About blowing our birthday candles?

[astonishedzebra]

I have NC'd for this as feel along with my previous posts could be quite outing to those that know me.

We have been to a family child's party over the weekend and when "Happy Birthday" and blowing the candles out was done by the birthday girl, her Mum asked does anyone else want a turn? There was then a huge queue of children wanting to have a turn; pushing, arguing etc and the birthday girl was pushing people out the way to blow out the candles again. It was mayhem.

We have been at other family birthdays where there have been tantrums if said child could not blow out the candles first.

My DC birthday is next month and I am dreading the tantrum when this child can't blow the candles out first. I have no intention of "opening the floor" to children to blow out the candles as I feel like it's unnecessary and we have other things to be doing during the party.

AIBU and how do I handle this?

No way. That’s for the birthday child only.
Imagine the amount of germs and spittle all over that cake! 🤢🤢

Oh god, that cake would be full of kid spit. Not a chance I would want mine eating a piece of it! Vile.

Not something I had ever heard of happening but it sounds bonkers. If it is something that happens in your circles I'd be tempted to buy some cupcakes and put a candle in each for other children to do AFTER the birthday child.

Never heard of that! In my experience the birthday candles are small and wouldn’t take much more than one lighting anyway. Sounds like a silly idea.

I have never seen that at a kids party, and I have been subjected to hundreds over the years. Birthday child blows out the candles, makes a wish, everyone cheers and then waits impatiently for cake.

That’s quite bizarre; I don’t understand why they would relight the candles for lots of children particularly as in my mind birthday candles don’t last long.
I’d warn the child’s parents in advance that you won’t be doing that and your child will be blowing out their own candles so perhaps they could prepare their child; if I was them I’d be hauling my child out at the first sign of a tantrum

Wait, what?

Nooooo!

Blowing out the candles is for the birthday girl or boy only surely?

How awkward would it be for you to have a quiet word with the Mum beforehand?
Please can you make sure Katie is aware the only one blowing out candles will be my DD Sarah-Jane. I wouldn't want Katie to be upset if she is expecting to have a go too.

AIBU and how do I handle this?

YANBU and you handle it by saying a firm "No, that's not how we do things".

If a tantrum ensues, ignore it and start cutting the cake.

Do the cake while candle tantrums is in the loo

That’s really bloody weird!

No, I think it takes away from the birthday child if every one does it. I mean blimey, all the kids will be wanting presents next too so they aren't left out.

Your kid her cake her birthday. Don’t forewarn anyone, just let your daughter blow out the candles and move on with your day!

oh god the spit

How to handle it "No it's DC birthday, you blow the candles on your birthday not other peoples". Queue tantrum and you just ignore ignore ignore, if that's not possible " Do you want to take him outside for a bit?" - to mum. Do not pander to this shit

Birthday child blows out candles, cake is whipped away for cutting. Job done. If necessary all other children on other side of table while candles are blown and candles whipped out of cake and into a bowl of water once done.

Let the candles burn for a bit before bday child blows them out. Then they won't be lightable for second goes!

I think I remember your other post about this. It’s poor form to pander to a child’s tantrums like that because it’s simply not feasible with everything in life she may want a “turn” at. I agree it detracts from the birthday girl. Only time I’ve ever seen anyone else do candles was a younger sibling who was maybe not old enough to understand.

We have a similar situation toddlers group with Something similar. One child goes bonkers every bloody week and it drives me potty.

It’s crap to be the person that says no but the kid needs to learn to hear the word no and the mum needs to start saying it and dealing with the fallout.

There was a massive thread about this a while ago. If I recall, it was the nephew of the OP who would tantrum if not allowed to blow out the candles, and OP whisked the cake away before he could.

Yanbu. I wouldn't let another child blow out my child's birthday candles, why would you, it's not their birthday, and think of the spit!

My first thought was eeewww the spit!
I've never heard of this either. Nip it in the bud and insist the candle blowing is just for birthday child. Stop the madness now!

Bonkers. Birthday child does the candles. Otherwise it’s not special

Yy to think of the spit! Bleurgh. If you’re in a pandering mood use cupcakes. Otherwise she can tantrum away imo.

Birthday child only. I don't have time at my kids' birthdays to wait while every child there spits on the cake.

Tell relevant parent in advance then hoick cake up and out of the way asap.

I remember the other thread. Just get birthday kid to blow out the candles and then whip the cake away to cut it up. Job done. If crazy entitled parent / child demands a turn, just say "don't be daft, it's only the birthday girl/boy that blows out the candles".

You say 'only the birthday girl/boy blows out the candles, otherwise it isn't special is it ?' Then you let your child blow out the candles and whip the cake off the table into the kitchen to be sliced up before some other child decides to gob on it.