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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to cancel my holiday

100 replies

Fattytumtum · 08/08/2019 17:48

We go on holiday in 2 weeks and I should be really excited but I just want to cancel the holiday and stay at home.

It sounds so stupid but I haven’t lost that weight I’m always hoping to lose and no amount of reading positive mumsnet threads or articles will make my misery about it stop. I keep looking at celebrity weights and just wishing I was better- less lazy, more toned, had a nice tummy, was seen as having a good figure.

I know it isn’t all about weight at all but out of curiosity (and to see if it is my body dysmorphia playing up)- what weight (I’m 5ft 5) do you think I’d have to be to look slim on the beach?

Thanks for listening to my silly rant 💛

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 08/08/2019 18:12

Well I just lost over 2lb in two weeks by cutting down massively on crap. Not just for the hols but it was creeping on and it was middle aged spread!!
I always wear a bikini on hols though - I’m taking 2 and one tankini too - I have scars etc which are prob ‘worse’ than the weight but I don’t care. I just won’t stand next to dd who has a figure to die for 😂
At 5ft5 I’d say 9st was slim but massively depends on weight distribution etc.

LagunaBubbles · 08/08/2019 18:18

Are you getting help for your disorder OP?

Original poster
Fattytumtum · 08/08/2019 18:21

Thank you this is all helping- I may buy the beach tunic @Sparadrap as it sounds great and @Croquembou I love that you had the best time because you didn’t care 💛.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fattytumtum · 08/08/2019 18:22

@LagunaBubbles I’m not in treatment (and haven’t been for a while) as currently a healthy weight- it’s just my head won’t let me be happy :-(

OP posts:
Brideof2020 · 08/08/2019 18:23

OP you're on holiday with no one you know (apart from the people you're going with) nobody will care what you look like. No one will probably even notice you. I felt a bit like you when I went away this year, first time in a long time, first time after body changes after having kids, honestly it was fine.

Quartz2208 · 08/08/2019 18:24

OP there is no point saying a weight as I suspect you are so caught up in this that it doesnt matter.

Its your perception of it and the fact that no one is going to notice at all because most people are having fun on the beach

Also weight is immaterial

ALittleBitAlexis · 08/08/2019 18:25

I don't know anything about ideal weights, but I have to say: DON'T CANCEL YOUR HOLIDAY!

Take the worst case scenario, you look like Donald Trump in a wig. Does that mean you don't deserve to relax, get some sun and spend quality time with your friends or loved ones? Of course not! (And I bet you don't look like the same species as Trump).

If you have to, wear a swimming costume, a t-shirt over your bikini or a rash vest and shorts (that's what I wear because of sun sensitivity). But don't restrict your life experiences because of your weight. I guarantee that nobody else gives the tiniest little shit.

WyfOfBathe · 08/08/2019 18:26

PreDC, I was a regular gym-goer with toned stomach. I felt anxious in a bikini because I was focused on not looking perfect enough, and comparing myself to friends with perfect abs or very thin waists. Looking back at photos, I'm sure anyone else who saw me would have thought I looked slim, but I would have thought I looked bad no matter how much weight I lost.

Last summer I spent most of the summer on a beach in a bikini. I hadn't worked out properly in a couple of years and I'd had a baby 6 months before and definitely not lost the baby weight. I didn't even think about what my stomach looked like after the first day or two because I was too busy with family.

I don't think there's a certain weight at which you'll start to feel good about you body (sorry!) It's more about how you feel more generally.

DidntAskToBe · 08/08/2019 18:27

OP. It's dishonest of you to let others believe you are overweight and give you lots of kind advice, when actually you know you are slim.

I understand you have a history of ED. I understand then that you have a disordered view of your body, BUT I do not believe you don't know that 9 stone is slim or that you body measurements are of a slim persons. Most people with EDs have an obsessive knowledge of size, weight, calories etc.

I have sympathy for you with your ED, but I don't think posting on MN is fair of you. There are ED support groups which will be more suited.

OtraCosaMariposa · 08/08/2019 18:28

Seriously, nobody's looking at you. In the nicest way possible, you don't matter. They are all there looking after their kids, reading their books and wondering whether to have another daiquiri.

Original poster
Fattytumtum · 08/08/2019 18:29

@ALittleBitAlexis that made me laugh Grin

OP posts:
Siameasy · 08/08/2019 18:30

What’s the point in postponing your happiness until “one day” because the way you are about your appearance “one day” never comes
Treat yourself to a nice swim suit, luxury fabric, funky colours. I frigging hate bikinis even tho I am slim and have a decent figure.

