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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd away for hours at night

58 replies

bellalou1234 · 06/08/2019 22:17

Help, aibu, my dd 19 almost 20 is home from uni for summer keeps going out until early hours of morning, the other night it was 03.30. She says shes at her friend from uni who lives close by. Its out of character, and surely shed stay over.This is new only happend in last week, but this is fifth time. I just feel there's more to it. Also she has a uni resit next week, she needs to revise. She drives, hate her on the roads at that time. I know shes an adult, but feel when shes here i should have an idea where she is.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 06/08/2019 22:21

I’m sorry but YABU, I understand your concern but she’s an adult. Chances are she’s out late at uni too.
As for studying, yes she needs to do that it you can’t force her, she should be able to handle and motivate herself to do so.

bouncingraindrops · 06/08/2019 22:23

What do you mean it's out of character? She has been away at uni so she has obviously changed and grown.

Original poster
bellalou1234 · 06/08/2019 22:23

I know i feel aibu when i tell her to try and be home reaonable time. Her choice to revise.

OP posts:
Original poster
bellalou1234 · 06/08/2019 22:24

Shes been home weeks and this is new over last week.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 06/08/2019 22:25

Maybe it’s a romantic partner?

HollowTalk · 06/08/2019 22:27

Sorry to derail this thread, but does anyone remember an identical thread a while ago? I always wondered where that OP's daughter was going to.

OP, what time does your daughter leave the house? Does she talk about her friend other than when she goes out?

Original poster
bellalou1234 · 06/08/2019 22:27

Maybe it is a romantic friend. But wouldnt u stay over, not drive back early hours. I would..

OP posts:
TheChain · 06/08/2019 22:28

She’s getting shagged and doesn’t want to tell you.

Original poster
bellalou1234 · 06/08/2019 22:29

I remember that thread. Its just weird, the friend lives with parents, surely.on a tuesday night, youd be saying not too late.

OP posts:
Original poster
bellalou1234 · 06/08/2019 22:30

Leaves varied times, i never actually see her leave or return.. she might be getting shagged, but youd stay over surely. Ive been young..

OP posts:
Original poster
bellalou1234 · 06/08/2019 22:31

Yes theyre close at uni, on a different course but good friends

OP posts:
helpmeiamatoad · 06/08/2019 22:31

How strange. Almost sounds like she’s an adult doing what she wants with her own evenings!

TheChain · 06/08/2019 22:32

but youd stay over surely
I don’t know... maybe it’s casual? Or maybe she thinks it would be more obvious to stay over and she doesn’t realise you’ve already twigged how long she’s staying out?

Sparklesocks · 06/08/2019 22:32

Maybe she prefers sleeping in her own bed, or isn’t allowed to stay.

TheChain · 06/08/2019 22:32

Either that or she’s actually Batman

Original poster
bellalou1234 · 06/08/2019 22:34

I know shes an adult. But when i lived at my mams and went out i would return at an acceptable time, if it was 03.30 and later on a week night shed question where ive been. Wouldnt anyone?

OP posts:
KellyHall · 06/08/2019 22:34

The main thing is, she's coming home safely. Apart from the time, is there anything else that concerns you?
I had a lot of friends at that age who were experimenting with drugs and I didn't do them myself but would regularly stay up with them until silly hours.
I'd also say that I think driving on empty roads with only taxis and police cars in the middle of the night is far safer than busy daytime roads.

Original poster
bellalou1234 · 06/08/2019 22:35

Shed make a good batman

OP posts:
PositiveVibez · 06/08/2019 22:35

Ahh sorry OP, but I think yab a bit u.

If she is waking you up then she needs to be more quiet, but coming in at 3.30am when you're nearly 20 is rather normal tbh.

HollowTalk · 06/08/2019 22:36

Is she visiting a male friend?

PositiveVibez · 06/08/2019 22:36

I'd also say that I think driving on empty roads with only taxis and police cars in the middle of the night is far safer than busy daytime roads

This also ^^^

Original poster
bellalou1234 · 06/08/2019 22:37

Im irrational i know. I just worry about the roads, and theres been burgalries in my area and if shes rocking up in her 1 litre car.

OP posts:
miagerbies · 06/08/2019 22:38

Op I agree with you. 3.30 is stupid I clock and when I was 19 I'd always drop a text to my mum if I was going to be super late. It's common courtesy. Dc don't realise that, as they grow, they get more independence but we never stop worrying about them. I'd just have a chat, maybe say that if she's going to be any later than 2am could she send you a quick text. It's scary out there, a 19 year old girl walking around at 3am is vulnerable to anything.

Loftyswops988 · 06/08/2019 22:38

This sounds a bit like me when I first came back for summer after my first term of uni. I was spending time with a girl I had met - it was a romantic thing but we weren't ready to tell our parents we were seeing each other so didn't stay overnight etc as it would be suspicious. Could that be the case? Or even that its a male romantic interest and she's saying its a uni friend?

Although it is summer so it really could just be hanging out with mates til late!

Riverviews · 06/08/2019 22:43

Just because you complied and told your mum where you had been, it doesn't mean your daughter needs to do the same.

Do you worry this much when she's at uni?

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