaymaker on the beach. You will never see them again anyway so who cares.

I usually lose weight with all the walking I do sightseeing for hours daily.
You may come back thinner than before! Just be sensible with high calorie foods obv, like fried foods, cheese, mayo, butter croissants etc, go walking (take sensible footwear) and swimming and mind n get your nails done and your legs defurred before you go so you feel you’re making the best of yourself and have a great time.

I used to worry so much about this sort of thing.... then one day it dawned on me that I could just swan along and look however the fuck I looked and no-one would give a shit at all. I may have taken it too far to the other extreme now; I went to collect DS1 from holiday club in a knee-length dress with unshaven legs (proper lengthy stubble). I just didn't fucking care. It's very freeing, do try it if you can

Op we all have our hang ups whatever our weight. I’m 5’3” and around 8 stone (size 6-8) and I still see all the bits I don’t like. The first year I had to take my wheelchair to the beach I thought everyone would be staring or judging, and I couldn’t help feeling like yeah, disability just isn’t sexy. But honestly no one was looking, and I gave my head a wobble, and I was just grateful to be getting a holiday. So this year me, my wheelchair, and my bikini are going on holiday, and it’s going to be lovely!

I go on holiday tomorrow, I'm still 2 stone overweight and I'm apple shape so literally look like I'm 6 months pregnant.

I swore on New Years Day that I wouldn't be overweight on holiday this year - much easier to say than do though!

I was thinking to not drink on holiday/do low carb etc but you know what, it cost a fortune I want to enjoy myself for 2weeks.

It's too late now to change anything but I have done a last minute mercy dash to Next to buy some nice size 14 dresses and swimwear to wear and be comfy in instead of trying to squeeze myself into size 12 and feel uncomfortable.

I am going to try and jump on the diet wagon when I'm back.

Plus the only person who I care who judges me is my husband and to be frank he hasn't exactly got into top shape either!

There will always be people thinner than you and people fatter than you. Don’t spoil what could be a lovely holiday for you and your family by giving what you look like so much head space. What’s important is having a kind and loving personality, not what you look like!!

@Fattytumtum I posted a thread 2 weeks ago saying I wasn't going on holiday as DP was being an arse. I'm on day 10 in Tenerife and very glad we called a truce and I came. Yes he's still a bit of an arse but we've all had a good time.
Add in to the mix I'm a self confessed fatty but at 5'1" and a size 20 I've still strutted my stuff in a bikini. Nobody died or even batted an eyelid and now my wobbly stretch marked tummy is lovely and brown!
Go and enjoy your holiday xx

OP, you seem to have become terribly self obsessed. Why does it matter so much to you what you look like? It’s the least important thing about you, and nobody else will care.
They’re all too busy, either worrying about their own appearance, or actually having a fun holiday. How about joining the latter group for a change?
Focus on having a nice time with your family, occupy your mind with entertaining your DC or your DP, rather than putting a damper on everything by whinging about your looks.
God loves you for your soul, not your body. Your family love you for your personality and good qualities, not your body. Start loving yourself too! Now get off on that holiday and have a super time. That’s an order! Best wishes.

I just wanted to jump back on this thread to say thank you.

I know a mumsnet thread won’t ‘fix’ dysmorphia and I know some of you think this thread can’t of helped me, but it has made a difference. The kind, inspirational but no nonsense advice has made me determined to stop obsessing and focus on other things and my family.

Onto the holiday mumsnet ‘holiday prep list’- beach dress, manicure and pedicure and some killer sandals 😊. Thank you all

Glad you are feeling a little better OP. That will be your strong and beautiful mind fighting back.

Just remember that you have no obligation to be physically beautiful. We are not decorations and have many other important roles on holiday.

I look at beautiful stars on the beaches and am full of admiration but see myself as more a character actor.

I’m an 18/20, and start a diet every Monday!

I’m now embracing it, have some well fitting costumes and am going to just enjoy myself with my kids and pack some floaty dresses

Who called themselves fattytumtum.... You may have more deeply residing issues regarding your body image. Please get some.help

Honestly, I've come back from Greece and I wasn't 'beach body ready' whatever that is, and no one gave two hoots about me, or anyone around them. Everyone is just there to relax and enjoy their time away.
I promise you, they won't be studying you or even glancing at you and they most certainly won't care how you look.
Please don't let this ruin your holiday. It honestly is the smallest part of what your holiday enjoyment should be about.

@1Wildheartsease what a lovely message- thank you!

Reporting back, I have embraced ‘me’ and bought:

• 2 new swimsuits (so I don’t need to look at my tummy all day) and I actually love them!
• a new pool dress in bold colours (orange and blue)
• some new wedges to rock by the pool (slight splurge but they do wonders for my legs)
• a gorgeous holiday photo album to remind myself that this holiday is about making memories for our family and not just me 😊

Thank you

@Fattytumtum that's a lovely update! I'm so pleased that you're embracing "you"! I'm currently sat at the airport for the flight home and wishing I could do the whole 2 weeks over again!!
Have a fabulous holiday with your family and look forward to an update when you get back xxx