Fairylea · 08/08/2019 18:31

Please, please just go and enjoy yourself. None of us know what’s round the corner. Live everyday as if it’s your last! Seriously. I was disabled with a life threatening condition two years ago and it’s completely changed my outlook. Weight is the last thing I worry about in terms of enjoying myself!

petrocellihouse · 08/08/2019 18:31

Top tip. Stop looking at “celebrity bodies”. Most are very heavily photoshopped, they have personal trainers on hand, financial incentives to make keeping thin the focus of their lives and probably as many insecurities as the rest of us. Just go on holiday!

Ikeameatballs · 08/08/2019 18:32

I was at a water park yesterday.

Bodies that I noticed were a very athletic looking lady with a below knee amputation having a great time with her two young dc and a heavily tattooed busty lady rocking it in a bright orange bikini. Ooh and a petite woman in a beautiful metallic striped swim dress that I had costume envy for. And I was deliberately scanning people because I had lost my older dc. No one else registered long enough for me to recall them today.

Get on and live your life. Go on holiday. Have some fun.

Whatnotea · 08/08/2019 18:32

I am a 50 something, 5ft 3in size 16/18 and wear a bikini.
Am I super confident NO
My secret is to drink, think of myself as 5ft 9 bronzed babe & don't look in the mirror!

Just go for it!

NoSauce · 08/08/2019 18:34

Get your legs waxed and a pedicure. Have a haircut, buy some lovely coloured flip flops and sarongs and a big hat with some nice sunglasses.

Then go and bloody enjoy yourself Smile

Zoflorabore · 08/08/2019 18:36

Hi op, this was also my year to slim down for my holiday but we ended up not booking one due to ds's GCSE's being in May and June and couldn't afford to go later.

I ended up eating more than ever and then all of a sudden my dad surprised us with an offer to pay for us to go to our favourite hotel and we had just 25 days notice!

I went there the heaviest I've ever been ( 5ft 5 and size 20, easy 17st ) and i had a ball.
The first day was a bit tough but you know what? I was a supermodel in my head and didn't give a shit. I don't like bikinis on me anyway but I wore a tankini and various swimsuits with the confidence I would likely have had if I had lost weight.

Enjoy your holiday, you only live once Flowers

RowingMermaid · 08/08/2019 18:37

I like to wear board shorts, women's ones. I go to Florida so it is for wearing in water parks rather than on a beach but I feel more comfortable wearing that than a bikini as I don't need to worry about my shorts going up my arse crack on some water slide. Grin

For now go on the holiday, don't look at the bits you don't like, instead stand in front of a mirror and compliment yourself on the bits you do like.

For me, I am heavier due to medication from years ago, I have chronic fatigue so struggle to exercise but that medication (and surgery scars) have allowed me to have 2 miracle children. So although my body may not look great it has done some amazing things.

DidntAskToBe · 08/08/2019 18:38

People - the OP is not overweight.

dudsville · 08/08/2019 18:39

Op. You've got this one life. Choose what matters most to you.

Bluetrews25 · 08/08/2019 18:39

Oh Fattytumtum you have allowed your self image to get confused with your body image. Your body has nothing to do with what kind of person you are. I'm guessing you don't like yourself very much for some reason. And this has translated into not liking your body very much.
Let's face it, it can be easier to change your body than change 'you', so you will never be thin enough to be happy with yourself.
If you can figure out WHY you are not happy with yourself, and do something to fix it, you will start to like your body more. (Not easy.)
Changing your body because you don't like the person you are is using the wrong medicine. Like trying to fix a broken leg with a haircut.
Your emotional recovery work is not done yet.
Be kind to yourself.

SunshineCake · 08/08/2019 18:43

Who do you want to be the one to see you as having a good body? I hope you don't have daughters.

Obi73 · 08/08/2019 18:43

Give over, you know the minute you get there they’ll be women of all shapes and sizes.
Go on holiday, laugh, relax and enjoy quality family time and wear that bikini with a smile! I’m mid 40’s chubby and have all the right lumps in all the right places x

Original poster
Fattytumtum · 08/08/2019 18:45

@SunshineCake I want me to see myself as having a good, healthy body and to be able to just get on with life like everyone else on her with the good advice!

OP posts: