To want to cancel my holiday

[Fattytumtum]

We go on holiday in 2 weeks and I should be really excited but I just want to cancel the holiday and stay at home.

It sounds so stupid but I haven’t lost that weight I’m always hoping to lose and no amount of reading positive mumsnet threads or articles will make my misery about it stop. I keep looking at celebrity weights and just wishing I was better- less lazy, more toned, had a nice tummy, was seen as having a good figure.

I know it isn’t all about weight at all but out of curiosity (and to see if it is my body dysmorphia playing up)- what weight (I’m 5ft 5) do you think I’d have to be to look slim on the beach?

Thanks for listening to my silly rant 💛

I think you need to go back to therapy, OP. The fact that you want to cancel your holiday and sometimes not go out because of your perceived flaws is not normal.

It won't matter to you whether you're big or small because your problems run much deeper than that. Please get help.

@Zoflorabore how lovely of your dad and your description was so great I can picture you on holiday rocking it 🤩

I think you probably need some help with your issues - it's really not normal to seriously consider cancelling your family holiday ( and a bit selfish- does your family not deserve their break?)
I do understand how you can loose sight of what's really important - lovely holiday with your family- against a worry of the perception of how you look to others- but believe me no one else really gives a toss how you look. From what pp say it seems that you aren't overweight , the usual bugbear of the beach/pool holiday, so grit your teeth, think of your family and enjoy your holiday.

Honestly, if You're at a healthy weight it's all in your head - try looking in the mirror every day and say to yourself with a smile "you look beautiful today" it needs to be said out loud otherwise it doesn't work but you will feel better every day

@handslikecowstits

Bit of a cross post - totally agree

Believe me that even the people you think should be body confident will have their own insecurities. I realised a few years ago that my kids won’t remember whether I had a bit of a tummy or some cellulite on our holidays, they’ll remember me going down the water slides with them and all the fun we have.

Try and find accessories (sarongs , swimming costume or whatever) and enjoy yourself!

@DidntAskToBe

People - the OP is not overweight

To be fair, she hasn't claimed to be and lots of people replying aren't either. I'm not sure why you're feeling the need to police this thread?

Take the phrase "body dysmorphia" and flush it right down the crapper like the bullshit it is. Let's not legitimize the self-hatred that anyone else tries to push on you. Go feel the sun on your skin and live your one beautiful life.

My toddler has cellulite, doesn't seem to stop him streaking about the place!

I'm the heaviest and least toned I've been in my adult life (thanks to the toddler) but also the most confident. Enjoy your holiday OP, and get some support when you are back.

OP Stop looking at the celebrity magazines!!!!!!

Surely you know it is all air brushed and plastic surgery by now.

Real people have cellulite, baby tummies, saggy boobs, no boobs, bingo wings, frizzy hair and all the rest.

Get a good spray tan, get some swimwear that you feel comfortable in. Big shades, big hat, and some nice beach dresses/wraps a bit of lip gloss and go and have fun!!!!

I am the wrong side of 40 and I am not missing my holiday for anything.

Fake confidence, walk with confidence and be happy that your lovely body is fit and healthy enough that you are alive and well, and can enjoy holidays and life.

You will look back and wonder what you were worried about.

Have a great holiday!

I used to feel that way, too. OP. Age has helped kill some of my vanity, lol. Now my attitude is "If you don't like the way I look, then you can just fucking look the other way!".

But what really helped it this: Remember that all these people on the beach are strangers and chances are they're not even looking at you. But if they are, who cares? They have no influence on you, your job, your life so their opinions mean less than nothing. And you will in all likelihood never see them again once the holiday is over.

I get it, i used to constantly compare myself to other women, hate my body, hide under my sarong...but I still enjoyed my holiday and my time with my family making memories. It did eventually click for me and I said I will never have another holiday feeling like that and my fitness journey began! And I've never looked back.

For now though get a lovely shapewear swimsuit. A few pretty sarongs or beach dresses and just enjoy your holiday. Honestly everyone is too busy having fun to be looking at you. You are the only one that's bothered so don't let it spoil your fun.

Just wear a nice swimsuit, I never wear a bikini

Like @catgirl1976 I’m 5ft 6 and just under 14 stone. And I too am the heaviest I’ve ever been (as my mum commented several times recently, hmmm). BUT the bikini is non-negotiable on holiday. Every year I think it may be the last but honestly all shapes and sizes are happily letting it hang out! That first time the kaftan comes off is scary then literally seconds later you realise absolutely no one is paying you any attention! I’m going on holiday in 6 weeks time and of course am doing the usual last minute diet but I’ll be enjoying myself no matter what.

Op, so you are not currently receiving support because you are a healthy weight?

Huge congratulations. So many of us cannot say that.

What looks best on holiday is people having a lovely time. Relaxing with those they love or enjoy time with. Feeling the warmth of the sun in the sand, and luxuriating in the cool pool.

The Universe loves you when you are on your hol. Bask in it and you will glow.

Come on. Even princes Diana had cellulite. It's not all about you. It not sexy to be obsessed. Nobody cares, honestly. Do some yoga to get out of your head, swimming will be great. Have a lovely time.

I know how you feel OP however, i'm in my 50s and the number of times I have looked at and judged another persons body on the beach is precisely zero times.

Get yourself on holiday and be happy - that's what people notice, nothing nicer to see than happiness.

I get like this I was. Size 12 and have always been 8-10 and I had cellulite
Been a miserable few months dieting and doing painful cellulite massage. It’s worked but I’m not happy

Body dysmorphia is a thing though lets not be so flippant about it-i think you need more therapy for your mind not your weight you clearly arent happy with yourself whatever weight

Oh and it’s going to rain where we are going next week so I’ve missed out on nice food for .....nothing

Body dysmorphia sucks. Have you thought about wearing something you’d be more comfortable in? My younger DD has ASD and loathes the feel of suncream. So she wears an spf 50 rash guard long sleeve top plus surfing board shorts as her swim suit. I thought she would really stand out but lots of teens and adults were wearing these types of things now that sun protection and modest fashion are a trend.

I understand you. I’ve wasted too many years and not worn a bikini ( since 1974 aged 16) and now I’m 62 with some regrets. I think I’ve had that body dys thing , I’ve never been bigger than. 12/14 but even size 10 ( yes on chicken, brown rice and having the fun sucked out of life with no food treats!) I was still uncomfortable with my stomach, cankles etc
The silly thing thing is that, I’m absolutely sure that if I was attracted to women not men, it would be a curvy lady that would catch my eye , not a skinny straight up down girl.
Be brave, go for it.

Pretty much every woman will end up with some cellulite at some point, it’s to do with our connective tissue. It’s not a personal failing!
The beauty / cosmetic surgery industry has convinced us it’s something that needs to be fixed when it is just life.
And stop looking at Instagram. If you need to give your head a wobble go look at instagramreality on reddit for a mind detox.

Please just take yourself to the beach and admire the feast of amazing of body shapes before you. Having said that, I am body conscious. I'll wear a costume or tankini because of scars and stoma. my MIL (aged 79 with large operation scars) just gets it all out there.

Please don't cancel the holiday and please, while you are there, think of your family and don't spoil it for them by whining and sulking about your weight. I know it's not your fault that you are a victim of this disgusting, woman-hating, body-shaming culture, but do bear in mind that, when you give in to the bullshit, you are quite often making other people suffer, too.