Dd away for hours at night

[bellalou1234]

Help, aibu, my dd 19 almost 20 is home from uni for summer keeps going out until early hours of morning, the other night it was 03.30. She says shes at her friend from uni who lives close by. Its out of character, and surely shed stay over.This is new only happend in last week, but this is fifth time. I just feel there's more to it. Also she has a uni resit next week, she needs to revise. She drives, hate her on the roads at that time. I know shes an adult, but feel when shes here i should have an idea where she is.

You have kind of changed what your issue is when peple haven't agreed with you. She is totally unreasonable if she is waking the house up at 330am, that should be addressed as is out of order but coming home quietly at 330am at nearly 20 years old should be no one elses business but hers. I definitely wouldn't be asking my kids of that age to get home at any time, only thing would be a text if they are staying out so no one worries, that is just respectful and I always did that with my parents without them asking.

If she is home from uni I would set some boundaries ie don't be back any later then 12 o'clock or whatever you're preferred time. Also I would ask her to invite her friend over to avoid her being back so late. I can 100pc see where you are coming from. My DS is 19 and on his motorbike at stupid times in the mornings on his way back from his gf it's kinda scary. He will not listen. I have set boundaries and said if he is not in at 11 o'clock I will not pay his insurance. Ie he has his studies to do also.

My DD is exactly the same. She's 20 and seems to have become nocturnal. She'll come home early hours and stay in bed until lunchtime. I too wish she'd come home earlier, as she sometimes disturbs the rest of the household, who have to get up early for work, but I've had to accept she is young and doing her own thing.

If she is home from uni I would set some boundaries ie don't be back any later then 12 o'clock or whatever you're preferred time

She is an ADULT. Most adults who get dictated to will simply stop going home.

My DS is 19 and on his motorbike at stupid times in the mornings on his way back from his gf it's kinda scary.

It is, but they have to be allowed to get on with their lives

He will not listen.

To what?

I have set boundaries and said if he is not in at 11 o'clock I will not pay his insurance

This is absurd.

She is an adult and as long as she tells you she is safe you have to accept it. When I was a teenager I would stay out until 5am in the morning and there was nothing my parents could do about.

don't be back any later then 12 o'clock

I think YABU, at 19 I was working in a Local nightclub - regularly not home until 3/4am. It doesn't really matter what she's doing, as long as she is safe. You can't really dictate to someone who lives away from you most of the year that she now has to answer to you. I do agree with waking the dog though, that isn't acceptable.

Also Haha to her booking a hotel if she's meeting up with someone - why? We used to go out in my car to the local 24 hr Mcdonalds then side at the coast watching the sun come up, was your modern day romance.

When I left home for college, my natural inclination to be a "night owl" finally had free rein. Sometimes, it would be staying up until stupid o'clock setting the world to rights over cups of coffee, sometimes working when everything was quiet, sometimes more (ahem) interesting.....but I'd be up on time for lectures, and catch up on sleep in the afternoon.
This made going home for the holidays a bit of a crunch, but my parents took the view that, I'd been away for three months and they had been none the wiser; this was in the dim distant past, when getting in touch meant calling from the communal payphone.
But they did ask me to let them know, so they didn't worry, if the party I was heading to was an all-nighter, just as you'd ask anybody living under the same roof to give you a rough idea, whatever their age; I think I'd be a bit miffed if I went missing and nobody noticed!
As for the resit; take a step back - if she has to learn the hard way, better now while you still have some influence over her life.
But perfectly reasonable to ask for a "Don't Wait Up" message.
She'll be in the world of work soon enough; my night owl tendencies were severely crimped by the necessity of functioning in the classroom!

YABU.
I can appreciate your concerns,but pick your fights.
She has a re-sit,so maybe she is letting her hair down .
The last thing you want is for her to fail and blame you for stopping her enjoying herself.
Being a parent is never easy,i still worry about my sons,and they are in their mid/late 30s.