Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this neighbour is absolutely gross - WWYD?

80 replies

fluffygown · 07/08/2019 09:31

New neighbours moved in about a year ago. Noise started soon after. Constant screaming and shouting at each other, swearing at the top of their lungs. Loads of banging, sounding like they were killing each other. It was making my life a misery and woke DC up at night several times because of the noise. I went round (nearly had a heart attack in doing so) and asked politely if they could keep the noise down. Mother blamed it on her autistic daughter and said she would keep noise down. Thing is I hear the mother shouting more than the daughter. Noise went on and on and on. So I complained to the council as their house is the only council house in the road. Council sent someone round and said they realised the noise was a problem but also said they couldn't do more because of autistic daughter. Since then, mother has either blanked me when I've seen her or muttered swear words under her breath even in front of my DC.

2 months ago a used sanitary towel landed in my garden. Gross!!! I decided to ignore it thinking it was thrown over by daughter. Other bits of rubbish also appear in my garden that never did before they arrived. Now a full pair of blood stained pants complete with used sanitary towel has appeared in the middle of my garden. Absolutely disgusting! What am I meant to do with this? Put it in bin and not mention it or throw it back over fence.

WWYD? All my other neighbours are lovely. This particularly neighbour is just disgusting, I've never encountered anything like this. Noise has escalated again. Should I complain to council again? The mother looks so rough, I wouldn't put anything past her. Help! Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
fluffygown · 07/08/2019 14:27

Thanks everyone. Understand the comments about the daughter and difficulties she may be facing. I can't speak to the mum because ever since making the complaint (and it was an anonymous complaint) she looks at me like she wants to kill me!! No joke! At times we've passed in the road I've been scared that she may actually lunge at me while muttering under her breath 'you f* bitch!' She's utterly unapproachable.

I understand parents shout sometimes, I do too. But this is non stop screaming (swearing every other word) at top of their lungs for HOURS and loud bangs like they were having a physical fight. It's usually the mother who is louder telling her daughter to leave her alone and that she's had enough etc

Will look into CCTV and making another complaint with council, maybe social services etc. Honestly, through the walls they sound like they are killing each other!

OP posts:
browzingss · 07/08/2019 14:35

I would report this to 101. In my opinion, dumping bloodied sanitary products/underwear in your garden goes beyond your average neighbour dispute, it’s not just ‘rubbish’. It’s a vile thing to have to tidy up and it’s concerning that they think it’s justified. It’s borderline threatening behaviour/harassment really, it’s like leaving a bag of shit on your doorstep

IAskTooManyQuestions · 07/08/2019 15:04

Have you actually witnessed thsi stuff coming over ?

Dont be egged on by forum mob mentaility.

Ditto22 · 07/08/2019 15:16

I would call the local police. It is harassment and potentially breach of the peace, particularly throwing bloody items into your garden

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/08/2019 15:24

If it really is as bad as your update, I think you should contact social services. The mother doesn’t seem to be coping.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 07/08/2019 17:01

In some areas there is bugger all support for children with autism or parents of children with autism. It is fucking hard. A lot of the time. People with NT children. Imagine your worst day with your children.eg that night when they just wouldn't go to bed, or that time when they just wouldn't get ready to go somewhere you need to be. Hard isn't it?

Well imagine that every single day. It is so hard. On the outside parents of children with autism can look like the worst parents ever. But actually they are often doing a damn sight more parenting than those with NT children. And it can really get you down. Often I would feel like we've had a good day if haven't resorted to pulling my son's head off. But it's not the child I am frustrated with. It's autism and I know he can't help it. We are constantly working on strategies to improve things - I must say - in this house thing are calmer now we have dog. He helps us chill.

All my neighbours are lovely. Being a single parent I've always made the effort to get to know my neighbours. They're there for me and I'm there for them. The thought of neighbours ganging up to complain about me tbh would have tipped me over the edge.

Try a different approach. For the mother, the daughter and your own sake.

HappyHammy · 07/08/2019 17:04

I would report the blood to 101 and environmental health. Bodily fluids pose a risk.

SummerInTheVillage · 08/08/2019 08:36

Every time you hear them fighting phone 101. Every single time.

It isn't your job to support these people. Report every single incident to SS.

You have a right to a peaceful life.

NotBeingRobbed · 08/08/2019 08:59

Is it possible the daughter is physically attacking the mum? You said the mum is screaming to be left alone and there are loud bangs like a fight. Anyone who has had an SN child would know it is extremely difficult and your child can attack you. It sounds like the girl is also struggling to cope with periods.

It doesn’t sound like this family has any support - no dad, no extended family, nothing. Maybe this woman needs help, rather than judgey neighbours. And older child with ferocious meltdowns is a very difficult thing.

LoafofSellotape · 08/08/2019 09:07

Where I used to live we had a communal rubbish schute and one of our neighbours didn't properly wrap sanitary products. The council were notified - possibly by the men,I'm not sure,and we were warned that the block of flats would be fined if it continued.

Take photos as evidence and keep a diary of events and get back to the council or MP.

MrsKittyFane1 · 08/08/2019 09:10

Tread carefully (not a pun). The daughter may also have learning difficulties and may be having a very hard job understanding periods and appropriate behaviour. The mother may not even be aware that her daughter is throwing these things out of the bedroom window. If you let her know, don't be shocked if she isn't mortally embarrassed; she could well simply be exasperated and exhausted.

The OP should not have to deal with this. What do you mean by 'tread carefully.' ? Don't complain?

Everyone - NDN, council needs to be made aware.

Phone the council OP and put in a complaint - submit photos as evidence.

LoafofSellotape · 08/08/2019 09:13

**bin men

SummerWhisper · 08/08/2019 09:28

Dontfuckingsaycheese stressedmum and robbed are spot on. I suspect this woman is isolated, has no family network due to her own upbringing, has been lucky to move to a good area and is absolutely struggling. You have nothing to lose by reaching out, take something nice round for her and her daughter, say "I was hasty in complaining. I want to be a good neighbour to you. I think you might be struggling and I know you are doing your best. I hope we can move on from not having a good start." If it turns out she is just a nasty bitch, you have lost nothing. If it turns out you were right to offer the olive branch, she has gained everything. Her life sounds really hard. Also, try to engage your local councillors and see if they are helping her. Some councils have pots of money to support residents. Be the change you want to see. Flowers

zafferana · 08/08/2019 09:30

I agree - just go through the appropriate channels - don't approach the woman again. If she's verbally abusive and you're worried she's going to lunge at you in the street you should not be approaching her house or trying to engage with her as that would be putting yourself at risk of harm. This is one for SS and the council to deal with.

Mrsjayy · 08/08/2019 10:14

The Op is more than likely to have abuse flung at her than an opened armed come in she tried to be a nice neighbour some people are not approachable this neighbour sounds stressed and defensive and not up for support from a neighbour who reported them to the council.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 08/08/2019 10:16

It isn't your job to support these people

That may be true but I would like to think I live in a society where we look out for each other, we support each other, we try to put ourselves in the place of others and do our best to help each other.

Not one where we all judge, complain and turn our backs on those who are finding life hard.

verticality · 08/08/2019 10:16

I had this same problem - not with sanitary towels, thank God - but with rubbish being deliberately thrown over. Families like this make life hell, and no-one with any authority cares. The only solution I found was moving. Sad

MammaMia19 · 08/08/2019 10:26

It could be an animal getting in their bins. Our bin collection was collected late one week and a fox or cat opened the bag and dragged out my wrapped up san pads much to my embarrassment!
I’d take pictures and keep a note of times. CCTV should help showing if it’s a rogue animal or if they are being chucked over

InTheHeatofLisbon · 08/08/2019 10:47

But this is non stop screaming (swearing every other word) at top of their lungs for HOURS and loud bangs like they were having a physical fight. It's usually the mother who is louder telling her daughter to leave her alone and that she's had enough etc

I'd call adult social services, it sounds like both the mother and daughter need support. The police won't do much, but it's worth reporting as a safeguarding concern to SS.

NotBeingRobbed · 08/08/2019 10:57

If the mum is being attacked she will still love her daughter deeply. Life can be messy and complicated with special needs. But go ahead and call SS and make her feel even worse about it.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 08/08/2019 11:02

But go ahead and call SS and make her feel even worse about it.

I suggested calling SS and reporting it as a safeguarding concern so that the mother would get support.

I have children with ASN, I'm fully aware of how fucking difficult things can be thanks.

If the mother is being physically attacked, then she and her daughter need and deserve support so both can live a life without violence. If the DDs meltdowns are physical (which from OPs posts they clearly are) then something is triggering them. Sometimes it's not easy to see what when you're in the middle of it, so outside support can be invaluable.

Because the other issues besides the shouting and swearing are pretty irrelevant in comparison really aren't they?

The mum sounds as though she's utterly exhausted and OP speaking to her about the issue has just made her feel worse. OP wasn't to know, but I'm concerned for the mother and the daughter and feel they both need support.

NotBeingRobbed · 08/08/2019 11:16

I agree something is wrong and support is needed.

verticality · 08/08/2019 11:22

There's a difference between occasionally finding things hard and constantly yelling at your kid at the top of your voice, including in the middle of the night. There are very clearly elements of anti-social behaviour here, alongside a non-neurotypical child. Those sanitary towels are not ending up in the garden on their own, and I highly doubt animals are doing it either. Foxes are definitely not dressing up as the NDN and swearing at the OP in the street either. I don't care what the provocation is, behaviour like that is not normal or OK.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 08/08/2019 11:42

I don't care what the provocation is, behaviour like that is not normal or OK.

Wow. Ignorance abounds.

You have no idea what the Mum is going through, and clearly don't give a shit. Attitudes like this only make life harder and more isolating.

Shame on you.

Ibiza2015 · 08/08/2019 11:46

I completely agree with cheese. She did actually tell you the truth about the noise. It might not have been what you wanted to hear but it was true. I can kind of understand why she is a bit pissy she explained about the problems related to disability but still went to the council.

I think in this situation your first port of call should be to talk to the Mum before anything else. If it is a sensory issue with the daughter you need to give her Mum a chance to sort it.

The police and council won’t do anything concrete (they’re certainly not going to DNA test) and if it is an issue with the daughter’s disability you’ll antagonise them further.